Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Health

Am I Irritating The Living Hell Out of You?

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Typically when someone is irritating the living hell out of us, this bothersome behavior provokes the fight or flight impulse. While the expression is often used, what if there really is more than meets the idiom?

How many of us find ourselves or someone close to us caught in a living hell within our body, mind, spirit, and financial condition?

There’s nothing worse than this sense of hopelessness except resignation to the hopelessness and denial.

On-Purpose® is about awakening us to face our “living hell” by getting to the core of our being which by definition is good, pure, and whole—our purpose. Here is the keyhole to the escape hatch into being true to ourselves.

Choose hope!

Putting a name on our situation strengthens us to face it more directly, boldly, and successfully.

Why not experience the promise of “on earth as it is in heaven” on-purpose? Yes, I hope tshareasimage(5)his message irritates the living hell out of you … and you’ll thank me for it.

Escape Your Living Hell

On a highly selective basis, I’m looking to mentor and develop quality people who want to build a true business as a coach. This will mean learning, ongoing dialogue and development, determination, and a long-term commitment to stay the course. You’ll be helping your clients get to a healthier place in their lives in the most robust sense of well-being. For you this means work, learning to engage clients, and growing as a leader on-purpose.

Interested? Email me why you think this sounds like you. I’m conducting interviews to work with 3 people.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

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Pointer: I make reference to The Service Model™ in this On-Purpose Minute. Here is a link to review, purchase, and download a copy. Click Here for Your Copy.

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Look at the kid in the front row, fourth from the left! Yep, the one with the rolled-up pants (room to grow) and checkered jacket. That’s yours truly in Mrs. (Lois) Johnson’s Kindergarten in Bethel Park, PA! My guess is the photo was taken in 1960 and I’m five years old. I was one of the youngest kids in this class.

Mrs. Johnson Kindergarten

I was blessed with a very happy childhood. I don’t look really happy on the day of this photograph. Come to think of it, none of the boys look too thrilled to be this close to girls (yuck!) and under such tight control with our hands in our laps!

In reviewing my report card from those days, I read “Kevin is young and lacks confidence.” Fortunately, my parents decided to hold me back a year so I could grow in confidence. Yes, I repeated kindergarten! My parents’ wisdom set me on a more positive trajectory for life. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Odd that I still remember those words and that label “Kevin … lacks confidence.” It used to really bug me that I was a person who lacked confidence. As I’ve matured, I realize how wrong my understanding of that statement was. Mrs. Johnson was offering feedback to my parents so they could make informed decisions to remedy the matter rather than labeling me. I’m the one who mistakenly “owned” the label. Five- and six-year-old minds do things like that. Sadly, so do 25-, 35-, 45- … year-old minds, too!

Each of us lacks confidence at the start of anything new. Confidence can apply to a skill or aptitude but not to the very nature or soul of a person—that’s just too destructive.

Have you bought a lie that you lack confidence or some other such nonsense? Don’t!

Let’s rephrase the statement and shift your perspective. You just haven’t yet found the bedrock of your beliefs and faith upon which to grow in confidence! I promise you that this solid ground for the soul exists in you. Like innate leadership, you have a place where you are designed and destined to be confident. It is a birthright that you may need to claim (or reclaim). Keep looking!

Look into the eyes of that little boy on the first row then and today in the video. As a person, does he lack confidence today? I’ve been a speaker in arenas in front of thousands. I’ve been on TV and radio broadcasts throughout the USA and Canada. People without confidence don’t do that.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

There’s the question I’m placing before you. I’ve found the readers of this blog are a bright bunch of people. Please share your insights, comments, or quotes in the Comments section below. Let’s help one another become more confident as leaders of our lives.

Quotes About Confidence

Readers of The On-Purpose Person and The On-Purpose Business Person know that I start each chapter with a quotation. For this post, I turned to my book of quotations about confidence specifically. These quotations will stimulate your thinking:

“I had no vision of the scope of what I would start. But I had confidence that as long as we did our work well and were good to our customers, there would be no limit to us.”

    Sam Walton, Founder of Walmart (1918–1992)

“To do anything in this world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in, and scramble through as well as we can.”

    Sydney Smith, Anglican Clergyman and writer (1771–1845)

“Fortunate is the person who has developed the self-control to steer a straight course toward his objective in life, without being swayed from his purpose by either commendation or condemnation.”

    Napoleon Hill, Author, Think and Grow Rich

“Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.”

    Channing Pollack, U.S. Magician and Hollywood Actor (1926–2006)

“Confidence is the feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.”

     Cicero, Roman philosopher, 1st Century B.C.

 

I leave you with one parting On-Purpose Proverb:

“Awareness of one’s lack of confidence indicates that your heart and your head are still talking. They just need to get the rest of the body moving so the next lesson can be learned more readily.”

Is Your Career In The Midst of A Tough Shift™?

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Job loss, underemployment, a part-time job instead of a full-time job, less pay for less rewarding work. Or perhaps you just don’t like the job you have. You are in the midst of or contemplating a Tough Shift™.

Don’t go through it alone! And, you’re not alone.

Stock market volatility, technology changes, and the gig economy might have you considering other career options.

When the U.S. economy catches a cold, the whole world sneezes! This unfortunate effect has many people spinning and caught in a round of chaos and confusion. Couple this with technology changes and the personal fallout from job loss and underemployment—it all amounts to a serious worldwide tough shift.

Change is never easy, but change under duress is even tougher.

Fear, worry, doubt, and anxiety creep into us. This affects us at some profound subconscious level and begins to be communicated. Our nervous vibe causes others to view us as desperate and risky. This perpetuates our greatest fears from the tough shift.

Is now the time to explore starting a business?

It can be an intimidating undertaking but there are many options to explore out there. For decades I’ve worked with business start-ups to design, advise, and guide the growth and development of the business plan and leader.

Don’t go it alone.

Find a business advisor or mentor who can see clearly into your blind spots. Yes, you’ll invest a few dollars, but you’ll gain time to market and create a more profitable and better working operation. There are no short-cuts to business creation, but why add unnecessary delays and detours out of your own inexperience?

So while you’re looking for a job you can be creating one, too … for yourself. Who knows, you may never have to go to work for someone else again!

This On-Purpose Business Minute offers some simple and calming insights.

Are you ready to tackle the underlying issues, so you’re tough shift proofed?

Do You Want A Balanced Life?

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Download A Balanced Life

Do you want balance in your life?

If you said “Yes!” then chances are you’re singing what I call the “Work-Life Balance Blues,” a sad song of addictive striving but never arriving.

In a previous blog post titled Striving for Balance, I shared my thoughts about this misguided yet pervasive notion that you can obtain balance your life.

It is hogwash and the sooner you come to understand this, the sooner you’ll be able to get on with your life.

In today’s On-Purpose Minute, I share “The Balanced Life,” a poem I wrote back in 2004. My hope is you’ll begin to see the folly in living the false ideal of a balanced life. At the top of this post, there is a link to download the poem.

Now, let’s touch on the alternative approach to living your life: integrating your life.

So just how does one integrate life? Integration needs a point of integration. Here is where knowing your 2-word personal purpose statement is essential. If you don’t know who you are, then any old you can show up anytime. A great place to start learning about your 2-word purpose statement is our newly launched online tool that helps you know your purpose. Visit ONPURPOSE.me for more information.

The absence of a unifying identity leaves us at risk of dis-integrating. Very simply, your life is either integrating or disintegrating—being pulled together or torn apart.

Beginning in the 1970s, people would talk about “getting my life together.” Implied in this fragmented existence is the longing to be whole and peaceful.

Balance is a devilish “ideal.” Balance pits two opposing forces against each other to create a fragile momentary emotional truce. Balance is marketed as being so sane and wholesome. Yet it is insanity and destructive.

