Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Work Life Balance

What Is It About This Milestone?

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(This video was recorded a few years ago, on the event of our daughter, Anne, turning 18.)

It is graduation season. Many young people—and their parents—are facing transition.

It is a milestone for young people in terms of coming to legal age. While parental responsibilities for education aren’t going away anytime soon, it does represent a passage of sorts for all of us. It also presents parents with new options as we begin living more as empty nesters.

What’s your advice to parents about redefining how to best create amazing adult children relationships?

Please share your thoughts by using the comment section below (not email) to help us have a parents’ guide to this new beginning. You’ll help a number of parents facing the same transition.

  • Are your children all adults? Having crossed this threshold, what advice do you have to offer?
  • Have you recently crossed the threshold into adulthood or do you have a memory of your 18th birthday that brings a bit of wisdom or even levity to the matter? Please share it below.

I posted this question on my Facebook page on my daughter’s birthday a few years ago. Here’s some of the advice from my Facebook friends about making a positive parent connection as our children continue to mature:

Michael McMillan – Congratulations, Kevin. Our 3 have passed that milestone, too… and I have no advice 🙂

Mary Tomlinson – My favorite example is that we go from being responsible for them as parents to becoming more of an “advisor,” and being there for them when they need us and staying out of their way when they don’t need us.

Chris Taylor – From the words of Robert Munsch, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as you’re living, my baby you’ll be.”

Chris’ quote comes from the book “Love You Forever.” When Charles and Anne were little we read this wonderful book to them over and over. In fact, it still brings a tear to my eye as I reflect on those special times with them when they easily fit in a curled arm.

Is Your Work Working?

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How does one meaningfully align and engage one’s heart in his or her work?

Is work truly just a job or is it an expression of something deeper?

The On-Purpose® Principle (Pp<=>Po) is about “The purpose of the person (Pp) aligned with the purpose of the organization (Po).” Today, let’s further dissect The On-Purpose Principle up close and personal.

By the way, the Purpose of the Organization doesn’t just refer to a business. A marriage, family, hospital, agency, team, department, church, or club are just a few examples of the many organizations where this is applicable.

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So how do you make your work work?

The clean and clear articulation of your purpose is the starting point. After that, decide to infuse your purpose into your decisions and actions. Your thoughts, spiritual posture, and language will begin the shifting or (to borrow a sailing term) “coming about” to catch the full strength and flow for the design of your life.

The difference is like bumping along in your car on a washboard dirt road versus getting on the interstate. The car and driver are the same but your life is on a smooth track.

All organizational development is within The On-Purpose Principle.

If you stay on the surface of it, the simplicity of this “equation” can deceive you. Ponder it for a bit, and you’ll discover that almost all of leadership and management theory is fundamentally attempting to create high alignment and integration of the purpose of the person with the purpose of the organization.

So if you truly seek to be a leader of your life and a person others would follow, invest some time to understand The On-Purpose Principle. You can read more about it in The On-Purpose Business Person.

Bored? Is Your Life On Autopilot?

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Admit it! If you’ve fallen into a rut—a low-grade living that isn’t all that bad, but just not all that good either—you’re bored when you want to be engaged and invigorated.

Today is the perfect day to examine and explore your greater possibilities.Image of Jeep stuck in a snowbank. Text: "Stuck in a rut? Today is the perfect day to examine and explore your greater possibilities."

In this On-Purpose® Minute, awaken to the opportunities to alter the course of your life and place it on an on-purpose trajectory.

What to Do

Read or reread The On-Purpose Person. This timeless story will inspire you plus give you the process and tools you need to transform your life. Buy On-Purpose Peace and work through the process on your own, with a companion, or start a small group.

Bored? Are you wondering what to do when you’re bored?

Think about it: how many times have you pondered, “I’m bored and don’t know what to do.”

There is momentary boredom, and there is bored with life.

If you’re looking for stuff to do when you’re bored with life, look no further than your heart.

Chances are that living in your heart are dismissed dreams and desires that were dashed away for any number of wrong reasons. Reignite those. Put a simple plan in place. Have something to work toward that increases your personal growth and development as a human being, a parent, business person, whatever.

When I was in graduate business school at The Darden School, I used to go over to the grounds of the University of Virginia and sit in on lectures by Dr. Brown, a psychology professor who was known as “The Running Doctor.” He advocated physical movement as the way to get the emotional and mental state jump-started. Try it! A simple walk can do you a world of good.

Purpose = Energy

Purpose is the fuel that energizes dreams. Admittedly, it is easier to be entertained or happily distracted or drunk to the world than it is to overcome the natural forces of decline. Leading your life takes thought, effort, and commitment to do what we would prefer not to do.

The alternative to such intention is mindlessness. Here is a surefire approach to dullness of body, mind, and spirit. Refuse to settle for boredom when you can be on-purpose. Download the Discovery Guide preview and get started with leading your life today by deciding what matters most to you.

