Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Spirit & Faith

What Is It About This Milestone?

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(This video was recorded a few years ago, on the event of our daughter, Anne, turning 18.)

It is graduation season. Many young people—and their parents—are facing transition.

It is a milestone for young people in terms of coming to legal age. While parental responsibilities for education aren’t going away anytime soon, it does represent a passage of sorts for all of us. It also presents parents with new options as we begin living more as empty nesters.

What’s your advice to parents about redefining how to best create amazing adult children relationships?

Please share your thoughts by using the comment section below (not email) to help us have a parents’ guide to this new beginning. You’ll help a number of parents facing the same transition.

  • Are your children all adults? Having crossed this threshold, what advice do you have to offer?
  • Have you recently crossed the threshold into adulthood or do you have a memory of your 18th birthday that brings a bit of wisdom or even levity to the matter? Please share it below.

I posted this question on my Facebook page on my daughter’s birthday a few years ago. Here’s some of the advice from my Facebook friends about making a positive parent connection as our children continue to mature:

Michael McMillan – Congratulations, Kevin. Our 3 have passed that milestone, too… and I have no advice 🙂

Mary Tomlinson – My favorite example is that we go from being responsible for them as parents to becoming more of an “advisor,” and being there for them when they need us and staying out of their way when they don’t need us.

Chris Taylor – From the words of Robert Munsch, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as you’re living, my baby you’ll be.”

Chris’ quote comes from the book “Love You Forever.” When Charles and Anne were little we read this wonderful book to them over and over. In fact, it still brings a tear to my eye as I reflect on those special times with them when they easily fit in a curled arm.

Are You Paying Attention?

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“Pay attention!” our mothers and teachers tell us.

Have you ever wondered why we must PAY to be attentive?

My reasoning is that there’s a price to pay for being focused on something of importance. The commitment of our time, energy, effort, and resources narrows our choices and so we will miss out on something else.

My personal, family, fitness, and business schedule keep me on the go from the time my feet hit the floor when I wake up until I fall asleep. So much opportunity, so little time and help.

This means I need to pay attention with intention.

In 1992,Image of clock on wall. "Invest your time. Don't spend it. Don't kill it. Don't waste it." in The On-Purpose Person, I introduced the idea of investing one’s time versus spending it. Paying attention runs along the lines of furthering your investment of your life.

In a world that increasingly tells you “You can have it all,” I’ll be the contrarian and say, “No, you can’t have it all.” Life involves making choices. The sentiment and the reality are miles apart. The cost is distraction and even less traction in life.

Admittedly, there are exponentially more opportunities today than there were 100 years ago. Just because they are there, doesn’t mean that we need to experience them all or can.

My attention span isn’t getting shorter. The span of what captures my attention, however, is more defined and refined. I don’t have time for every trivial thing or thought that comes along. Frankly, I’m becoming less tolerant of trivial pursuits. That doesn’t mean I’m not interested, amused, or entertained by many things. I just won’t pay them as much attention.

Please consider becoming far more selective about where you invest your attention.

Being on-purpose requires us to become a more discriminating and, dare I say it, less tolerant person. It is all a sign of maturity about where we invest our lives and love.

FYI: Shady Side Academy, Fox Chapel, PA. I graduated from SSA in 1973 as the president of the last all-male graduating class. The next fall the school went coeducational. Good move! With over 40 years of coeducation, I reflected on those all males with a measure of fondness for a roommate, Dave Succop, and more close friends Ted Bream and Roy Uptegraff. We were the Morewood Crazies!

Will You Have A Happy, Healthy, & Prosperous New Year?

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(This video was originally recorded in 2011. While the year mentioned is not current, the message shared is timeless.)

To kick off the New Year, I’ve gathered a handful of On-Purpose Minutes and Business Minutes relevant to the popular New Year’s toast for a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year. Rather than it being a mere sentiment, why not make it a reality or at least invest your self in making your good life even better?

Put your good intentions into action!

For each aspect of this New Year gesture, dig deeper by clicking on the provided links to relevant Minutes.

