Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

self confidence

How Are You Building Your Confidence?

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Gaining confidence begins with a decision to become confident.

The lack of confidence can negatively influence every aspiration and aspect of your life and work. Personal leadership and personal confidence go hand in hand.

Avoid falling prey to the “Fake it until you make it” crowd who believe in building on lies at best and self-deception at worst. Being truthful about a matter where one isn’t experienced serves no one.

Confidence comes with experience and achievement, which can’t be faked.

Confidence, however, is speaking the truth about one’s experience and achievement and allowing the miracles of graciousness and kindness of others to accept you as you are rather than pretending to be someone you aren’t.

How are you gaining and building your confidence?

Please share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section. Thank you!

How Do I Simplify My Life?

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Have you reached the point where you’ve said, “Something has to change! I can’t go on living like this!”? You want to simplify your life, but then you mindlessly keep filling your schedule and piling up the work at home and on the job.

Life in the fast lane requires a vehicle designed to go fast. To do otherwise is simply gambling with one’s life. You may feel blessed with the desire to run in the fast lane. But you’ve also been blessed with the wisdom to know that level of activity can’t be sustained long-term without negative consequences.

No research studies here to reference, but my gut tells me many of us are looking to simplify life with the hopes that decluttering will offer stress relief, healthier living, and a more peaceful existence. We’re running so hard and so fast, that if we ease off the accelerator of our lives for a minute, we’re apt to discover we’re lost and without direction.

We begin asking basic and solid life questions such as:

  • “What does it really mean to be me?”
  • “How do I find direction in my life?”
  • “Who am I really?”
  • “How do I simplify my life?”

The desire to simplify our lives and the act of actually doing it are easily postponed. When a car needs maintenance, a dashboard light flashes on and we take it to the repair shop or dealer. When we need maintenance, we experience headaches, stress, grumpiness, and worse. Hypertension, adrenal fatigue, weight gain, and other risky decisions keep us flying down the highway of life in ill-maintained bodies. What do we do? We pop a pill to kill the pain or turn off the indicator.

Are you at risk of running yourself into the ground at a frenzied, unhealthy pace?

“Clutter equals postponed decisions.” That’s what my friend Barbara Hemphill, author of the Taming The Paper Tiger series and professional organizer extraordinaire, says about all the stuff surrounding us. In essence, Barbara’s telling us that physical clutter is a reflection of a life of indecision.

In the On-Purpose Approach, clutter is speedily and readily managed with the Want List and Tournament process. Download the free preview to the Discovery Guide. Use this simple process to sort and set priorities. In just about 10 minutes, your brain will be better organized, your spirit more settled, and you’ll move forward more productively. Use this tool every day with your Two Do lists or anytime you’ve got a project and can’t figure out where to start.

Let me offer a different perspective for you.

What if the demands, stresses, and strains of our modern society are actually blessings that refine and sharpen us to be more of who we are and are called to be? That means you are, in fact, an on-purpose person in creation. Perhaps this current crisis is really a conspiracy of compassion designed to bring you to your knees … for prayer and prayer alone. If so, count it all joy that you have hit your low point and can only look upward.

BONUS Video: Watch Michael W. Smith’s song Open the Eyes of My Heart. This worship song has long been a favorite of mine. If you’re in a dark place today or simply need to be uplifted, let the words of this song sink deep into your spirit.

Are You Full of “Should”?

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Stop “shoulding” on yourself and others.

Should is a powerfully debilitating word. It combines the spirit of good intention with a built-in disclaimer of failure. It is more potent than wishful thinking but far less honest. At least when we wish, we don’t really have the expectation of it coming true. Should—however directive and well intended—is deceptive and shame inducing.Should

Shoulds can be self-proclaimed.

Here are examples of typical shoulds:

  • “I should lose 20 pounds.”
  • “I should exercise more.”
  • “I should call my mother.”
  • “I should make that sales call.”
  • “I should save more money.”
  • “I should speak up for myself.”

These decrees of self-deception are mere words tossed off our tongues so we sound like we’re on top of a matter and knowledgeable … when, truthfully, we are not committed. Words without action amount to just a pile of sh… shoulds.

These “I should … ” statements are weasel words that neither inspire nor encourage.

Instead, we exile ourselves to be mired in mediocrity.

In the pairings below, which statement do you find more believable?

  • “I should lose 20 pounds.” Or “I will lose 20 pounds.”
  • “I should call my mother.” Or “I will call my mother.”
  • “I should get a better job.” Or “I am working to find a better job.”

The bottom line: Strike should from your vocabulary whether talking to yourself or someone else. People of strength don’t mince their words by shoulding on themselves or others.Detail_discoveryfree

P.S. As promised, here is the link to the free Discovery Guide preview. Use this preview version to gain clarity and direction for your life so you can say “yes” to what’s important to your life, career, and work.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin