Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Religion and Spirituality

What Is the Meaning of Life?

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Did you make the choice today that your life is going to be meaningful? If so, please tell me about it in the comments area below. What do you anticipate the implications of your decision will be over the rest of your life?

 

“What is the meaning of life?”

Now there’s a tiny topic hardly worth pondering! The graphic and T-shirt design below by artist Aled Lewis (used with his permission)29_the_meaning_of_life_big may provide as good a sense of “clarity” on the topic as one can find.

Kidding aside, the value of asking, “What is the meaning of life?” may be less in the answer to one of life’s big questions, but more in the very act of the inquiry.

Asking this question is a positive sign that changes in life, ideally growth and maturity, are budding.

There’s an awareness that can lead to a new life with the potential to lead to a life of purpose and meaning. Engagement in a greater reality has begun.

Change is a part of life, but a change for life needs to be self-initiated—owned if you will. Those around may demand or encourage us by saying “Change your life,” but at the end of the day, it is our responsibility and challenge.

How you go about embracing growth is up to you.

For me, my big shift change happened when I attended a Bible study of the book of Romans back in the spring of 1985. Like many, I had been searching for meaning in life. As a true student of self-help literature, I was well read in the classic and contemporary self-help writers. At some point, however, it all started to sound like the same stuff simply rehashed from a different point of view.

I was not a Christian, but I was curious and willing to give that “old and irrelevant book” and the institution of the Church a chance. The Bible, I discovered, had a ring of authenticity about it that none of my self-help books had. There were no lightning strikes or trumpets sounding.

It was mostly an intellectual pursuit to better understand

  • Who am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • What should I do with my life?
  • Is life meaningful?

The Bible was different because here was core wisdom instead of just knowledge.

What is the meaning of life?

It doesn’t matter what I say. You have to find your answer for yourself. What I will tell you, however, is this: life is meaningful!

Start with this basic assumption and go forward.

Is It Right To Pray For Business Success?

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Prayer Integrates

Many of us grew up with a compartmentalized view of life. The wisdom of the day went along these lines: “Your personal life is your personal life. Your business life is your business life. Don’t mix the two.”

While there is something to be said for keeping healthy boundaries and focusing appropriately, there is a dangerous downside risk to one’s ethics and behaviors. As we separate our spiritual life from any part of life, we’re dis-integrating.

The cost of being off-purpose in real dollars and human terms is incalculable.

As we advance from the agrarian age to the industrial age to the knowledge age and head into the age of purpose and meaning, integration—not disintegration—is the norm. Central to each individual’s personal life is their spiritual life or faith. If you are inclined to pray in your personal life, perhaps the role of prayer in your business life is a concept you’ve never considered.

Can I Pray for Business and Career Success?

  • Pray unceasingly.
  • Pray from your spiritual tradition for wise guidance, profitable relationships, and right decisions.
  • Pray for your co-workers, clients, team members, vendors, and competitors(!).
  • Pray before you go into a meeting or start on a sales call.

Just don’t pray as some sort of prosperity gospel or demand on God. To pray for business success isn’t really prayer. It is a demand and expectation for a result, not a relationship. Placing your agenda ahead of God’s agenda is akin to self-idolatry. It is the arrogance of telling God you know better. Pray, but trust God for the result that is best for your maturity and growth.

Formal and Informal Prayer

There’s formal prayer where you get down on your knees in a praying position clasping your hands together and perhaps using a book of common prayer or a guide. You may be in a service at a house of worship or next to your bed saying your prayers.

There’s also informal prayer. Invite prayer to be a casual part of your everyday walking about. Take one-minute prayer breaks. You’ll be amazed how much dead time opens on your schedule.

  • Do you wait for the hot water to come or the bath to fill? Pray.
  • Do you wait for a meeting to start? Pray.
  • Do you commute to work, drive to appointments, sit at your office desk, etc.? Pray!

Recognize these seemingly empty minutes and redeem the time with a prayer.

Our Unfair Advantage by Dr. Jim Harris
Click the book cover to buy it at amazon.com

“But Kevin, I don’t know how to pray for my business.” I hear that from time to time. A great resource for you is Our Unfair Advantage, written by my Christian friend and colleague, Dr. Jim Harris. Discover the why, what, how, and importance of getting counsel from your most important “silent partner”—the Holy Spirit.

Pray, Don’t Prey

Don’t, however, prey on people or use your faith as a means to excuse yourself from excellence, rationalize your mistakes, or create personal entitlement.

If integrity is an important value to you, then be sure to hold dear forgiveness as a complementary value. Master the art of being aware of your defensiveness, calming yourself, acknowledging your errors, asking for forgiveness, and giving thanks for the lesson learned.

You’ll become a more authentic and trusted leader when you can admit and right your wrongs within the scope of your control and authority.

This On-Purpose® Business Minute explores the power of being “on the job” and praying for owners and employees alike. What do you think? Is it right to pray for business success?

Can A Leader Afford To Be Real and Authentic?

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Leaders tend to have catch phrases that direct their behavior and decisions. But what if these guiding “principles” are more style than substance when it comes to truly leading one’s life?

For example, “Never let them see you sweat!”

That’s the advice given to many a rising leader. But is it valid, or is this just the mythology of being a “strong” leader? Then again, does a truly strong leader have anything to hide?
Iron sharpening Iron

The pride of not letting others see you sweat risks closing you off to having a mentor and becoming boorishly self-referenced instead of formed and informed by the diverse views of others.

Proverbs says, “Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Sometimes the sparks flying is exactly what’s needed.

Actor Jack Nicholson starred in the movie A Few Good Men as Col. Nathan R. Jessep. In the movie he utters the famous line, “You can’t handle the truth!” in a display of arrogance stemming from a fear of exposure.

“Be an open book,” is the advice many would instill in others.

  • Is there such a thing as too much information?
  • Do we expect our leaders to exhibit a measure of prudent transparency?
  • Where is the line of privacy?
  • Don’t we need to practice discretion and judgment?

In controversial situations, the easy way is to posture or parse a reply that caters to the audience to please the other person. To be authentic, however, may mean that you’ll pay a small price now for your candor, but down the road you’ll not have to pay the higher price from a lack of sincerity.

Scratch below the surface of your style to discover the bedrock of your guiding principles.

Then you can stand on firm ground to speak and act in a manner that is true to how you are and what you believe … and let the chips fall where they may.

To be an authentic leader requires us to know what is truly important to us. Invest in yourself to learn who you are and leading will more naturally follow.

Are Your Leadership Skills Maturing or Just Growing Old?

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Are you maturing as a leader or just getting older?

The fear of being exposed for who we really are is likely the greatest fear gripping us and keeping us from realizing our leadership potential. This is especially true for those who bought into the lie of “fake it until you make it.”

Even a “successful” life built upon posing and lies lives in the shadow of discovery. Immaturity causes us to be afraid of what other people will think of us. This sophomoric pride keeps us from growing, improving, and Fearofexposuretesting ourselves at the next level.

On the other hand, none of us are perfect. In effect, we’re all goofballs at some level in some place at some time. So get over the pretenses of perfection and live into the real you. Being authentic is in the foundation of great leadership qualities.

So how good are your leadership skills and, importantly, your leadership attitudes?

Are you …

  • Learning (for a lifetime)?
  • Leading (your life so others want to follow you)?
  • Loving (unconditionally)?
  • Leaving (the world a better place)?

Many cite the absence of leaders today. Actually, we’re suffering from an absence of mature leaders stemming from the reality that we’re still trying to figure out what to do with ourselves when we grow up.

Certainly, there’s a benefit to having a childlike curiosity and faith. But let’s talk growing up here—stepping into adulthood with both feet firmly planted on the ground as a leader of one’s life who is growing in experience, wisdom, discernment, and judgment.

