Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Blog

Why Is Life So Hard?

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In this On-Purpose Minute we’re exploring one of the greatest hidden impediments to living a better life: confused language, in general, and—specifically—the words of strategy and planning. Purpose, vision, and mission are used synonymously though they are not the same. Each has a unique quality, capacity, and meaning.

Each strategic term of Purpose, Vision, Mission, and Values answers a TOP Pal 2014 w copyrightspecific question and speaks to a distinct aspect of personal and organizational strategy.

Purpose: Why do I exist? (Being: Identity and worth)

Vision: Where am I going? (Seeing: Direction and dreams)

Mission: What do I do? (Doing: Planning and action)

Values: What is important? (Choosing: Decisions and importance)

On-Purpose, therefore, is when your heart, head, and hands are aligned and integrated with the highest values.

On-Purpose® is both a process and state of being strategically integrated while giving practical expression to who you truly are. You prosper others and yourself—it’s a win–win. As a result, you can’t help but make a difference.

Too many of us live our lives desperately seeking “to make a difference.” It is a noble aspiration, but a misguided approach. When the focus is the result and not the cause, then we’re almost sure to get distracted and detoured.

Instead, focus on becoming the personal leader of your life.

Know who you are—really.

  • Write your 2-word purpose statement.
  • Invest the time to clarify your vision and missions.
  • Specify your values—the boundaries and guidelines of your life that matter most to your overall health and well-being.

Need help? Explore The On-Purpose Shop for books, tools, coaching, and more.

Decay and destruction are easier than growth and construction. Being on-purpose is work … but consider the alternative. And that, dear reader, is why life is so hard.

Rock-paper-scissors chartRock–paper–scissors chart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When there isn’t agreement on the definitions of Purpose, Vision, Missions, and Values—but plans are made with them—then those plans are confused. Confused plans result in under-performance. Under-performance calls for a review and update of the plans. Rock–Paper–Scissors!

Can a good old game of Rock–Paper–Scissors help you to unlock the difficulties of your life?

Yes!

  • Rock breaks scissors.
  • Scissors cut paper.
  • Paper covers rock.

We know the rules and the game.

The problem isn’t the process, tools, or sincerity of the people. The problem is outside of the system. The terms of leadership and strategy are confused so the entire “game” is rigged against you to almost always fall short.

Have you ever asked yourself, Why am I so frustrated and overwhelmed? Do you think you’re crazy or something is wrong with you?

If you’re crazy, then you don’t know you’re crazy. If you think you’re crazy, then you’re sane enough to know you’re not going mad. All this, therefore, means you aren’t crazy—just stressed, worn, and detoured from the life of your dreams but not the life of your reality.

When the world within us is confused, directionless, and searching, to assume the world outside of us is going to magically provide what we’re looking for is stepping on the unhealthy path of voluntary victimhood.

To make sense of the world about you, make sense of your life.

Start with consistent definitions of purpose, vision, missions, and values. Then, answer the questions above. The On-Purpose Person provides the method and steps to lead your life on-purpose.

Life After Business Interview

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Listen to Kevin W. McCarthy’s interview about Finding Your Purpose in Business and Life.

Join Kevin as he is interviewed by Ryan Tansom of Life After Business.

Learn what it means to build a company of leaders. Discover where entrepreneurs go off course when it comes to identifying and sticking to their purpose.

The interview is approximately 60 minutes.

Why Am I Fearful?

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Does fear interfere with your life, business, or career?

What’s your fear? What are you fearful of? Where in your life do you say, “I am afraid of … ,” yet you know it is a hang-up—not a danger to your life or limb?

Would you like to be at a place where you can say, “I am not afraid” … and mean it? Read on!

Fear, like pain, is partially designed to be our friend, not our foe.

  • Fear keeps us from being in harm’s way.
  • Fear protects us from injury, peril, and even death.
  • Fear provides for self-preservation.

This is our good or helpful fear.

Bad or harmful fear debilitates our inherent motivation and destroys our confidence. The ripple effects beyond oneself can damage relationships, opportunities, jobs, finances, and more.

