Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Life's Great Questions

The Christmas Prayer

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Here’s the transcript of The Christmas Prayer:

Merry Christmas.

Christmas stands more profoundly relevant and uniting as ever.

Allow me to share a personal life-transforming Christmas story from some twenty or so years ago.

Our then young family was celebrating a holiday at the home of our friends Jen and John. In fact, there were several families, probably 30 people gathered indoors and scattered outdoors.

Various cooks were in the kitchen each prepping their contribution to the potluck feast. Used dishes, utensils, and pots and pans accumulated in the kitchen sink so I stationed myself there to scrub, clean, and rinse. Working with me was Jen, our host. With each newly cleaned item, I handed it to her to dry to be put back in use or put away. We were the Clean Team.

Jen and I often had deep conversations about faith, the meaning of life, the power of prayer, and so forth. While our hands were busy, our mouths were free to talk, and so we did. Our conversation centered around our lives before and after Christ — a Christmas Story of sorts.

Checking her watch, Jen said, “I’ve got a pet-sitting job to do. Come with me. The sink will be fine without us for 30 minutes. We HAVE TO KEEP this conversation going.”

Jumping into Jen’s black Suburban, we talked. Arriving at the welcoming pet’s house, Jen got the dog out and on a leash. Such a small pooch allowed for a leisurely walk and talk.

As we’re ambling along a concrete sidewalk, I came clean: “Jen, before I really knew who Jesus was, I was ‘a good guy.’ I never smoked, drank, or took any illegal drugs. I was never arrested. I treated people and animals with kindness. I was honest, hardworking, and educated. And I was generally happy.

“Let’s say I was 60% good guy and 40% bad guy. But, in that 40%, I could cuss up a storm. Things easily upset me, and I could get combative. I was impatient with slow drivers and always competing to win and ticked when I lost. I took things personally. And, frankly, I felt inadequate, fearful, and anxious.”

I continued sharing with Jen, “On February 14, 1986, Jesus dramatically went from my head to my heart and forever changed my life for the better. Far less cussing and far more patience. Now, let’s say I’m 90% good guy and 10% bad guy.

“But what I really did was take the 40% bad guy and condense it into the 10% of the space. I worked to edge out the bad. Instead, my frustrations, anger, and disappointment just got super concentrated and more explosive than ever.”

Jen listened and nodded for me to go on, “I gave that 10% of me a name: Evil Little Kevin.

“I’m good at concealing him, but he’s always there within me. And, when Evil Little Kevin comes out, he gets REAL ugly, REAL fast! I don’t like me when it happens. It’s exhausting holding him back.”

Jen’s eyes grew large at the thought. She then asked me a short question that forever changed my life. Who knows? Perhaps it will do the same for you.

She asked, “Kevin, have you ever thought of introducing Evil Little Kevin to Jesus?”

I stopped mid–dog walk, “No. It never dawned on me to do that.”

Jen’s next question dug even deeper into my spirit: “Is Evil Little Kevin the part of you which you keep from God?”

I stammered, “Yes.”

“Yes, it is!”

With a little dog scampering about our feet, Jen and I stood right there on that public sidewalk, joined hands, and prayed as I introduced Evil Little Kevin to Jesus.

As my carried and concealed darkness was cast out by the Light of the World, I immediately felt my spirit brighten. The Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords was on the case, which meant I could let Evil Little Kevin go. Jesus entered that part of my world.

What about you? I haven’t a clue what your “Evil Little Kevin” is up to in your life. But you do.

There isn’t a greater gift you can give yourself this Christmas than to introduce that withheld part of your life to Jesus. Join me by saying a simple prayer and insert your name instead of mine in Evil Little Kevin.

Let’s go!

“Jesus, meet Evil Little {Your Name} who needs to know you. Forgive me for not introducing you two sooner for I didn’t know it was possible. I cut myself free from Evil Little {Your Name}. To fill this void, I invite your joy to take its rightful place. By your sacrifice on the cross, please forever seal this Joy into my life. Amen!”

