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Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

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Are You Owning Your Mistakes?

May 15, 2018 By kwmccarthy

Mistakes are inevitable, yet the fixation on perfection in our society is debilitating.

Whether it be lawmakers, bakers, payroll makers, or homemakers, the fear of making a mistake can flatten one’s life into a “safe zone” of mediocrity. Risks and loss are inevitable when one ventures into life or work with a sense of wonder and discovery. You are better off to have a mistake than to miss-a-take at what could be.

It is a mistake to view mistakes as merely mistakes.

Instead, mistakes can lead to retakes and become invaluable guideposts to life and growth of one’s personal growth and leadership. Mistakes open doors to learning or blaze new pathways that might otherwise go undiscovered.

  • “Mistakes” enabled Thomas Edison to discover 9,999 ways a light bulb couldn’t work. And in the process, he developed a reliable means of tracking research and increasing his knowledge of elements.
  • “Mistakes” created the Post-It® Note. “Mistakes” often open doors to new frontiers of thought, use, and development.

Just Say It!

“Yes, that’s my mistake.” These are the four magic words that when said sincerely are your path to a healthier and happier life without the stress and strain imposed by the pride of perfection and the need to be right. It will take practice and some hard swallowing, but you’ll be amazed at how much simpler life becomes.

Problem ownership is your best chance to open the door to mercy, grace, and forgiveness. The risk of owning up has a downside of consequences, but it also has the upside of building trust and rapport. In practical terms, when the mistake is out in the open versus covered-up, a solution or fix will happen sooner and with less cost.

Take Your Mistakes Like A Leader

When we make a mistake, our natural reaction is to be defensive. We retreat and distance ourselves from the mistake and then look to whom we can pass off the blame. Shedding responsibility for a mistake may momentarily soothe the psyche, but each pass of the buck creates a self-inflicted bite upon one’s soul.

Admittedly, most of us prefer to cover our mistakes under a blanket of embarrassment, shame, or self-pity. Stopping dead in our tracks at our mistakes to point fingers at people, circumstances, and systems invites a bitter and negative stronghold to enter our emotional and spiritual system. We’re stuck in a self-imposed unhealthy manner of living that taints every aspect of our lives. Now that’s a tragic and true mistake!

Compounding our initial mistake with another more sinister mistake knits a habit of ill-fitted denial into the fabric of our lives.

Do this too often and we live in a straitjacket of fear of failure and bitter close-minded defensiveness. In time, the fear of exposure arrests our maturity and so we become the very thing we fear most—a dull and ordinary blank slate of a person with no distinguishing quality. We live small (which is different from living humbly). Repeating these actions and circumstances reinforces a debilitating pattern and fuels a vicious cycle of defeat.

Lincoln memorial cent, with the S mintmark of ...Image via Wikipedia

A Penny For Your Thoughts

Life need not be this way. Instead, what if mistakes are friends in the form of hard lessons? They’re not roadblocks, per se, but guideposts revealing a better way to navigate life. Mistakes can help us know who we are and what we’re called to be about with our special gift of time on the planet.

Mistakes are an odd currency of redemption. Their true value comes with a cost in the form of a workout where we have to face ourselves. Throwing “good money after bad” is viscerally upsetting. We’ve been given an intellectual and spiritual capacity to rise higher and dig even deeper to strengthen our condition regardless of the proposed outcome. It only requires us to admit our mistake and gain the clarity and opportunity to set things right—stronger and better than before in some cases.

Wisdom is often the byproduct of mistakes, provided we invest in processing the lessons to be learned. Here’s where a mentor or coach can help us reflect and grow. If you’re seeking that mentor or coach, perhaps we can help you?

Are You In The Midst Of A Tough Shift?

April 10, 2018 By kwmccarthy

A Tough Shift™ occurs when we’re caught in the middle of change and struggling to make a smooth transition.

We each react differently. On pages 93–96 in The On-Purpose Person you may recall Bob Scott telling the man about “floaters, fighters, fleers, flitters, and navigators.”

A Tough Shift™ reveals your natural response to challenging situations.

As Dr. Phil would ask, “So how’s that working for you?” On-purpose persons strategically think through how to navigate the circumstances, people, and flow of a Tough Shift. In time and with training, you’ll learn to navigate your way more smoothly and rapidly through Tough Shifts.

Becoming the navigator of your life is a personal leadership learned skill and trait that anyone can master over time with experience and practice. If once a year, you’ll grab and work through The On-Purpose Person and On-Purpose Peace, you’ll be amazed at your improvement with navigating Tough Shifts.On-Purpose Peace FE cover(3)

You need not go it alone either. You can start or join a facilitated small group and begin mastering what it means to be On-Purpose®.

Do you find yourself fretting, fearful, or discouraged? As you come to appreciate that Tough Shifts are inevitable, then you’re in a better position to productively and positively navigate the change upon you.

Tough shifts are events such as

  • changing careers
  • starting a business
  • having a baby
  • retiring
  • getting married or divorced
  • the dying of a loved one
  • moving
  • switching jobs

They’re all around us. Some are smoothly managed; others are not. That’s when we need help.

Tough shifts happen in business, too. They come in the form of

  • changing markets
  • competition
  • job changes
  • personnel transfers
  • mergers
  • acquisitions
  • new bosses and co-workers

In a global economy, changes in one part of the world can affect you in your part of the world.

What to do? Take heart!

Purpose is symbolized by the heart. Knowing your 2-word purpose statement provides a “north star” and a home base even in the midst of the swirl and turbulence about you. Once you have your north star, you’re in the best position ever to navigate the challenges you face with a healthier, less stressful response that is more likely to produce a better outcome.