  • Fear can be an occupying foe taking up unjust strongholds in our spirit, mind, and body.
  • Fear can lead to anxiety that spawns a panic attack that triggers the fight or flight reaction.

This fear is unhealthy in every aspect.

Fear is not to be necessarily avoided; it is, however, to be understood.

Fear is a God-given guidepost to growth and healing. Facing fear, however, is not a solitary endeavor. Be wise and seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist skilled in working you through your fear in a progressive manner.

Why bother?

If you’re locked in unhealthy fears, your aspirations and dreams are muted.

When fear prevails it is hard to be on-purpose.

How’s Your Self Talk?

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Have you ever tried to break a habit?

At best, it is an awkward experience because we take ourselves off of “autopilot” and go into a “manual” mode. Things we didn’t think about … now we do. And when it comes to breaking bad habits, the bad habit can preoccupy our thinking. As a result of this heightened tension, our discomfort is more apparent to us.

Athletes learn to expect that performance may get worse before it gets better when they’re creating a new habit. Progress, not perfection, is the healthy standard of measure. Staying optimistic can be difficult in the midst of change. Remaining positive, however, is a matter of choice. Decide to stay upbeat and you will! You’ll also benefit by focusing on learning instead of “loss.”

Try the AAA Method: AAA = Awareness + Alternatives + Act on it!

Awareness, developing alternatives, and acting upon your better/best intentions (AAA) is preventive medicine for the sanity of the soul.

Habits are defined as acquired behaviors.

The implication here is that if we acquire new habits, then we can also dispose of and replace bad ones. Now there’s hope!

It’s easy to imagine our life with the benefits of our new habits. Here are some examples:

  • Smoking cessation brings savings of money; no smoky smelling breath, clothes, car, and home; and better health.
  • Getting to a healthier weight resolves or mitigates a host of weight-related conditions and diseases, such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Joints and backs with less weight are happier and less creaky.
  • Centering prayer, meditation, or deep breathing can reduce stress and free the mind to think more clearly.
  • Tracking your spending helps you plug wasteful expenditures and impulsive buys. You can increase your savings.

Envisioning new life is easy. Making it happen is not so easy!

The underlying premise is that we’re capable of far more than we understand or we will push ourselves. That’s why so many people turn to coaches to assist them for accountability as well as training.

Your self talk matters.

If you identify yourself with words like failure, slob, worthless, insignificant, wasteful or stupid, then you’re pronouncing lies into your present and carrying them into your future. To what benefit is this? Now that you’re Aware—Stop!

Come up with a list of Alternatives for your identity: successful, neat, worthy, significant, thrifty, and smart.

Now Act on them. If you don’t act on them then they’ll never develop and be fully assimilated in your life. This is the essence of personal leadership—the ability to turn it around by yourself or by having the humility to get the help you need.

Purpose and Passion

Personal motivation—a compelling reason, a why, a purpose—combined with a willingness to pay the price—passion—defines the outcome. That said, extraordinary moments of truth emerge in the midst of the ordinary that test our purpose against our progress. Positive thoughts may get us started but will they sustain us? We choose!

No matter the outcome, you’re learning about you!

Knowledge is powerful when put to good use, such as your self talk. So even if you don’t accomplish what you set out to do, you’re learning something new about yourself. Use your Awareness to develop an Alternative strategy that you Act upon (The AAA Method).

Moments of truth appear in our self talk: good and bad. Let’s not go down the self-deceptive path of mindless affirmations, positive talk, or positive mental attitude. Be real with yourself.

Get to the guts of the matter, the real inner conversation. The ones haunted by doubt, fear, anger, discouragement, disappointment, and hopelessness. Be equipped to choose to win. This is why I encourage you to put the AAA Method to work when your self talk becomes self-defeating.

It is like there’s a debate team living inside you. Who will win?

How’s your self talk coming along? Use the AAA Method to intervene on behalf of your new, better habit. You’ll be on-purpose and better for it.

Are Your Excuses Getting Old?