Seeking balance avoids the deeper questions of life and leaves us thirsting to do more, earn more, and to “have it all.” Sadly, the risks of obtaining balance in one’s life produce just the opposite effect of the desired outcome. Instead, we’re running hard and fast, busy, burdened, always feeling behind, incomplete, and ragged mentally and physically. Unquenched, we press onward in a lost war of static attrition until finally we crash and burn out on the sidelines of life.

Integration is a divine gift, a workable progression rather than an unstable state of frenzied efforts. When you are approaching oneness of body, mind, and spirit, you’re moving toward a more productive and positive state of practical living. Your focus shifts from a fragile existence built on sandy soil to the solid bedrock of your inherent essence.

Integration demands a unifying core — a point that forms, informs, and transforms the realities of the world. This window on the world helps us to make sense of the senselessness and to find meaning in the otherwise absurd.

Purpose is your dynamic point of integration.

Integrate your life around your purpose so you can be on-purpose.

Cut yourself free from the balanced life mantra that kills your energy and spirit with a distracting illusion. You don’t want a balanced life because it can’t be had. Live your life integrated around your purpose, and you’ll inevitably be an on-purpose person in creation.

Will You Have A Happy, Healthy, & Prosperous New Year?

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(This video was originally recorded in 2011. While the year mentioned is not current, the message shared is timeless.)

To kick off the New Year, I’ve gathered a handful of On-Purpose Minutes and Business Minutes relevant to the popular New Year’s toast for a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year. Rather than it being a mere sentiment, why not make it a reality or at least invest your self in making your good life even better?

Put your good intentions into action!

For each aspect of this New Year gesture, dig deeper by clicking on the provided links to relevant Minutes.

Happy On-Purpose New Year!
Kevin

A Happy New Year

Happy is rightfully a great word to be associated with New Year’s Day. Much like time itself, happiness is fleeting, yet so desired. Who doesn’t want to be happy? The term “Happy New Year” embraces the chronological odometer as it turns and makes a fresh start for 2018. Relish the reminder.

Comparing Christmas Day to New Year’s Day reveals an interesting shift of words and implications. We will say Merry Christmas, but the word most reverently associated with this Christian holy day is joy, as in the song, Joy to the World.

Joy can be one’s reality regardless of whether circumstances are happy or unhappy. Trading in happiness is a far less stable currency of emotion. Joy is the gold standard.

Are You Happily Distracted?

How Do You Get The Job Of Your Life?

How Do I Find Peace In My Life?

A Healthy New Year

Several years ago, this over-50 former athlete turned business advisor, author, and speaker was resigned to wearing “my fat suit.” This is going to sound awful, but I was so accepting of my extra pounds that I used to say, “Unless I have a cancer, I probably won’t lose this weight.” Ugh!

Fortunately, that changed in March 2008, when I was booked by Dr. Wayne Andersen (sight unseen) to be the keynote speaker at the Take Shape For Life National Convention. I did the program, lost the weight, and haven’t really looked back at my old weight since. Admittedly, the holidays are the hardest part for me because I get so out of my normal routine; it is a festive time, and I’m addicted to sweets.

Are You Starting A Diet Monday?

Do You Want To Grow Into Maturity?

A Prosperous New Year

Prosperity is so overused, abused, and misunderstood. Let’s set the record straight.

Are You Prepared to Prosper?

Blessed Are The Profitmakers For They Shall Enrich The Earth

 

Do You Want to Grow into Maturity?

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What does it mean to be a grownup, to mature, or to assume adult behavior?

Sadly, far too many adult women and men haven’t a clue what it means to act, live, and be an adult. The process of growing into maturity eludes them.

We men, in particular, seem slow to grow into the responsibilities of manhood. It has less to do with the physiology of aging and more to do with psychology and social norms. Matters like avoidance of responsibilities and lack of clarity around modern male roles complicate it and make it that much easier to put off being a man.maturity is

Perhaps the story of Peter Pan is too taken to heart and we’ve decided to “Never Grow Up.”

Women suffer from lack of maturity as well. My mother is in a retirement living situation where the women outnumber the men probably 3 to 1. When I speak with the female staff about many of the senior women, they tell tales of a new man arriving on the scene and it is like junior high girls bickering and posturing.

What a loss!

We can’t really be a very fully engaged on-purpose player when we’re living below our maturity level.

When our identity is tied to something other than our purpose, we’re subject to the whims of the world or the mercurial nature of other people’s opinions about us.

Maturity, like anything worthwhile, begins with a decision to grow up.

Yes, it takes practice, often a mentor or coach, and the desire to keep at it. And work and emotional management! Practice does pay off. The rewards of maturity are to live into the life designed for us and to make a greater contribution with our life.

Seek out a mentor, life coach, or counselor with whom you can create a structured relationship for personal leadership growth and development. This intentional approach and relationship provide the benefits of accountability, fresh perspective, and experience.

On-Purpose Partners can help with On-Purpose Peace through Do-It-Yourself (DIY) or Do-It-Right (DIR) with one of our coaches.

If you want to learn something new, then invest in becoming a more mature and capable person.

Take one step toward being more responsible for yourself. Then another step, then another. Soon you’ll discover that growing up isn’t such a big deal if you take care of the small deals along the way.

On-Purpose Tip: The process within The On-Purpose Person provides a methodology to better answer some of Life’s Great Questions about our identity and place in the world. If you don’t know who you are, then you’ll likely overcompensate by living life either too small or too large. The posing can become a preoccupation instead of being about your true occupation.

Stop wasting your years! Decide to grow up.

Why Am I Fearful?

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Does fear interfere with your life, business, or career?

What’s your fear? What are you fearful of? Where in your life do you say, “I am afraid of … ,” yet you know it is a hang-up—not a danger to your life or limb?

Would you like to be at a place where you can say, “I am not afraid” … and mean it? Read on!

Fear, like pain, is partially designed to be our friend, not our foe.

  • Fear keeps us from being in harm’s way.
  • Fear protects us from injury, peril, and even death.
  • Fear provides for self-preservation.

This is our good or helpful fear.

Bad or harmful fear debilitates our inherent motivation and destroys our confidence. The ripple effects beyond oneself can damage relationships, opportunities, jobs, finances, and more.

  • Fear can be an occupying foe taking up unjust strongholds in our spirit, mind, and body.
  • Fear can lead to anxiety that spawns a panic attack that triggers the fight or flight reaction.

This fear is unhealthy in every aspect.

Fear is not to be necessarily avoided; it is, however, to be understood.

Fear is a God-given guidepost to growth and healing. Facing fear, however, is not a solitary endeavor. Be wise and seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist skilled in working you through your fear in a progressive manner.

Why bother?

If you’re locked in unhealthy fears, your aspirations and dreams are muted.

When fear prevails it is hard to be on-purpose.

Are Your Excuses Getting Old?

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Listen to what you say about yourself!

Stop using your age, for example, as an excuse that prevents you from becoming and doing what is on-purpose or what is most important in your life. Age is a fact. It comes with certain physical realities—even some limitations—but why give it greater permission than it deserves to control the well-being of your life?

You get to choose your attitude about age.

BABY BOOMER & GEN X ALERT: Do not read unless you are prepared to face reality.

MILLENNIALS: Scroll down

Judith, my wife, and I offer health coaching services that help clients create a healthier, on-purpose lifestyle. Being overweight contributes to many diseases and conditions such as type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Too many of our pre-clients subscribe to the “getting old” excuse to “rationalize” unhealthy choices versus accepting responsibility and actually doing something about it.

We can’t turn back the hands of time, but we don’t need to speed up the biological clock either.

