Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Leadership

Am I Irritating The Living Hell Out of You?

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Typically when someone is irritating the living hell out of us, this bothersome behavior provokes the fight or flight impulse. While the expression is often used, what if there really is more than meets the idiom?

How many of us find ourselves or someone close to us caught in a living hell within our body, mind, spirit, and financial condition?

There’s nothing worse than this sense of hopelessness except resignation to the hopelessness and denial.

On-Purpose® is about awakening us to face our “living hell” by getting to the core of our being which by definition is good, pure, and whole—our purpose. Here is the keyhole to the escape hatch into being true to ourselves.

Choose hope!

Putting a name on our situation strengthens us to face it more directly, boldly, and successfully.

Why not experience the promise of “on earth as it is in heaven” on-purpose? Yes, I hope tshareasimage(5)his message irritates the living hell out of you … and you’ll thank me for it.

Escape Your Living Hell

On a highly selective basis, I’m looking to mentor and develop quality people who want to build a true business as a coach. This will mean learning, ongoing dialogue and development, determination, and a long-term commitment to stay the course. You’ll be helping your clients get to a healthier place in their lives in the most robust sense of well-being. For you this means work, learning to engage clients, and growing as a leader on-purpose.

Interested? Email me why you think this sounds like you. I’m conducting interviews to work with 3 people.

Is Your Leadership Being Choked?

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As leaders, we’re prone to move from one task to the next with mental speed and insightful clarity.

Distractions, busyness, and just plain old bad habits have a way of gradually yet persistently working their way into our lives. Pretty soon we’re enslaved in activities and relationships that take us off-purpose.

In today’s On-Purpose Business Minute, I share a metaphor and lessons learned from a day of hard, back-breaking yard work and getting my hands dirty. As you can see, my mind was also hard at work.

As leaders, it is important that we get to the root of matters.

Paying attention to the details while still seeing the big picture isn’t always easy. Even if you’re not very good at both, at least be aware of the importance of both to avoid getting blind-sided. Surround yourself with complementary talent and trusted advisors so you grasp a greater perspective and insight into an important matter. This will free you to do more of what you do best more profitably.

No sense getting lost in the bushes and choked out of the beauty of how your business can bloom and grow.

Need some help with getting to the roots of your leadership? At On-Purpose Partners, we offer 1:1 executive and personal leadership coaching. Learn more here.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

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Pointer: I make reference to The Service Model™ in this On-Purpose Minute. Here is a link to review, purchase, and download a copy. Click Here for Your Copy.

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Look at the kid in the front row, fourth from the left! Yep, the one with the rolled-up pants (room to grow) and checkered jacket. That’s yours truly in Mrs. (Lois) Johnson’s Kindergarten in Bethel Park, PA! My guess is the photo was taken in 1960 and I’m five years old. I was one of the youngest kids in this class.

Mrs. Johnson Kindergarten

I was blessed with a very happy childhood. I don’t look really happy on the day of this photograph. Come to think of it, none of the boys look too thrilled to be this close to girls (yuck!) and under such tight control with our hands in our laps!

In reviewing my report card from those days, I read “Kevin is young and lacks confidence.” Fortunately, my parents decided to hold me back a year so I could grow in confidence. Yes, I repeated kindergarten! My parents’ wisdom set me on a more positive trajectory for life. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Odd that I still remember those words and that label “Kevin … lacks confidence.” It used to really bug me that I was a person who lacked confidence. As I’ve matured, I realize how wrong my understanding of that statement was. Mrs. Johnson was offering feedback to my parents so they could make informed decisions to remedy the matter rather than labeling me. I’m the one who mistakenly “owned” the label. Five- and six-year-old minds do things like that. Sadly, so do 25-, 35-, 45- … year-old minds, too!

Each of us lacks confidence at the start of anything new. Confidence can apply to a skill or aptitude but not to the very nature or soul of a person—that’s just too destructive.

Have you bought a lie that you lack confidence or some other such nonsense? Don’t!