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Need some one-on-one help in the process? Consider hiring an On-Purpose® Coach or On-Purpose® Executive Coach. Learn more here.

Are You Paying Attention?

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“Pay attention!” our mothers and teachers tell us.

Have you ever wondered why we must PAY to be attentive?

My reasoning is that there’s a price to pay for being focused on something of importance. The commitment of our time, energy, effort, and resources narrows our choices and so we will miss out on something else.

My personal, family, fitness, and business schedule keep me on the go from the time my feet hit the floor when I wake up until I fall asleep. So much opportunity, so little time and help.

This means I need to pay attention with intention.

In 1992,Image of clock on wall. "Invest your time. Don't spend it. Don't kill it. Don't waste it." in The On-Purpose Person, I introduced the idea of investing one’s time versus spending it. Paying attention runs along the lines of furthering your investment of your life.

In a world that increasingly tells you “You can have it all,” I’ll be the contrarian and say, “No, you can’t have it all.” Life involves making choices. The sentiment and the reality are miles apart. The cost is distraction and even less traction in life.

Admittedly, there are exponentially more opportunities today than there were 100 years ago. Just because they are there, doesn’t mean that we need to experience them all or can.

My attention span isn’t getting shorter. The span of what captures my attention, however, is more defined and refined. I don’t have time for every trivial thing or thought that comes along. Frankly, I’m becoming less tolerant of trivial pursuits. That doesn’t mean I’m not interested, amused, or entertained by many things. I just won’t pay them as much attention.

Please consider becoming far more selective about where you invest your attention.

Being on-purpose requires us to become a more discriminating and, dare I say it, less tolerant person. It is all a sign of maturity about where we invest our lives and love.

FYI: Shady Side Academy, Fox Chapel, PA. I graduated from SSA in 1973 as the president of the last all-male graduating class. The next fall the school went coeducational. Good move! With over 40 years of coeducation, I reflected on those all males with a measure of fondness for a roommate, Dave Succop, and more close friends Ted Bream and Roy Uptegraff. We were the Morewood Crazies!

Is Your Career In The Midst of A Tough Shift™?

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Job loss, underemployment, a part-time job instead of a full-time job, less pay for less rewarding work. Or perhaps you just don’t like the job you have. You are in the midst of or contemplating a Tough Shift™.

Don’t go through it alone! And, you’re not alone.

Stock market volatility, technology changes, and the gig economy might have you considering other career options.

When the U.S. economy catches a cold, the whole world sneezes! This unfortunate effect has many people spinning and caught in a round of chaos and confusion. Couple this with technology changes and the personal fallout from job loss and underemployment—it all amounts to a serious worldwide tough shift.

Change is never easy, but change under duress is even tougher.

Fear, worry, doubt, and anxiety creep into us. This affects us at some profound subconscious level and begins to be communicated. Our nervous vibe causes others to view us as desperate and risky. This perpetuates our greatest fears from the tough shift.

Is now the time to explore starting a business?

It can be an intimidating undertaking but there are many options to explore out there. For decades I’ve worked with business start-ups to design, advise, and guide the growth and development of the business plan and leader.

Don’t go it alone.

Find a business advisor or mentor who can see clearly into your blind spots. Yes, you’ll invest a few dollars, but you’ll gain time to market and create a more profitable and better working operation. There are no short-cuts to business creation, but why add unnecessary delays and detours out of your own inexperience?

So while you’re looking for a job you can be creating one, too … for yourself. Who knows, you may never have to go to work for someone else again!

This On-Purpose Business Minute offers some simple and calming insights.

Are you ready to tackle the underlying issues, so you’re tough shift proofed?

Do You Want A Balanced Life?

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Download A Balanced Life

Do you want balance in your life?

If you said “Yes!” then chances are you’re singing what I call the “Work-Life Balance Blues,” a sad song of addictive striving but never arriving.

In a previous blog post titled Striving for Balance, I shared my thoughts about this misguided yet pervasive notion that you can obtain balance your life.

It is hogwash and the sooner you come to understand this, the sooner you’ll be able to get on with your life.

In today’s On-Purpose Minute, I share “The Balanced Life,” a poem I wrote back in 2004. My hope is you’ll begin to see the folly in living the false ideal of a balanced life. At the top of this post, there is a link to download the poem.

Now, let’s touch on the alternative approach to living your life: integrating your life.

So just how does one integrate life? Integration needs a point of integration. Here is where knowing your 2-word personal purpose statement is essential. If you don’t know who you are, then any old you can show up anytime. A great place to start learning about your 2-word purpose statement is our newly launched online tool that helps you know your purpose. Visit ONPURPOSE.me for more information.

The absence of a unifying identity leaves us at risk of dis-integrating. Very simply, your life is either integrating or disintegrating—being pulled together or torn apart.

Beginning in the 1970s, people would talk about “getting my life together.” Implied in this fragmented existence is the longing to be whole and peaceful.

Balance is a devilish “ideal.” Balance pits two opposing forces against each other to create a fragile momentary emotional truce. Balance is marketed as being so sane and wholesome. Yet it is insanity and destructive.