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Listen to what you say about yourself!

Stop using your age, for example, as an excuse that prevents you from becoming and doing what is on-purpose or what is most important in your life. Age is a fact. It comes with certain physical realities—even some limitations—but why give it greater permission than it deserves to control the well-being of your life?

You get to choose your attitude about age.

BABY BOOMER & GEN X ALERT: Do not read unless you are prepared to face reality.

MILLENNIALS: Scroll down

Judith, my wife, and I offer health coaching services that help clients create a healthier, on-purpose lifestyle. Being overweight contributes to many diseases and conditions such as type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Too many of our pre-clients subscribe to the “getting old” excuse to “rationalize” unhealthy choices versus accepting responsibility and actually doing something about it.

We can’t turn back the hands of time, but we don’t need to speed up the biological clock either.

The onset of aging is inevitable, even desirable considering the alternative. Edward Bulwer-Lytton‘s quotation about aging captures the essence of the choices about growing older: “It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.”

Are You Maturing or Just Getting Old? is the title of a prior On-Purpose Minute. In it, viewers were confronted with a choice to mature or simply grow old. In a slightly different twist, I pose the question again: Are you resigned to your condition or will you accept responsibility?

Frankly, your “old age” excuses are getting old.

Avoid letting the measure of life be your years on the planet. It matters not whether we’re talking your health, career, attitude, finances, or whatever. You are in greater control than your age is. Don’t let hardening of your attitude be your downfall when you can harken new possibilities into being. Embrace the changing dynamics and adventures that come with time. Rather than running from them, run to them.

When chronology defines you, then the impersonal march of time becomes your master. Instead, reject the “I’m getting old” excuse and toss out the devil of your premature personal demise on his big fat red tail.

Stop willingly accepting age as an excuse for infirmities of many makings. It is one thing to age gracefully, quite another to employ it as a rationale for self-inflicted infirmities of the mind, body, and spirit. Age is a measure of a life in years, not a life sentence.

Let’s Retire Retirement

The age of retirement, even the concept of “the age of retirement,” is an artificial construct by the government or a company. Admittedly, for many it is a very important finish line in a long and productive career. And that’s all it is!

  • How might your thinking be different if the age of retirement were 80 years old instead of 65?
  • What if you had to be 70+ instead of 50+ to get an AARP or AMAC card?
  • Would you take better care of yourself?
  • Would you dream different dreams?
  • Would you invest your time differently?

Did you know that the two highest risks of mortality are birth and retirement? So, you got past the first one. Now what’s your thinking about the second highest risk factor? After traditional retirement there begins an 18-month time frame of high mortality for workers. There’s a profound link between health and the loss of feeling needed or useful.

What benefits are there to succumb to these artificial ages and deadlines?

You—the independent thinker and aspiring leader—have you bought into the cultural norm and fallen prey to the group think?

Resist the lies surrounding the age of retirement as being life-defining and health-declining. Yes, circumstances and conditions change, but your spirit and purpose are forever.

Millennial Alert, Too!

Age is not just an excuse of the senior citizens; it influences youth as well.

Excuses such as “I’m too young for anyone to take me seriously,” or “Hey, you’re only young once, so I might as well get drunk tonight,” are self-deceiving ploys often unwittingly designed to put off the inevitable maturation process of becoming a man or woman of fine character.

The “age of the heart” is timeless.

Baby boomer, Millennial, or Gen X: Choose to carry a youthful spirit, attitude, perspective, and activity in your heart regardless of the condition of your physical shell. Choose to mature into wisdom, leadership, grace, empathy, service, compassion, and well-being. That choice comes at any age. We’re blessed with the Great Generation because those who remain generally personify positive and productive choice. Think that’s a clue?

Purpose is a matter of the heart.

Explore your heart’s condition and you’ll more likely embrace the depth of your being and discover just how miraculously and wonderfully made you are and can be. You’ll also live a longer, healthier, and more meaningful life. There’s a reason why I autograph my books with “Be On-Purpose!” I want to remind you to be who you truly are and the best version of you possible.