Happy On-Purpose New Year!
Kevin

A Happy New Year

Happy is rightfully a great word to be associated with New Year’s Day. Much like time itself, happiness is fleeting, yet so desired. Who doesn’t want to be happy? The term “Happy New Year” embraces the chronological odometer as it turns and makes a fresh start for 2018. Relish the reminder.

Comparing Christmas Day to New Year’s Day reveals an interesting shift of words and implications. We will say Merry Christmas, but the word most reverently associated with this Christian holy day is joy, as in the song, Joy to the World.

Joy can be one’s reality regardless of whether circumstances are happy or unhappy. Trading in happiness is a far less stable currency of emotion. Joy is the gold standard.

Are You Happily Distracted?

How Do You Get The Job Of Your Life?

How Do I Find Peace In My Life?

A Healthy New Year

Several years ago, this over-50 former athlete turned business advisor, author, and speaker was resigned to wearing “my fat suit.” This is going to sound awful, but I was so accepting of my extra pounds that I used to say, “Unless I have a cancer, I probably won’t lose this weight.” Ugh!

Fortunately, that changed in March 2008, when I was booked by Dr. Wayne Andersen (sight unseen) to be the keynote speaker at the Take Shape For Life National Convention. I did the program, lost the weight, and haven’t really looked back at my old weight since. Admittedly, the holidays are the hardest part for me because I get so out of my normal routine; it is a festive time, and I’m addicted to sweets.

Are You Starting A Diet Monday?

Do You Want To Grow Into Maturity?

A Prosperous New Year

Prosperity is so overused, abused, and misunderstood. Let’s set the record straight.

Are You Prepared to Prosper?

Blessed Are The Profitmakers For They Shall Enrich The Earth

 

Ambition. At What Price?

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Click on text for more information about the On-Purpose Small Business Package

The desire to make a positive difference is the sweet, soulful heart of ambition. In contrast is blind ambition that tramples all in its path to accomplish an end, perhaps even a noble end at that, which is fraught with unhealthy costs. Much of this rests on your view of people.  

Which will mark your life, career, and legacy?

Herein lies the rub for many a business person. To what lengths are you willing to go to realize your ambitions?

Results, especially in the form of company sales and profits, are outward and tangible measures of success. Measurable signs, however, tell just a portion of the story. If you want to know the full story, ask the people along the way who helped to produce the results.

Here’s a painful example. For 12 months spanning 2008 to 2009, I worked nearly full time with a CEO client to author a book that codified his corporate culture, leadership development moves, and business strategy for internal use. Intending for the company to go public via IPO, the book also targeted Wall Street analysts and investors so they could readily grasp what truly made this company great.

The IPO market at that time dried up with the challenges in the economy. Instead, the company was purchased by a national competitor for $130 million. By the CEO’s own admission, the book helped them get more than $15 million in greater value for shareholders over the IPO price, plus they kept their name, and the CEO was offered the position of President over the merged companies.

“Wow!” you may be thinking, “That CEO had to be a happy man.” You would think so. Eight months after delivery of the manuscript, a client satisfaction clause I wrote into the contract was used to deny issuing me an “earned” six-figure stock bonus despite personal assurances from the CEO to the contrary. My concern for my client’s satisfaction and best interests was used against me. Ouch! That hurts on so many levels.

Just because one can take advantage of another person, does that mean one should? Best-selling books on the art of war and being a prince would say go for it. But I say there’s nothing noble in selfishness and greed. True nobility is knowing one has the upper hand and using it to raise up the other person instead of jamming them down further.

The deeper value is seeing people as being above things. Translation: relationships are greater than transactions. Results with responsibilities and citizenship can coexist and produce true greatness.

For a couple of decades I’ve worked with my CEO clients to get them to stop saying things like, “Our people are our greatest asset.” Assets are bought and sold as in slavery. Relating people to assets dehumanizes them and places them on par with the photocopier. By the way, the investment in the photocopier maintenance agreement often far exceeds the equivalent “maintenance agreement” for the people in training, development, and benefits. How sad is that!