Evil Little Kevin isn’t a part of me anymore. However, he lurks nearby probing and prodding to regain standing in my life. When Evil Little Kevin worms his way back into my being, my responsibility is to reintroduce Evil Little Kevin to Jesus. It’s that basic.

On Christmas Day, we remember Jesus entering the world. Allow Him to enter into your life, for the first time or for the 489th time. Regardless, may you, too, experience the Peace and Joy of Christmas. In any season, that’s good news!

Merry Christmas!

Confused About Finding Your Life Purpose?

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Knowing one’s purpose in life seems like it should be a relatively easy endeavor.

Yet for far too many of us the search for meaning continues to elude our best intentions and pursuit. Having been at this work of helping individuals and organizations define purpose since the 1980s, there are common statements I hear. These misstatements create misdirection. They tend to cause repeating and nonresolving patterns that kill time but don’t give a deep sense of satisfaction.

1. “I don’t know what to do with my life.” This statement is a clear indication to me that this person isn’t looking for purpose. They’re looking for “what to do” not “who to be.” Mission is being thought about, not purpose, per se. Knowing one’s purpose would be informative and helpful to answer the question. In short, if you’re looking for the wrong thing then it is unlikely you’ll find what you need even if you actually find it. You won’t be able to recognize it.

The greatest offender of this is the book The Purpose Driven Life by Pastor Rick Warren. The book is a great devotional, but it is really more a message of missions. The more accurate name for the book would have been The Mission Driven Life because the book is helping people figure out what to do with their lives much more than it is helping people knowing why they exist.

2. “I don’t know where to start.” The absence of a process or method is very typical of purpose seekers. They’re susceptible to anything or anyone who uses the word purpose because they have no basis for understanding it.

3. “I feel like there is a calling upon my life, but I can’t put my finger on my purpose.” Purpose and calling are often confused. Calling is a high and noble expression of purpose. Purpose is deeper and actually apart from or exclusive from calling. Purpose stands on its own, whereas calling needs purpose to give it “spiritual juice.”

4. “I feel like I’ve missed my chance at my purpose.” Wrong! Purpose doesn’t pass us by like a bus. We are our purpose. It is always with us. We were born with it, we live with it, we die with it, and we take it into eternity with us. Purpose is our spirit so we can’t separate ourselves from it, but we can ignore or deny it.

The On-Purpose Approach found in The On-Purpose Person provides both the methods and standards for discerning and defining your purpose, vision(s), mission(s), and values. We offer one-on-one personal purpose coaching as well.

You don’t need to reinvent the wheel about life purpose.

For over 20 years we’ve helped thousands of people write their 2-word purpose statement and develop the life and career plans they need to excel. As I reference in the video, we just need you to be the “you” who you were designed to be and become. We’ll help you.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

P.S. A big thank you to Justin Ramb, CEO/Chief Creative Officer of BIG EYE Agency. He invited me to participate in their BIG Thinkers series and produced this video. They did wonderful work. Thank you!

Psst! Here’s a tip. Check out www.onpurpose.me to discover how you can know your purpose.

Are You Still Living in Trial and Error Mode?

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This On-Purpose® Minute may rattle your cage a bit as I challenge what might be a hidden and unproductive point of view coloring your daily experience. More importantly, it may be setting the trajectory of your life far lower than it was designed to be.

Trials and errors in life are inevitable, but “trial and error” does not need to define our approach to life.

As clarity around who you are comes to light, you’ll discover a greater sense of peace despite the circumstances. Yes, the trials and errors will still come, but they won’t toss you about as they have in the past. Be clear about who you are and whose you are.

On-Purpose Peace FE cove
On-Purpose Peace is a personal or small group guidebook designed to help you be on-purpose as an explorer of your identity in the person of Jesus.

How does “Trial & Error Living” affect us?

