Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Work Life Balance

Do You Want A Balanced Life?

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Download A Balanced Life

Do you want balance in your life?

If you said “Yes!” then chances are you’re singing what I call the “Work-Life Balance Blues,” a sad song of addictive striving but never arriving.

In a previous blog post titled Striving for Balance, I shared my thoughts about this misguided yet pervasive notion that you can obtain balance your life.

It is hogwash and the sooner you come to understand this, the sooner you’ll be able to get on with your life.

In today’s On-Purpose Minute, I share “The Balanced Life,” a poem I wrote back in 2004. My hope is you’ll begin to see the folly in living the false ideal of a balanced life. At the top of this post, there is a link to download the poem.

Now, let’s touch on the alternative approach to living your life: integrating your life.

So just how does one integrate life? Integration needs a point of integration. Here is where knowing your 2-word personal purpose statement is essential. If you don’t know who you are, then any old you can show up anytime. A great place to start learning about your 2-word purpose statement is our newly launched online tool that helps you know your purpose. Visit ONPURPOSE.me for more information.

The absence of a unifying identity leaves us at risk of dis-integrating. Very simply, your life is either integrating or disintegrating—being pulled together or torn apart.

Beginning in the 1970s, people would talk about “getting my life together.” Implied in this fragmented existence is the longing to be whole and peaceful.

Balance is a devilish “ideal.” Balance pits two opposing forces against each other to create a fragile momentary emotional truce. Balance is marketed as being so sane and wholesome. Yet it is insanity and destructive.

Seeking balance avoids the deeper questions of life and leaves us thirsting to do more, earn more, and to “have it all.” Sadly, the risks of obtaining balance in one’s life produce just the opposite effect of the desired outcome. Instead, we’re running hard and fast, busy, burdened, always feeling behind, incomplete, and ragged mentally and physically. Unquenched, we press onward in a lost war of static attrition until finally we crash and burn out on the sidelines of life.

Integration is a divine gift, a workable progression rather than an unstable state of frenzied efforts. When you are approaching oneness of body, mind, and spirit, you’re moving toward a more productive and positive state of practical living. Your focus shifts from a fragile existence built on sandy soil to the solid bedrock of your inherent essence.

Integration demands a unifying core — a point that forms, informs, and transforms the realities of the world. This window on the world helps us to make sense of the senselessness and to find meaning in the otherwise absurd.

Purpose is your dynamic point of integration.

Integrate your life around your purpose so you can be on-purpose.

Cut yourself free from the balanced life mantra that kills your energy and spirit with a distracting illusion. You don’t want a balanced life because it can’t be had. Live your life integrated around your purpose, and you’ll inevitably be an on-purpose person in creation.

Are You Full of “Should”?

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Stop “shoulding” on yourself and others.

Should is a powerfully debilitating word. It combines the spirit of good intention with a built-in disclaimer of failure. It is more potent than wishful thinking but far less honest. At least when we wish, we don’t really have the expectation of it coming true. Should—however directive and well intended—is deceptive and shame inducing.Should

Shoulds can be self-proclaimed.

Here are examples of typical shoulds:

  • “I should lose 20 pounds.”
  • “I should exercise more.”
  • “I should call my mother.”
  • “I should make that sales call.”
  • “I should save more money.”
  • “I should speak up for myself.”

These decrees of self-deception are mere words tossed off our tongues so we sound like we’re on top of a matter and knowledgeable … when, truthfully, we are not committed. Words without action amount to just a pile of sh… shoulds.

These “I should … ” statements are weasel words that neither inspire nor encourage.

Instead, we exile ourselves to be mired in mediocrity.

In the pairings below, which statement do you find more believable?

  • “I should lose 20 pounds.” Or “I will lose 20 pounds.”
  • “I should call my mother.” Or “I will call my mother.”
  • “I should get a better job.” Or “I am working to find a better job.”

The bottom line: Strike should from your vocabulary whether talking to yourself or someone else. People of strength don’t mince their words by shoulding on themselves or others.Detail_discoveryfree

P.S. As promised, here is the link to the free Discovery Guide preview. Use this preview version to gain clarity and direction for your life so you can say “yes” to what’s important to your life, career, and work.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

Will You Have A Happy, Healthy, & Prosperous New Year?