Along this same line, the term Human Resources certainly isn’t endearing and doesn’t advance the cause of people as human beings. Resources is just another name for commodities or assets that are traded, discarded, and otherwise moved about indiscriminately. The Human Resources Department is a blind co-conspirator in the loss of human identity and dignity. Instead, rename the department to something like, “People Development” or “Talent Management” but not “human resources.” It is degrading.

I hold no delusions of grandeur that either the perfect person or company graces the face of the planet. Self-serving serpents slither the planet preying on others. We are all capable of being this way, yet deep within our spirit we yearn to a higher self, call, and standard. We’re better to aspire and fail than to have no aspiration at all.

Gazing with admiration upon the shells of “successful” men and women may provide inspiration, but it tends to deliver little instruction. You know better. Get the true back story from the secretaries, bookkeepers, janitors, clerks, delivery persons, and cafeteria workers in corporate headquarters. Look at their personal life. Are their personal lives as captivating as their business headlines? You’ll soon discern whether the person capturing the headlines and your attention is gold-plated or 24 karat solid gold.

Do this: Whether you’re leading your life, a team, or a business, you need to decide: Ambition, at what price? Knowing your purpose and defining your values is a great start to building a life and a career where you can put your head to your pillow at night and sleep soundly.

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Here are some famous quotes about money for your consideration and amusement.

“Money makes the world go around.” $100 bill stack

From the song Money (Watch the performance!) in the Broadway play Cabaret sung by Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.”

 1 Timothy 6

“A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.”

Jonathan Swift

“Get all you can [money], without hurting your soul, your body, or your neighbor. Save all you can, cutting off every needless expense. Give all you can.”

John Wesley

“With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well, too.”

Yiddish Proverb

Define Humility

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The On-Purpose Proverbs are short bits of wisdom that I’ve been writing for over a decade. I keep saying I need to put them in gift book format. But for now, here is one of my favorites about how I define humility for many of my clients:

Humility is knowing self relative to God and understanding which is the greater.

A new friend/colleague asked me to pray for the CEO of his company. The business has been widely successful in recent years with millions of people’s lives touched by their products. Such massive growth, then crisis and now a more stable growth pattern has been a roller coaster of a ride.

My entire life and career it seems I’ve been around CEOs. As a kid I was blessed to attend Shady Side Academy in Pittsburgh, PA. (Trivia: I was the last class president when it was an all-boys school.) Many of my friends’ fathers were the Presidents, CEOs and/or Chairman of the Board of major corporations. When you see a CEO running around the house in his underwear asking his wife where she put his pants one naturally learns a different sense of the humanness of the person relative to the power of the position!

In my career I’ve continued to work with CEOs and business leaders of billion dollar businesses and brand new ones. Experience shows me that leaders who have the kind of humility described in this On-Purpose Proverb tend to make wiser decisions. In addition to holding themselves to a higher standard, they tend to decide based more from such strength of self-awareness and knowledge. It isn’t as lonely at the top when one gets humility at the bottom of the soul.

Humility Is

 

 

How Do I Find Peace In My Life?

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In this Christmas time, the words “Peace on earth, goodwill to all” take on significance. In fact, this adage isn’t seasonal at all. It can be a part of your every day life.

Finding peace in your life is really a matter of finding peace in your spirit. When your spirit is calm, then peace of mind follows and the swirl of chaos and confusion is an annoyance, but unable to cut to the core of our being.

Peace is not like an elusive rainbow that can be seen but never visited. Peace can take residence in your heart when the space is there for it. Most of us have such cluttered spirits and have gotten ourselves so busy that we don’t have the margin to explore the possibilities within us, nor do we have the process to help us get there.

Peace and security are often joined at the hip as being mutually dependent. We may have a sense of security, but we aren’t really secure. The world is a broken and fallen place so security is an illusion.  

Security is simply protection from outside forces. Peace is the need for no protection. Yes, you can have a bit of heaven on earth. Peace can be owned. You’ve experienced it, haven’t you? Now you know when you have it and when you don’t.

Look for an On-Purpose Peace program in January. You’ll be hearing more in the next 30 days or so. On-Purpose Peace is both a one-on-one coaching program by Kevin W. McCarthy or Mary Tomlinson as well as a small group experience that can be self-facilitated.