Let’s rephrase the statement and shift your perspective. You just haven’t yet found the bedrock of your beliefs and faith upon which to grow in confidence! I promise you that this solid ground for the soul exists in you. Like innate leadership, you have a place where you are designed and destined to be confident. It is a birthright that you may need to claim (or reclaim). Keep looking!

Look into the eyes of that little boy on the first row then and today in the video. As a person, does he lack confidence today? I’ve been a speaker in arenas in front of thousands. I’ve been on TV and radio broadcasts throughout the USA and Canada. People without confidence don’t do that.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

There’s the question I’m placing before you. I’ve found the readers of this blog are a bright bunch of people. Please share your insights, comments, or quotes in the Comments section below. Let’s help one another become more confident as leaders of our lives.

Quotes About Confidence

Readers of The On-Purpose Person and The On-Purpose Business Person know that I start each chapter with a quotation. For this post, I turned to my book of quotations about confidence specifically. These quotations will stimulate your thinking:

“I had no vision of the scope of what I would start. But I had confidence that as long as we did our work well and were good to our customers, there would be no limit to us.”

    Sam Walton, Founder of Walmart (1918–1992)

“To do anything in this world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in, and scramble through as well as we can.”

    Sydney Smith, Anglican Clergyman and writer (1771–1845)

“Fortunate is the person who has developed the self-control to steer a straight course toward his objective in life, without being swayed from his purpose by either commendation or condemnation.”

    Napoleon Hill, Author, Think and Grow Rich

“Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.”

    Channing Pollack, U.S. Magician and Hollywood Actor (1926–2006)

“Confidence is the feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.”

     Cicero, Roman philosopher, 1st Century B.C.

 

I leave you with one parting On-Purpose Proverb:

“Awareness of one’s lack of confidence indicates that your heart and your head are still talking. They just need to get the rest of the body moving so the next lesson can be learned more readily.”

Are You Making Half-Hearted Attempts?

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For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:21

Most of us think we decide with our head, our rational logic. What if that is only half of the equation—and not even the better half? We trust our decisions with our hearts, so being half-hearted or uncommitted messes with our minds. Consider the costs of a lifetime of flawed decision-making on our well-being, income, opportunities, and relationships. Scary, huh?

Before making a big decision, have you ever been told to “Sleep on it overnight”?

This wise counsel was intended to provide time for your heart to catch up with your racing-ahead mind. It’s a way to go from being half-hearted to being wholehearted.

In time, feelings and thoughts will emerge beyond your initial thinking. Sleeping on a decision often provides the ample space and time needed to gain the fuller perspective that leads to a more peaceful and wisely reached decision.

Instead, the heart needs to precede the mind in key, conscious decisions.

Few of us, however, are trained or experienced to know how to first take a decision to our heart.

Here is where your 2-word personal purpose statement can serve you well. On the front end of a decision, ask yourself if what you’re about to decide is on-purpose. Use your purpose as a way to be heart-centered. This gives some assurance that you’re likely to be bringing expression to your purpose in your decision.

Discover your 2-word Personal Purpose Statement at ONPURPOSE.me. This online app will guide you through a process of selecting a purpose statement, plus you’ll receive a 10-email course that’s practical to being on-purpose. On-Purpose.me logoThe limited-time reduced launch price is currently available.

In life and work experiences, I’ll estimate that the vast majority of our decisions are made in the mind, and the heart is left in exile.

We disadvantage ourselves when our heart is sidelined when making decisions.

I’ve often struggled to get in touch with my feelings when making a decision. I tend to rattle thoughts about in my brain in attempts to discover the best answer. Later on, I’ll be pondering the same matter and realize I’m not comfortable with my decision. Is that doubt, fear, lack of confidence, or what?

It is that I forgot to go to my heart to make the decision. Therefore, I’m not peaceful so I’m inclined to go into something vital half-heartedly. That’s a big mistake.