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(This video was originally recorded in 2011. While the year mentioned is not current, the message shared is timeless.)

To kick off the New Year, I’ve gathered a handful of On-Purpose Minutes and Business Minutes relevant to the popular New Year’s toast for a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year. Rather than it being a mere sentiment, why not make it a reality or at least invest your self in making your good life even better?

Put your good intentions into action!

For each aspect of this New Year gesture, dig deeper by clicking on the provided links to relevant Minutes.

Happy On-Purpose New Year!
Kevin

A Happy New Year

Happy is rightfully a great word to be associated with New Year’s Day. Much like time itself, happiness is fleeting, yet so desired. Who doesn’t want to be happy? The term “Happy New Year” embraces the chronological odometer as it turns and makes a fresh start for 2018. Relish the reminder.

Comparing Christmas Day to New Year’s Day reveals an interesting shift of words and implications. We will say Merry Christmas, but the word most reverently associated with this Christian holy day is joy, as in the song, Joy to the World.

Joy can be one’s reality regardless of whether circumstances are happy or unhappy. Trading in happiness is a far less stable currency of emotion. Joy is the gold standard.

Are You Happily Distracted?

How Do You Get The Job Of Your Life?

How Do I Find Peace In My Life?

A Healthy New Year

Several years ago, this over-50 former athlete turned business advisor, author, and speaker was resigned to wearing “my fat suit.” This is going to sound awful, but I was so accepting of my extra pounds that I used to say, “Unless I have a cancer, I probably won’t lose this weight.” Ugh!

Fortunately, that changed in March 2008, when I was booked by Dr. Wayne Andersen (sight unseen) to be the keynote speaker at the Take Shape For Life National Convention. I did the program, lost the weight, and haven’t really looked back at my old weight since. Admittedly, the holidays are the hardest part for me because I get so out of my normal routine; it is a festive time, and I’m addicted to sweets.

Are You Starting A Diet Monday?

Do You Want To Grow Into Maturity?

A Prosperous New Year

Prosperity is so overused, abused, and misunderstood. Let’s set the record straight.

Are You Prepared to Prosper?

Blessed Are The Profitmakers For They Shall Enrich The Earth

 

Is An Unhealthy Relationship Killing You?

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Unhealthy relationship

This On-Purpose Minute is designed to save lives. Perhaps it is you or someone you know who is caught in a cycle (yo-yo) of unhealthy weight gain and loss.

Why do we stay in unhealthy relationships? I’ve watched the reality crime shows on TV of domestic abuse and often wondered why people stay. It is easier to see the predicament of others than that of oneself.

I am recovering from an unhealthy relationship with chocolate, sugar, and ice cream—especially chocolate chip cookies. Watch today’s On-Purpose® Minute and see if you relate to my issue and what I’ve done to gain health in my life for the rest of my life.

Obesity in adults is highly avoidable.

Figuring out how not to eat or choosing “the best diet” for yourself or deciding what exercise program to start or having gastric bypass surgery are delaying tactics for too often avoiding the underlying and very real issues of weight gain.

A revised nutritional lifestyle is essential.

Before I had my health coach, you can’t imagine how many weight loss mythologies and misunderstandings I had about eating, dieting, and exercise. It is no wonder I was adding 2 to 4 pounds of weight per year and yo-yoing my weight throughout the year.

I have to thank Lori and Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen for helping me better understand and approach my unhealthy relationship. Any health advice I have to offer herein can be traced to what I’ve learned from Lori and Dr. A. They’ve saved the quality of my life and now I’m paying it forward.

First, take care of you. Then, like me, you’ll have something to give to others. You, too, can save people’s lives from the self-inflicted diseases brought on by being overweight or obese. You, too, can learn to better manage your type 2 diabetes, cholesterol, high blood pressure, and more that is brought on by your choices and habits.

There is a better way. Dr. A calls it “Optimal Health.”

Please let our health coaches help you get to a healthy weight and learn how to stay there. The quality of your life depends on it.