As a kid, I remember learning to drive a stick shift in a grey-blue 1962 MG Midget thatJimW_01s our family owned. This car made today’s Mini Cooper look big. It was basically a tin coffin with an engine and wheels and a removable lid. It had paper-thin doors, slide on windows, a pull starter, and it was absolutely the most fun car in the world to tool around town in. (I can’t believe I found a photo online of one that looks just like ours! Same color and style even to the dark blue convertible top.)

My digression into my ’62 MG Midget personal history is about learning to shift gears. I remember the first sounds and feel of that gearshift in my hand as I attempted to sync the clutch, the gearshift, and still steer the car. Today, I still find myself driving two-footed every now and then with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. Growing up in the “South Hills” of Pittsburgh meant I needed to master it all fast, lest I drift into the car behind me at all stops! Today, driving a stick is still second nature thanks to what I mastered at age 16 to 18.

Tough shifts in life are similar to my experience of learning to drive a stick shift. They can be difficult, noisy, rough, clashing, and damaging with the threat of even worse things happening. On the other hand, once mastered, the ability to make what used to be a tough shift becomes an opportunity to efficiently go places. The skills are transferable to other “vehicles.” The lessons learned stay with us.

So when you’re in the middle of a tough shift, remember your purpose, press onward, and know that every shift can lead to the next gear.

Every tough shift gets you closer to your destination.


Discover your 2-word Personal Purpose Statement at ONPURPOSE.me. This online app will guide you through a process of selecting a purpose statement, plus you’ll receive a 10-email course that’s practical to being on-purpose. The limited-time reduced launch price is currently available.

Wander Woman, by Marcia Reynolds

June 25, 2010 By kwmccarthy

41vuiFxLoeL._SL160_ This interview with Marcia Reynolds about her new book Wander Woman, hit me with a mix of appreciation and sadness.  Please watch the interview, read the rest of my comments, and then add your thoughts to the conversation.  What's your take on the interview? 

Marcia's observation of high performing women and her discussion of their challenges, frustrations, and ambitions parallel some my experiences with female executives.  My deep appreciation for her comments is the manner in which she has truly drilled deep to get to the subtle nuances of the Wandering Woman condition.  She paints an accurate picture as best I can tell for this stage of personal leadership development.

In particular, Marcia's concept of Wander Women wanting a knight instead of a king for a marriage partner intrigued me.  I have to wonder, women who are reading this, do you agree?

My sadness with the interview (the book may provide further insights) was that Marcia is scratching the surface on vital women's issues such as identity, life balance, relationships, purpose, meaning, work, community, leadership, etc… yet there's an absence of inherent hope and joy in Marcia's underlying demeanor.  Again, just one man's intuition here that something is missing.  Is it the absence of a strong spiritual component that I sense?  Is it a woman wandering in an unsettled way and striving to make rational peace with it rather than getting the matter resolved in her heart?

The Old Testament story of Moses and the Jews wandering in the desert for 40 years comes to mind as I begin to grasp this concept.  Let's hope that Marcia Reynolds will one day be able to write a sequel, The Promised Land Lady.

Wander women, I must ask you, is being a wandering woman what you want?  Is this concept simply an unresolved justification for stopping short of really knowing who you are, why you are here, where you are going, and what's important along the way?  Can high performing women be settled souls instead of wandering women?

Be On-Purpose!

Kevin

Here is a related On-Purpose Minute that you might find helpful:  How Do You Manage Disappointment?

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What’s Your Valentines Day Advice?

February 5, 2010 By kwmccarthy

20680_1323712497320_1366104299_918444_5919804_nWhat's your greatest advice for keeping your marriage together?  Let me hear from you on this one!  With Valentines Day fast approaching, it would be great to gather some insights – serious and humorous alike.

The "best advice" I ever got was from a man married for 39 years.  I was in college at the time and his daughter was a dear friend of mine. As he drank his morning coffee, I asked, "Mr. Collier, to what do you attribute the longevity of your marriage to Mrs. Collier?"

Immediately he answered, "Early in our marriage we came to an agreement that I would make all the big decisions in our marriage and my bride would handle all the small decisions.  Amazingly, in 39 years of marriage there has been nothing but small decisions."

I can remember laughing as he shared that advice.  After over 25 years of marriage to my bride, I fully appreciate his humorous wisdom even more.  If only I had listened better…

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

PS: Photo is the McCarthy Family:  Charles, Judith, Anne, and Kevin

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Amazing Actual Wedding Music Video

May 23, 2009 By kwmccarthy

With June brides and grooms getting set for the big day… consider the possibilities!  This bride and groom had a ball at their wedding.  FYI – this is an actual wedding video.  You just have to laugh!


Brian & Eileen's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

Here is a link to LOCKDown projects, the team that put this video together.

I’ve stopped snoring… apparently!

April 26, 2008 By kwmccarthy

For years now, my wife has slept with earplugs because my snoring awakens her.  Since my son has been away at school the past two years, she has been actually going into his bedroom many nights to escape the snore machine. 

Judith left town shortly after I started the Take Shape for Life program and just returned on Wednesday, April 23.  Since she’s been back, I’ve found her sound asleep next to me every morning.  That hasn’t happened in months.  I asked her why.  She said she hasn’t been waking up in the middle of the night to my snores galore.

I’m wondering if the fact that I’m down 17 pounds since starting TSFL has anything to do with it.  You bet!  Now that I think about it, I’m resting more soundly, awakening more alert, and needing less sleep.  I never expected this outcome from dropping a few pounds. 

I’m very thankful.  Thankful for…
    the loss of weight
    the return of my sound sleeping
    the return of Judith’s sound sleep
    the increase in energy
    the gain of some waking time
    the healthier lifestyle

Be On-Purpose!

Kevin

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