Learn to listen to your spirit speaking—that small, still voice caught in the wilderness of our brains. Matthew 6:21 attempts to inform and transform our way of thinking. It links the act of treasuring and our hearts. You can’t treasure everything, so discern with your heart and make your decisions with your whole heart.

P.S. Here is a really interesting article from the Institute of HeartMath about making decisions with our heart. Solution for Effective Decision Making

 

How Do I Focus My Small Business?

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How do I focus my small business?

This is one of the more common questions asked of me when I’m at speaking engagements or events. Candidly, it is a struggle I face as well. Opportunities abound for those of us with entrepreneurial instincts. But where do we plant our flag or make our stand?

For me, it was the idea of On-Purpose® well over 25 years ago. I can’t explain to you why this message came into my spirit and into my life. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t seek it.

I expected to be a real estate mogul as a Florida-based commercial real estate developer. Through a bumpy series of twists and turns and near bankruptcy, I landed on On-Purpose. And I’ve stayed there with my focus.

Here’s my dirty little secret, however. There’s an old expression about niches that says, “You’re better off being an inch wide and a mile deep.” But what do you do when you are an inch wide, a mile deep, and then you go a mile wide again?

You see, being in and out of focus is risky at any depth. Some of the world’s largest brands will lose focus and go away. Ask shareholders from Polaroid, Enron, Bethlehem Steel, Pets.com, PanAm, DeLorean Motor Company, and Washington Mutual Bank.

Stuck Staring

I’ve been there sitting in my office staring at the walls or my computer monitor. My mind swirls with a hundred different items on my mental To Do List, but I watch another stupid YouTube video of bloopers, flash mobs, or pets or people doing funny stuff.

You’ve been there, too. You haven’t a clue what to do next because everything seems important.

Your brain is fried so you need a mental break. By default, you open up your email so at least you’re keeping up with something. A couple of hours pass at the keyboard and your true “To Do List” is only 50% longer, and a half of a day is now spent passing around pixels.

A sinking feeling leaves you even more overwhelmed and now adds personal disappointment with yourself. Ugh! How do I go about organizing the business? How do I get more focused and productive?

Admit it, you know this scenario all too well. I do! And it bugs you because it is sabotaging your business, your dreams, and your finances. With so much on the line, you wonder, How can I be so stuck? 

The Really Big Problem

Over the decades of working with business owners, this “Stuck Staring” pattern is most often associated with an ill-defined business—one being run ad hoc, in the absence of a plan.

While brilliant ideas abound in your brain, there’s no blueprint to build the business. Would you hire a home builder to construct your house who didn’t have blueprints? Yet, you’ll build your business without a blueprint.

There’s a reason most SOHO (small office, home office) or what I call Solo Owners don’t write their plans. It is rationalized as “the desire for flexibility and responsiveness to opportunity.” It’s BS. Unfortunately, keeping your options open typically results in a cycle of learning—but not one of earning.

The secret to building your business is to create an economically efficient engine of profit that is anchored deeply in your purpose and one for which you’re willing to pay the price. In other words, you’re passionate about it. Once the engine is up and running, you can afford to invest in your other ideas. Depth, not breadth, is essential. This takes discipline and commitment … to a well-designed, thoughtful, written plan.

Most small businesses don’t have written business plans or even powerpoint presentations. They would benefit from them. At On-Purpose Partners we offer a unique way to orient and organize your business around what matters the most—your purpose.

Learn more about the On-Purpose Business Plan. Using this link, invest the time to watch a 9-minute video about On-Purpose Business Plans and why they are different and helpful for solo owners to CEOs.

Candidly inquire of yourself, Just how is my plan working? If you’re not getting the results of speed to market, cash flow, and profits, then please consider a mentoring On-Purpose Executive Coaching program.

Better yet, come to Orlando and let’s invest the time needed designing your business so it is on-purpose. My team and I will bring order, focus, clarity, and direction to your business enterprise by guiding and codifying your business plan and model. Organizing the business is a couple of clicks and a few hours away. The ROI will be amazing!