The onset of aging is inevitable, even desirable considering the alternative. Edward Bulwer-Lytton‘s quotation about aging captures the essence of the choices about growing older: “It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.”

Are You Maturing or Just Getting Old? is the title of a prior On-Purpose Minute. In it, viewers were confronted with a choice to mature or simply grow old. In a slightly different twist, I pose the question again: Are you resigned to your condition or will you accept responsibility?

Frankly, your “old age” excuses are getting old.

Avoid letting the measure of life be your years on the planet. It matters not whether we’re talking your health, career, attitude, finances, or whatever. You are in greater control than your age is. Don’t let hardening of your attitude be your downfall when you can harken new possibilities into being. Embrace the changing dynamics and adventures that come with time. Rather than running from them, run to them.

When chronology defines you, then the impersonal march of time becomes your master. Instead, reject the “I’m getting old” excuse and toss out the devil of your premature personal demise on his big fat red tail.

Stop willingly accepting age as an excuse for infirmities of many makings. It is one thing to age gracefully, quite another to employ it as a rationale for self-inflicted infirmities of the mind, body, and spirit. Age is a measure of a life in years, not a life sentence.

Let’s Retire Retirement

The age of retirement, even the concept of “the age of retirement,” is an artificial construct by the government or a company. Admittedly, for many it is a very important finish line in a long and productive career. And that’s all it is!

  • How might your thinking be different if the age of retirement were 80 years old instead of 65?
  • What if you had to be 70+ instead of 50+ to get an AARP or AMAC card?
  • Would you take better care of yourself?
  • Would you dream different dreams?
  • Would you invest your time differently?

Did you know that the two highest risks of mortality are birth and retirement? So, you got past the first one. Now what’s your thinking about the second highest risk factor? After traditional retirement there begins an 18-month time frame of high mortality for workers. There’s a profound link between health and the loss of feeling needed or useful.

What benefits are there to succumb to these artificial ages and deadlines?

You—the independent thinker and aspiring leader—have you bought into the cultural norm and fallen prey to the group think?

Resist the lies surrounding the age of retirement as being life-defining and health-declining. Yes, circumstances and conditions change, but your spirit and purpose are forever.

Millennial Alert, Too!

Age is not just an excuse of the senior citizens; it influences youth as well.

Excuses such as “I’m too young for anyone to take me seriously,” or “Hey, you’re only young once, so I might as well get drunk tonight,” are self-deceiving ploys often unwittingly designed to put off the inevitable maturation process of becoming a man or woman of fine character.

The “age of the heart” is timeless.

Baby boomer, Millennial, or Gen X: Choose to carry a youthful spirit, attitude, perspective, and activity in your heart regardless of the condition of your physical shell. Choose to mature into wisdom, leadership, grace, empathy, service, compassion, and well-being. That choice comes at any age. We’re blessed with the Great Generation because those who remain generally personify positive and productive choice. Think that’s a clue?

Purpose is a matter of the heart.

Explore your heart’s condition and you’ll more likely embrace the depth of your being and discover just how miraculously and wonderfully made you are and can be. You’ll also live a longer, healthier, and more meaningful life. There’s a reason why I autograph my books with “Be On-Purpose!” I want to remind you to be who you truly are and the best version of you possible.

Give yourself the gift of a joyful life by rejecting your old excuses and choose to be on-purpose.

Update: This On-Purpose Minute originally aired in March of 2011.

At that time I did start working out with Anne on the stadium steps at our local high school and got back into great shape. The point is that while age and aging is a reality—if we’re using age as an excuse—we must stop and take a hard look whether we’re painting with too broad of a brush. Stop using age, any age, as an excuse and be real about what’s really going on.

Update 2: Anne was home recently and invited me to go run the stadium steps. Game on! It had been some time, but I did 2 sets of stadium steps, felt my leg burns, and discovered what I already knew: I still have it … but not nearly as much of it! : ) I need to get back in better shape.