Give yourself the gift of a joyful life by rejecting your old excuses and choose to be on-purpose.

Update: This On-Purpose Minute originally aired in March of 2011.

At that time I did start working out with Anne on the stadium steps at our local high school and got back into great shape. The point is that while age and aging is a reality—if we’re using age as an excuse—we must stop and take a hard look whether we’re painting with too broad of a brush. Stop using age, any age, as an excuse and be real about what’s really going on.

Update 2: Anne was home recently and invited me to go run the stadium steps. Game on! It had been some time, but I did 2 sets of stadium steps, felt my leg burns, and discovered what I already knew: I still have it … but not nearly as much of it! : ) I need to get back in better shape.

What Is In Your September Plan?

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(This video mentions the year 2010. No matter the year, having a September plan is good for your business.)

Summer is almost over.

Many of us are just returning from vacation and others are just getting ready to close out the summer by heading on vacation. We’re executing on our family and personal plans put in place some months ago. Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together?

Northern hemisphere is highlighted in yellow a...Image via Wikipedia

September in the Northern Hemisphere provides a restart of sorts.

It isn’t like New Year’s Day, but in a sense it can function much like it because it gives us the opportunity to finish the year strong. September is a time to reboot the business.

From now until New Year’s Eve is a great stretch to really make strides in your career or business.

But you need a plan. So let’s talk about a September Plan.

With just a couple of weeks left in August, let’s get our heads ahead of the game and start making plans today for September through the remainder of the year.

  • What do you want to accomplish?
  • Who do you need to see?
  • What decision do you need to make?

Plan now and you’ll hit September in full stride and have the momentum to carry you through the fall and into the first days of winter.

What Is Your Cost of Poor Direction and Communication?

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At a client management roundtable I facilitated, the participants emphasized the lack of direction and communication. Their sentiments were echoed and validated by an employee survey. When asked to perform a financial assessment on the cost of poor communication and direction, within two minutes these leaders had calculated over $12 million in costs or 25% of the company’s gross revenues.

Is this high cost an exaggeration? Not at all. Their experience is typical.

Through the years I’ve invited clients to assess the cost of being off-purpose. Consistently, it is a breathtaking percentage of revenues. Here’s why: every line item on the financial statements is affected. The effect, however, is mostly indirect so the true cost is out of sight on the typical performance metrics.

Broadly insufficient direction and communication reflect on the top leaders. Experience tells me it isn’t that the top leaders won’t direct or communicate, it is that they don’t know what to communicate.

Direction and communication are deep strategic matters residing in the office of the CEO and C-suite.

Purpose, vision, missions, and values form the basis of core strategy that informs the business plan. Generalities instead of strategic clarity muddy direction and communication. When the leadership and management team are fuzzy, then the supervisory and frontline people are left guessing what to do.

Interestingly, those who “guess” better than most, get promoted. They imagine being in management will give them the opportunity to manage better than they were managed. In fact, they soon discover they’re just closer to the source of the problem and are even more exposed to the risks of managing through the mud. This can lead to a feeling of being squeezed between upper management and frontline workers.

On one hand, one wants to be loyal to their employer; yet, on the other hand, it is really hard to defend dumb policies and procedures with no basis of strategy or logic. In top management’s defense (to some degree), it is a fine line to walk between leading and managing versus dictating and micromanaging.

If you are the CEO, figure out your strategy and direction and commit yourself and your team to being true to it. Sell it consistently with great internal communication and reward right behaviors.

One of the great movie lines of all time comes from the movie Cool Hand Luke starring Paul Newman. The chain gang prison captain says to Luke after rendering a whipping on him, “What we’ve got here is … failure to communicate.” Watch Video.

Indeed, we do have … failure to communicate. Imagine being in my shoes and seeing huge gains and savings to be had in a business, yet the leader is out of the comfort of his or her experience or they assume they are communicating.

Expecting others to be mind readers is frustrating for everyone.

Purpose is the beginning of clarity in life and business. It pays big dividends to be on-purpose.