How Do You Manage Disappointment?

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Disappointment is inevitable but it need not be debilitating.

How you manage it, however, is a choice with profound implications to your well-being, relationships, and opportunities. The easy route is to react negatively and stay there, but what good is that? You have a better choice.

I got to thinking about the word: disappointment.

It led me to this chain of words: disappointment > disappoint > point > appoint > appointment. The common word is “point” as in a mark or dot or direction. When we’re disappointed, the mark has been missed. It does, however, provide an opportunity for redirection.

What if disappointment is really intended to direct us to a greater appointment?

So when we stay in a negative place, aren’t we the ones who increase the price of the initial disappointment and risk missing where we’ve been appointed to shine?

(To see another use of “the point” you can watch this 9-minute video about the punctuation of your life. Is your life a question mark, period, or exclamation point? It is an excerpt from a keynote speaking engagement I did a few years ago.)

The holiday season sets high expectations, which can lead to great disappointment.

How do you turn that around?

As one year rolls into the next, take some time to refocus on-purpose.

I would love to hear your words of advice for getting unstuck when you find yourself disappointed with something important.

What works for you in managing disappointment? Share your thoughts in the comment box below. What you have to say may be the very words that help transform another person’s perspective. Now don’t disappoint me!  : )

Do You Know Your Gift?

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Your contribution to the life of another is directly tied to “the gift” you possess.

How well you examine and understand your gift directly influences the measure of your difference-making.

Within you is something inherently special. It is a gift that must be unwrapped, examined, and understood to be fully appreciated and enjoyed.

This gift is an expression of your purpose.

Are you ready to help others discover their gift by encouraging them to be on-purpose?

Here are some ideas:

Visit our online bookstore for more ideas.

 

Do You Want to Grow into Maturity?

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What does it mean to be a grownup, to mature, or to assume adult behavior?

Sadly, far too many adult women and men haven’t a clue what it means to act, live, and be an adult. The process of growing into maturity eludes them.

We men, in particular, seem slow to grow into the responsibilities of manhood. It has less to do with the physiology of aging and more to do with psychology and social norms. Matters like avoidance of responsibilities and lack of clarity around modern male roles complicate it and make it that much easier to put off being a man.maturity is

Perhaps the story of Peter Pan is too taken to heart and we’ve decided to “Never Grow Up.”

Women suffer from lack of maturity as well. My mother is in a retirement living situation where the women outnumber the men probably 3 to 1. When I speak with the female staff about many of the senior women, they tell tales of a new man arriving on the scene and it is like junior high girls bickering and posturing.

What a loss!

We can’t really be a very fully engaged on-purpose player when we’re living below our maturity level.

When our identity is tied to something other than our purpose, we’re subject to the whims of the world or the mercurial nature of other people’s opinions about us.

Maturity, like anything worthwhile, begins with a decision to grow up.

Yes, it takes practice, often a mentor or coach, and the desire to keep at it. And work and emotional management! Practice does pay off. The rewards of maturity are to live into the life designed for us and to make a greater contribution with our life.

Seek out a mentor, life coach, or counselor with whom you can create a structured relationship for personal leadership growth and development. This intentional approach and relationship provide the benefits of accountability, fresh perspective, and experience.

On-Purpose Partners can help with On-Purpose Peace through Do-It-Yourself (DIY) or Do-It-Right (DIR) with one of our coaches.

If you want to learn something new, then invest in becoming a more mature and capable person.

Take one step toward being more responsible for yourself. Then another step, then another. Soon you’ll discover that growing up isn’t such a big deal if you take care of the small deals along the way.

On-Purpose Tip: The process within The On-Purpose Person provides a methodology to better answer some of Life’s Great Questions about our identity and place in the world. If you don’t know who you are, then you’ll likely overcompensate by living life either too small or too large. The posing can become a preoccupation instead of being about your true occupation.

Stop wasting your years! Decide to grow up.