Here’s a true account of a small business advisory client from years ago. My client came to me down and discouraged because his business was losing money and he wanted to sell it soon before the bottom fell out.

In reviewing the business, I realized that if he were to sell it there were a few things he could do to “window dress” or clean it up for sale that would make it far more appealing to a buyer. In anticipation of the sale, we began to make some of these small changes and tweaks to his systems.

Two months later, my client called to say he no longer wanted to sell the business because it was making money again; he was thrilled and wanted to keep it. Oddly enough, about a year later, he called me wanting to sell the business again because it was losing money again, albeit after a substantial growth in sales.

We went through the same cycle—cleaning up a few things for the sale and the revenues turning around. It happened yet a third time in 18 months. The third time, however, the pattern of his emotional swings rather than the business matters caught my attention.

His business was basically sound, but there was something “wrong” with the business owner.

Why was he on such an emotional roller coaster? The pattern was apparent—when the business showed bottom-line profits, he was happy. When the business showed bottom-line losses, he was sad.

It struck me that his emotional well-being was tied to a monthly financial statement. The P&L report literally colored his world in 30-day increments.

Good news—good life.
Bad news—bad life.

That’s interesting, but here’s where it got fascinating. I asked him if he knew how to read a financial statement. Of course not. He knew sales was the top number and profit and loss was the bottom number but everything in between was meaningless to him.

In effect, his emotional stability was tied to what was seemingly a random event—profit or loss.

He was a hard worker, but some months he made money and other months he lost money—it all appeared to be random to him.

He was living in trial and error mode.

I gave him a basic primer on financial statements and had him enroll at the local community college in a course called “Finance for Non-Financial People.” Once he understood his financial statements, he gained control of his business and, frankly, his emotions were not subject to the seeming randomness of the financial well-being of his business.

  • Within two years he had doubled his business.
  • He doubled it again by buying out his closest competitor.
  • He ran his business for another 10 years and eventually sold it for a handsome sum and is still living a good life off the profits he made.

He moved from trial and error to being proactive. Instead of running from his problems and ignorance, he ran into them and became educated.

Here’s the point: trial and error mode isn’t necessarily random.

Once we realize our contribution to the “randomness,” we can actually take action to make our lives much more predictable and emotionally stable and calm. Look around to see if the “randomness” is affecting other people or if they seem to be on top of it. If others have it mastered then that’s a clue to you that you’re self-selecting trial and error over leadership and learning.

  • Improve your odds of success by looking for ways to reduce your variables.
  • Be strategic instead of stuck in trial and error mode.
  • Certainty isn’t possible, but do your share to improve your chances and you’ll grow as a person and find life isn’t so crazy after all.

Sometimes the greatest benefit of a business advisor like me or a life coach isn’t what we know technically. Rather it is our outside perspective to look into your life and simply ask, “Why are you doing it that way?”

So, why are you living in trial and error mode when you could be on-purpose?

Don’t go into a new year in trial and error mode. On-Purpose Peace can guide you toward your best year ever.

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What Is the Meaning of Life?

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Did you make the choice today that your life is going to be meaningful? If so, please tell me about it in the comments area below. What do you anticipate the implications of your decision will be over the rest of your life?

 

“What is the meaning of life?”

Now there’s a tiny topic hardly worth pondering! The graphic and T-shirt design below by artist Aled Lewis (used with his permission)29_the_meaning_of_life_big may provide as good a sense of “clarity” on the topic as one can find.

Kidding aside, the value of asking, “What is the meaning of life?” may be less in the answer to one of life’s big questions, but more in the very act of the inquiry.

Asking this question is a positive sign that changes in life, ideally growth and maturity, are budding.

There’s an awareness that can lead to a new life with the potential to lead to a life of purpose and meaning. Engagement in a greater reality has begun.

Change is a part of life, but a change for life needs to be self-initiated—owned if you will. Those around may demand or encourage us by saying “Change your life,” but at the end of the day, it is our responsibility and challenge.

How you go about embracing growth is up to you.