Seeking balance avoids the deeper questions of life and leaves us thirsting to do more, earn more, and to “have it all.” Sadly, the risks of obtaining balance in one’s life produce just the opposite effect of the desired outcome. Instead, we’re running hard and fast, busy, burdened, always feeling behind, incomplete, and ragged mentally and physically. Unquenched, we press onward in a lost war of static attrition until finally we crash and burn out on the sidelines of life.

Integration is a divine gift, a workable progression rather than an unstable state of frenzied efforts. When you are approaching oneness of body, mind, and spirit, you’re moving toward a more productive and positive state of practical living. Your focus shifts from a fragile existence built on sandy soil to the solid bedrock of your inherent essence.

Integration demands a unifying core — a point that forms, informs, and transforms the realities of the world. This window on the world helps us to make sense of the senselessness and to find meaning in the otherwise absurd.

Purpose is your dynamic point of integration.

Integrate your life around your purpose so you can be on-purpose.

Cut yourself free from the balanced life mantra that kills your energy and spirit with a distracting illusion. You don’t want a balanced life because it can’t be had. Live your life integrated around your purpose, and you’ll inevitably be an on-purpose person in creation.

Are You Full of “Should”?

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Stop “shoulding” on yourself and others.

Should is a powerfully debilitating word. It combines the spirit of good intention with a built-in disclaimer of failure. It is more potent than wishful thinking but far less honest. At least when we wish, we don’t really have the expectation of it coming true. Should—however directive and well intended—is deceptive and shame inducing.Should

Shoulds can be self-proclaimed.

Here are examples of typical shoulds:

  • “I should lose 20 pounds.”
  • “I should exercise more.”
  • “I should call my mother.”
  • “I should make that sales call.”
  • “I should save more money.”
  • “I should speak up for myself.”

These decrees of self-deception are mere words tossed off our tongues so we sound like we’re on top of a matter and knowledgeable … when, truthfully, we are not committed. Words without action amount to just a pile of sh… shoulds.

These “I should … ” statements are weasel words that neither inspire nor encourage.

Instead, we exile ourselves to be mired in mediocrity.

In the pairings below, which statement do you find more believable?

  • “I should lose 20 pounds.” Or “I will lose 20 pounds.”
  • “I should call my mother.” Or “I will call my mother.”
  • “I should get a better job.” Or “I am working to find a better job.”

The bottom line: Strike should from your vocabulary whether talking to yourself or someone else. People of strength don’t mince their words by shoulding on themselves or others.Detail_discoveryfree

P.S. As promised, here is the link to the free Discovery Guide preview. Use this preview version to gain clarity and direction for your life so you can say “yes” to what’s important to your life, career, and work.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

Will You Have A Happy, Healthy, & Prosperous New Year?

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(This video was originally recorded in 2011. While the year mentioned is not current, the message shared is timeless.)

To kick off the New Year, I’ve gathered a handful of On-Purpose Minutes and Business Minutes relevant to the popular New Year’s toast for a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year. Rather than it being a mere sentiment, why not make it a reality or at least invest your self in making your good life even better?

Put your good intentions into action!

For each aspect of this New Year gesture, dig deeper by clicking on the provided links to relevant Minutes.

Happy On-Purpose New Year!
Kevin

A Happy New Year

Happy is rightfully a great word to be associated with New Year’s Day. Much like time itself, happiness is fleeting, yet so desired. Who doesn’t want to be happy? The term “Happy New Year” embraces the chronological odometer as it turns and makes a fresh start for 2018. Relish the reminder.

Comparing Christmas Day to New Year’s Day reveals an interesting shift of words and implications. We will say Merry Christmas, but the word most reverently associated with this Christian holy day is joy, as in the song, Joy to the World.

Joy can be one’s reality regardless of whether circumstances are happy or unhappy. Trading in happiness is a far less stable currency of emotion. Joy is the gold standard.

Are You Happily Distracted?

How Do You Get The Job Of Your Life?

How Do I Find Peace In My Life?

A Healthy New Year

Several years ago, this over-50 former athlete turned business advisor, author, and speaker was resigned to wearing “my fat suit.” This is going to sound awful, but I was so accepting of my extra pounds that I used to say, “Unless I have a cancer, I probably won’t lose this weight.” Ugh!

Fortunately, that changed in March 2008, when I was booked by Dr. Wayne Andersen (sight unseen) to be the keynote speaker at the Take Shape For Life National Convention. I did the program, lost the weight, and haven’t really looked back at my old weight since. Admittedly, the holidays are the hardest part for me because I get so out of my normal routine; it is a festive time, and I’m addicted to sweets.

Are You Starting A Diet Monday?

Do You Want To Grow Into Maturity?

A Prosperous New Year

Prosperity is so overused, abused, and misunderstood. Let’s set the record straight.

Are You Prepared to Prosper?

Blessed Are The Profitmakers For They Shall Enrich The Earth