  • If a doctor or health coach is forwarding this blog posting to you, then follow up with him or her to help you redefine your unhealthy relationship with food.
  • If you need an introduction to a health coach like the one who helped me, then contact me and I’ll set it up for you. Reach me at info@on-purpose.com. Add “Health Coach Request” to the subject line.
  • If you need to talk with a counselor or therapist to help you overcome what’s eating you, then let me make an introduction for you. Reach me at info@on-purpose.com. Add “Counselor Request” to the subject line.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

P.S. Have you read FIT 4 Leading? In this book I address the top four obstacles to success. As you FIT 4 LEADINGmight have guessed, one of the four is health. Learn what you can do to become a better leader of your life.

The Job of Your Life … Finding A Job You Love?

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Finding a job you love is challenging, but it can be easy as 1, 2, 3. It takes a plan and a process along with patience. How do you go about creating or finding the job that is fulfilling and on-purpose? That’s the job of your life.

This video was originally aired on November 17, 2011, when the unemployment rate was over 10%. In the years since, the published unemployment rate is lower. In many circles today the underemployment rate and out-of-the-job-market rate remains very high. 

Every day I run into people who are underemployed or unemployed. This breaks my heart on many levels. Aside from their loss of income and financial struggles, what I often observe in their situation is a point of view that is detrimental to their current and long-term state of well-being. They’ll never get the job of their life. It is like the movie Dead Poets Society, where the one young man decides that a life of just pleasing others is worse than death.Kissing Cobras

Many people think a job equals security and identity. This erroneous, yet prevalent, worldview on work creates a cycle of being in and out of dissatisfying jobs or workplaces. Or, if the pay is sufficient, staying in a job one really doesn’t like all that much. The pain of change appears worse than the suffering on the job.

For a few dollars more, we’ll trade our precious life. What a waste! Yet, I fully understand and deeply appreciate the dilemma. Money is important to function in society, to eat, to be housed, etc. 

Don’t blame your job for your state of well-being. Instead, take responsibility for bringing meaning to the job! That sounds easier to do than it really is. But how?

First, don’t quit your day job just yet because I struck a nerve with you!

Second, let my 1-2-3 approach (see this On-Purpose Minute) settle in your spirit. Even if you think it is impractical, do you find yourself wishing you could actually do this? Do you imagine what’s really possible if you pursued your passion? 

Third, do your heart work! On-Purpose Peace and My On-Purpose Folder are remarkable workbooks for personal or small group study.

Fourth, if you’re thinking of starting your own business then connect with me. We have coaching and programs that can help you accelerate your planning process and success ratio. We even have healthy lifestyle coaching with On-Purpose Partners for a select few people.

The job of your life is to live your life on-purpose. To be as fully you as God intended and designed you to be.

Do You Have a Sense of Purpose?

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Look for it! You’ll hear it. Perhaps you’re even one who says it. “I did (such and such) and I had a real sense of purpose.” A “sense” is an inkling, a tiny bit, a nibble, a whiff, a morsel.

Why are you settling for so little? A sense of purpose is merely fumes on the combustible fuel found in truly knowing your purpose.

Invest 30 minutes to watch The POWER of Your 2-Word Purpose Statement. Learn what you’re missing and what you have to gain by knowing your 2-word purpose statement and learning to live on-purpose. Tip: When watching, click the “Listen” button. Next, place your cursor on the video controls and drag to minute 10 to the actual start of the webcast.

Ambition. At What Price?

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Click on text for more information about the On-Purpose Small Business Package

The desire to make a positive difference is the sweet, soulful heart of ambition. In contrast is blind ambition that tramples all in its path to accomplish an end, perhaps even a noble end at that, which is fraught with unhealthy costs. Much of this rests on your view of people.  

Which will mark your life, career, and legacy?

Herein lies the rub for many a business person. To what lengths are you willing to go to realize your ambitions?

Results, especially in the form of company sales and profits, are outward and tangible measures of success. Measurable signs, however, tell just a portion of the story. If you want to know the full story, ask the people along the way who helped to produce the results.

Here’s a painful example. For 12 months spanning 2008 to 2009, I worked nearly full time with a CEO client to author a book that codified his corporate culture, leadership development moves, and business strategy for internal use. Intending for the company to go public via IPO, the book also targeted Wall Street analysts and investors so they could readily grasp what truly made this company great.

The IPO market at that time dried up with the challenges in the economy. Instead, the company was purchased by a national competitor for $130 million. By the CEO’s own admission, the book helped them get more than $15 million in greater value for shareholders over the IPO price, plus they kept their name, and the CEO was offered the position of President over the merged companies.