For me, my big shift change happened when I attended a Bible study of the book of Romans back in the spring of 1985. Like many, I had been searching for meaning in life. As a true student of self-help literature, I was well read in the classic and contemporary self-help writers. At some point, however, it all started to sound like the same stuff simply rehashed from a different point of view.

I was not a Christian, but I was curious and willing to give that “old and irrelevant book” and the institution of the Church a chance. The Bible, I discovered, had a ring of authenticity about it that none of my self-help books had. There were no lightning strikes or trumpets sounding.

It was mostly an intellectual pursuit to better understand

  • Who am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • What should I do with my life?
  • Is life meaningful?

The Bible was different because here was core wisdom instead of just knowledge.

What is the meaning of life?

It doesn’t matter what I say. You have to find your answer for yourself. What I will tell you, however, is this: life is meaningful!

Start with this basic assumption and go forward.

What Is It About This Milestone?

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(This video was recorded a few years ago, on the event of our daughter, Anne, turning 18.)

It is graduation season. Many young people—and their parents—are facing transition.

It is a milestone for young people in terms of coming to legal age. While parental responsibilities for education aren’t going away anytime soon, it does represent a passage of sorts for all of us. It also presents parents with new options as we begin living more as empty nesters.

What’s your advice to parents about redefining how to best create amazing adult children relationships?

Please share your thoughts by using the comment section below (not email) to help us have a parents’ guide to this new beginning. You’ll help a number of parents facing the same transition.

  • Are your children all adults? Having crossed this threshold, what advice do you have to offer?
  • Have you recently crossed the threshold into adulthood or do you have a memory of your 18th birthday that brings a bit of wisdom or even levity to the matter? Please share it below.

I posted this question on my Facebook page on my daughter’s birthday a few years ago. Here’s some of the advice from my Facebook friends about making a positive parent connection as our children continue to mature:

Michael McMillan – Congratulations, Kevin. Our 3 have passed that milestone, too… and I have no advice 🙂

Mary Tomlinson – My favorite example is that we go from being responsible for them as parents to becoming more of an “advisor,” and being there for them when they need us and staying out of their way when they don’t need us.

Chris Taylor – From the words of Robert Munsch, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as you’re living, my baby you’ll be.”

Chris’ quote comes from the book “Love You Forever.” When Charles and Anne were little we read this wonderful book to them over and over. In fact, it still brings a tear to my eye as I reflect on those special times with them when they easily fit in a curled arm.

How Do You Manage Disappointment?

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Disappointment is inevitable but it need not be debilitating.

How you manage it, however, is a choice with profound implications to your well-being, relationships, and opportunities. The easy route is to react negatively and stay there, but what good is that? You have a better choice.

I got to thinking about the word: disappointment.

It led me to this chain of words: disappointment > disappoint > point > appoint > appointment. The common word is “point” as in a mark or dot or direction. When we’re disappointed, the mark has been missed. It does, however, provide an opportunity for redirection.

What if disappointment is really intended to direct us to a greater appointment?

So when we stay in a negative place, aren’t we the ones who increase the price of the initial disappointment and risk missing where we’ve been appointed to shine?

(To see another use of “the point” you can watch this 9-minute video about the punctuation of your life. Is your life a question mark, period, or exclamation point? It is an excerpt from a keynote speaking engagement I did a few years ago.)

The holiday season sets high expectations, which can lead to great disappointment.

How do you turn that around?

As one year rolls into the next, take some time to refocus on-purpose.

I would love to hear your words of advice for getting unstuck when you find yourself disappointed with something important.

What works for you in managing disappointment? Share your thoughts in the comment box below. What you have to say may be the very words that help transform another person’s perspective. Now don’t disappoint me!  : )

Will My Life Make A Difference?

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One of Life’s Great Questions is “Will My Life Make A Difference?”

It is an important question because it generally reflects an early mile-marker on the road toward a life of meaning, significance, and purpose. Realistically, it is a road filled with character-building potholes and detours for all but the fortunate.

