Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Work Life Balance

30 pound weight loss – 7 Weeks!

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Tsfl_may_23_2008Unbelievable!  I am somewhat stunned.  After years of attempting to eat right, exercise, and drink more water… and failing to lose much beyond the initial five or ten pounds, I am actually down 30 pounds since April 4th.  That’s seven short weeks ago. 

Here is my weigh in photo taken just about 6;45 am this morning.  You may recall my blog post on April 4th with my scale reading 230!  My goal weight remains 40 pounds of weight loss or to reach 190 pounds.  Nevertheless, to break the 200 mark is a major milestone for me.  I can’t remember the last time I weighed under 200.  Certainly, when I was playing lots of competitive tennis at age 35 – some 18 years ago – I was in much better shape.  Playing in the Men’s 35 Nationals Clay Courts I hurt my knee and laid off for 13 years until a modest three-year return to courts.  I haven’t play for nearly two years now.  I would have to guess my weight has been above 200 since 1990.  I just can’t believe I let it slide like this for so long.

The picture that’s the header of my blog shows me in late October, 2007.  I probably weighed 235 at the time of the photo shoot.  Now, in addition to new clothes, I’ll soon need new photos taken for my web site and speaker kit.  This is what one calls a good problem. 

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I’ve stopped snoring… apparently!

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For years now, my wife has slept with earplugs because my snoring awakens her.  Since my son has been away at school the past two years, she has been actually going into his bedroom many nights to escape the snore machine. 

Judith left town shortly after I started the Take Shape for Life program and just returned on Wednesday, April 23.  Since she’s been back, I’ve found her sound asleep next to me every morning.  That hasn’t happened in months.  I asked her why.  She said she hasn’t been waking up in the middle of the night to my snores galore.

I’m wondering if the fact that I’m down 17 pounds since starting TSFL has anything to do with it.  You bet!  Now that I think about it, I’m resting more soundly, awakening more alert, and needing less sleep.  I never expected this outcome from dropping a few pounds. 

I’m very thankful.  Thankful for…
    the loss of weight
    the return of my sound sleeping
    the return of Judith’s sound sleep
    the increase in energy
    the gain of some waking time
    the healthier lifestyle

Be On-Purpose!

Kevin

If not balance in life, then what?

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“Kevin,” you ask, “If work life balance is a myth, then, what do I do instead?  How do I make a difference and make my life count?  I want to be productive on and off the job, earn that six-figure income while being true to myself.  I want to be a great spouse and parent.  I want wealth, financial independence, and security so I can be in a position to help and serve others in my community.  I want to be healthy, feel more settled in my spirit, and secure my future.  What do I do to make my life work better?  How do I become a leader in my life?”

Up to this point in my posts, I’ve held off providing you the alternative to work life balance for a reason.

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How Can So Many Be Wrong About Work Life Balance?

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In previous posts I’ve told you about the fallacy of seeking balance in your life.  I can only imagine that many people who are reading this post as well as this entire category are doubting my sanity.  How can so many people be so wrong?  Or, Kevin, what makes you think you have it right when all the world sees it differently?

Let me share a story with you…

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Striving for Life Balance

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Striving for balance is a crazy-making, pointless waste of your time, effort, and emotional energy. Attempting to live up to “the balanced life” standard only heaps on lumps of guilt and disappointment, along with a gnawing sense of low-grade failure. Living with the glass half full in a pessimist’s paradise, despite your hope, optimism, and desire for improvement.

The problem is epidemic. Our entire culture has so accepted the myth that balance in life is the accepted norm for what makes for a successful life. Well, perhaps, having tons of money is the even bigger myth. So behind materialism for confusing our concept of the ideal life is this idea of balance.

I’ve known for decades that this kind of thinking was erroneous, yet the point was driven home to me in the spring of 2006. I was an in-studio radio show guest on Lee & Friends hosted by Lee Brandel on AM 950 WTLN in Orlando, FL. When I shared my perspective on work-life balance, here’s what Lee had to say:

“Thank you! In twenty years of interviewing, you are the first guest to ever tell my listeners and me to stop trying to balance our lives! What a refreshing and insightful thought. I am relieved.”

Is it any wonder why we when we feel so blue and down about ourselves that we run to Starbucks for a java jumpstart for the burned-out battery of our souls? We’re putting together life’s puzzle with flawed instructions and paying the price in every aspect of our lives and careers.

For too many years, you’ve had the wool pulled over your eyes by legions of work-life gurus and coaches. These “experts” have also bought the lie. They’ve unquestioningly mimicked what they heard and merely accepted the pursuit of work-life balance as a greater truth and aspiration. Just because a lie is repeated, doesn’t make it true. Yet the idea of balancing your work commitments and family obligations is so cemented in our culture that it is given universal truth status.

I’m a self-help heretic on this topic. I’m telling you there’s no sense in pursuing work-life balance. Open up your life to a new possibility where you’ll get higher dividends for all of your effort and energy with no risk of failure.

It’s like a man who spent his entire life staring at the corner of a towering wall. He’s master of its every nuance and built a good life being a wall looker. He lives in a safe and secure place that’s his home.

Then I come along, turn him around, and say, “Look what’s been behind you the whole time! There’s a garden, mountains, the ocean, and a horizon that stretches as far as the eye can see. You can go to these places or turn back around to your corner wall world.” I urge him, “Please step with me to these new places, experiences, and adventure of a lifetime.”

He answered, “But I’ve never experienced any of what you’re describing. It can’t be for real. It is all just an illusion.” He turns around to continue living his safe and secure life at the corner wall.

Don’t be a wall watcher any longer.

The #1 Reason You Won’t Achieve Work Life Balance!

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Do you believe the sun, planets, and stars revolve around the earth?  Of course not!  The Ancient Greeks believed the world was flat.  Centuries later this was still the prevailing wisdom and teaching of the day.  Then along came Nicolaus Copernicus who changed the course of modern science and astronomy. 

What about today?  How can so many of the best and brightest be so wrong about work life balance?  Are you one of them?

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The Myth of Work Life Balance

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How do I achieve work life balance?  Here is another question I get asked frequently.  And here is where I am a self-help heretic. 

Call it what you may, life work balance, work life balance, balancing my life, finding balance, or whatever description you want to use.  Work life balance is a myth, a distraction, a misguided principle, a false concept, an inaccurate ideal, and a missed target. 

Here on my blog I’ll be exploring The Myth of Work Life Balance and invite your comments, questions, and, frankly, disagreements.  I’ve debated this with many persons.  More importantly, you won’t be left hanging.  There is a better alternative.