“Wow!” you may be thinking, “That CEO had to be a happy man.” You would think so. Eight months after delivery of the manuscript, a client satisfaction clause I wrote into the contract was used to deny issuing me an “earned” six-figure stock bonus despite personal assurances from the CEO to the contrary. My concern for my client’s satisfaction and best interests was used against me. Ouch! That hurts on so many levels.

Just because one can take advantage of another person, does that mean one should? Best-selling books on the art of war and being a prince would say go for it. But I say there’s nothing noble in selfishness and greed. True nobility is knowing one has the upper hand and using it to raise up the other person instead of jamming them down further.

The deeper value is seeing people as being above things. Translation: relationships are greater than transactions. Results with responsibilities and citizenship can coexist and produce true greatness.

For a couple of decades I’ve worked with my CEO clients to get them to stop saying things like, “Our people are our greatest asset.” Assets are bought and sold as in slavery. Relating people to assets dehumanizes them and places them on par with the photocopier. By the way, the investment in the photocopier maintenance agreement often far exceeds the equivalent “maintenance agreement” for the people in training, development, and benefits. How sad is that!

Along this same line, the term Human Resources certainly isn’t endearing and doesn’t advance the cause of people as human beings. Resources is just another name for commodities or assets that are traded, discarded, and otherwise moved about indiscriminately. The Human Resources Department is a blind co-conspirator in the loss of human identity and dignity. Instead, rename the department to something like, “People Development” or “Talent Management” but not “human resources.” It is degrading.

I hold no delusions of grandeur that either the perfect person or company graces the face of the planet. Self-serving serpents slither the planet preying on others. We are all capable of being this way, yet deep within our spirit we yearn to a higher self, call, and standard. We’re better to aspire and fail than to have no aspiration at all.

Gazing with admiration upon the shells of “successful” men and women may provide inspiration, but it tends to deliver little instruction. You know better. Get the true back story from the secretaries, bookkeepers, janitors, clerks, delivery persons, and cafeteria workers in corporate headquarters. Look at their personal life. Are their personal lives as captivating as their business headlines? You’ll soon discern whether the person capturing the headlines and your attention is gold-plated or 24 karat solid gold.

Do this: Whether you’re leading your life, a team, or a business, you need to decide: Ambition, at what price? Knowing your purpose and defining your values is a great start to building a life and a career where you can put your head to your pillow at night and sleep soundly.

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Here are some famous quotes about money for your consideration and amusement.

“Money makes the world go around.” $100 bill stack

From the song Money (Watch the performance!) in the Broadway play Cabaret sung by Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.”

 1 Timothy 6

“A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.”

Jonathan Swift

“Get all you can [money], without hurting your soul, your body, or your neighbor. Save all you can, cutting off every needless expense. Give all you can.”

John Wesley

“With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well, too.”

Yiddish Proverb

Define Humility

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The On-Purpose Proverbs are short bits of wisdom that I’ve been writing for over a decade. I keep saying I need to put them in gift book format. But for now, here is one of my favorites about how I define humility for many of my clients:

Humility is knowing self relative to God and understanding which is the greater.

A new friend/colleague asked me to pray for the CEO of his company. The business has been widely successful in recent years with millions of people’s lives touched by their products. Such massive growth, then crisis and now a more stable growth pattern has been a roller coaster of a ride.

My entire life and career it seems I’ve been around CEOs. As a kid I was blessed to attend Shady Side Academy in Pittsburgh, PA. (Trivia: I was the last class president when it was an all-boys school.) Many of my friends’ fathers were the Presidents, CEOs and/or Chairman of the Board of major corporations. When you see a CEO running around the house in his underwear asking his wife where she put his pants one naturally learns a different sense of the humanness of the person relative to the power of the position!

In my career I’ve continued to work with CEOs and business leaders of billion dollar businesses and brand new ones. Experience shows me that leaders who have the kind of humility described in this On-Purpose Proverb tend to make wiser decisions. In addition to holding themselves to a higher standard, they tend to decide based more from such strength of self-awareness and knowledge. It isn’t as lonely at the top when one gets humility at the bottom of the soul.

Humility Is