Asking the question is an indicator of getting beyond oneself and thinking about the well-being of others. Here’s the beginning of maturity.

Age is irrelevant because the desire to make a difference is an attitude of the heart.

The decision to make a difference with one’s life is a choice toward becoming a leader.

While a heroic act may have a defining element of difference-making and reveal strength of character in a moment, true difference-making is a way of life being lived in service.

2-Word Purpose Statements begin with a generic set-up of “I exist to serve by …” in order to help us realize that the flow and development of our “difference-making” capability and delivery matters as much over time as it does in a single act.

In fact, failing to act or to be the hero can be devastating to our psyche. Playing games of “what if” and “if only I had” are inevitable but ultimately counterproductive. Instead of being riddled with guilt or despair, prepare for the next moment, the next and the next to be difference-making in the best sense of the concept.

Over the years, many a person has told me, “At some point in my life, I figured I needed to make a change in my life. I’ve discovered that my purpose is to make a difference.” And they’re incompletely right.

While celebrating this important statement, I’ll ever so gently press and ask, “Have you considered how you are uniquely called to be a difference maker?” My hope is to move them toward a more specific understanding and depth of seeing their greater contribution in more precise terms.

Of course, the next logical question is, “How will I make a difference?”

When it comes to answering the question, here are three morsels of advice:

1. “Don’t should on yourself!”

2. Visit ONPURPOSE.me. Thanks to ONPURPOSE.me, within minutes of starting you can discover your purpose in just 2 words. Knowing your purpose is life changing!

3. Your 2-word purpose provides the specifics to and uniqueness of your difference-making endeavor. Without it, you’re at a strategic and practical disadvantage.

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Bonus Resource: Here’s an added resource to today’s topic. This is written by my friend and colleague, Tana Greene, CEO–CLO of Blue Bloodhound. Read her remarkable story in Inc. Magazine. Click the cover to purchase the book.Tana Greene Creating a World of Difference book image

What Are Your Answers To Life’s Great Questions?

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Dare You Risk Leading Your Life Better?

Here they are: The 7 Great Questions about life that haunt us until we answer them, deny them, or simply overwhelm them in a soulless chase for gain and/or pleasure. 

  1. Who am I?
  2. Why am I here?
  3. Where am I going?
  4. How will I get there?
  5. What is important?
  6. Is life meaningful?
  7. Does God exist?

You may think, With all I have to get done, I realistically don’t have time to mess with these questions. Here’s a tip for life: until you begin answering these questions, they will mess with your life. The sooner you start, the better off you’ll be.

Don’t put your life on hold until you have definitive answers. Simply explore your possibilities. Make it a joyous adventure of daily discovery as the layers of your life unfold before you with a sense of wonder and excitement.

Think it’s impractical with all you’ve got going on? Hardly! Stop wasting your life in trivial pursuits.

Answers to these questions fill in the soul gaps—those places within us that we know are there, but aren’t quite sure we want to or know how to get there. It can be a scary place to visit, like a closet of dashed hopes, painful memories, unrealized dreams, disappointments, and pain. On the other hand, it is also a journey of hope and healing to the heart of who you authentically are. Here’s the only place on the planet where you can discover your true identity and begin the process of reorienting your life on the strength, function, and contribution you have to give. Transformation begins in the spirit. Knowing and bringing expression to your purpose will raise the spiritual and practical trajectory of your life forever.

On-Purpose Leadership Experiences: Helping you process your answers to Life’s Great Questions

One-on-One Coaching with The On-Purpose Person and either My On-Purpose Folder or On-Purpose Peace as the coaching agenda. This is typically 8 coaching sessions in 8 weeks with a trained coach. Your investment is $1,500 to $5,000 depending upon your coach, circumstances, and needs.

Do-It-Yourself. Buy The On-Purpose Person and On-Purpose Peace. Work through the content on your own or with a small group. Your investment is $35 per person.