Our dearth of leaders may well reflect deeper challenges—the absence of mentors and the value of relationships over time. Accepting those rationales, however, are excuses. If you want to be a leader, you’ll find the mentors, experiences, and relationships that will grow you so you are learning, leading, loving, and leaving—the four attitudes of mature leaders.

At On-Purpose Partners we serve up heaping portions of maturity through our one-on-one On-Purpose Executive and Personal Coaching Programs. Is this your time to nakedly take your place in the front of the pack?

What Are You Worth?

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No, this On-Purpose Minute isn’t a financial net worth kind of question! Much is made about self-worth and self-esteem, but preceding these is inherent worth.

Have you ever considered yourself as having inherent worth for just being who you are?

Many people are asking, “How can I find more self-confidence?” The underlying question isn’t a matter of gaining more self-confidence. First it is a matter of having confidence in one’s basic humanity, reason for being, and, as the U.S. Declaration of Independence describes them, “certain unalienable rights.”

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Are you prone to place conditions or performance standards on yourself to establish your worth as a human being?

Conditional worth, esteem, or love always fall short because they are based on external or environmental factors, beyond our control. Whether such conditions are self-imposed, learned, or simply cultural they’re limiting and limited and ultimately don’t serve us well.

Even the self-improvement business can’t solve your challenge if you believe you don’t have value from the day you were born to today and into tomorrow.

What does it mean to truly accept your inborn value?

What are the implications for you if behind all of your impressions, experiences, education, achievements, and performances you’re still empty in the end simply because you grip to a notion that somehow you “don’t deserve it”? Share your thoughts in the comments sections below.

This On-Purpose® Minute invites you to explore your inherent worth and to accept your unconditional love. Scrape away the accumulation of lies, shoulds and oughts, put-downs, and abuse to reveal the depth of your being. Explore what you really believe about yourself and your worth in your heart of hearts.

Your inherent worth journey promises to be a valuable experience, albeit it may be a painful one, too. Appreciate how to do more than just build your confidence and to understand and accept the wellspring or source of your confidence, worth, and value just for being you.

There is a reason the tagline for the personal leadership offerings of On-Purpose® begins with “Be Yourself.” Implied in “Be Yourself” is coming to positive terms with who you are. This is more than just accepting yourself for who you are. It is to joyfullyOn-Purpose Logo tag w color embrace the extraordinary and spectacular supernatural reality that you even exist and that you have a reason for being. Your 2-word purpose is a simple key unlocking the remarkable truth of your existence.

Yes, you may need to step far back from where you find yourself today to prospect for your intrinsic value. Do it! Don’t settle for seeing yourself as fool’s gold when you have a 24-karat heart and life buried within begging to be discovered and explored.

Be prepared, however; the exploration of your inherent worth leads to a way where forgiveness and grace will be necessary to both give and receive. It will inspire improvement and intrinsic motivation to be and become. Inherent worth is best realized with a change of heart toward God, self, and others … in that order.

Going_to_the_Well_Cover_front

Women: Recommended Reading

Janet Cronstedt and J. M. Emmert co-authored Going to the Well, a modern parable set against the Bible story of the Samaritan Woman at Jacob’s Well. Explore the many issues of self-worth and inherent value through this easy reading message that will ring true especially for women. Men, if you care about your wife or daughter, then read this to better know how to be a man for the women in your life.

Powerful insights and understanding found in Going to the Well can lead to healing and recovery from the many plagues of low self-esteem and worth. You can’t afford to keep living the way you are. Go to the well in order to become well, whole, and worthy.

From the Mind of Mel Kauffman (used with permission) in response to this On-Purpose Minute

Shyness

Great message Kevin,

One of the siblings of low self-esteem is shyness. I am attaching a writing called Shyness No More. There are so many hidden messages in this tiny paragraph.

So many parents mention that they have a child who is shy. Not true. No child is born shy or with low self-esteem. Shyness was added by inappropriate parenting. No two siblings are treated with the same parenting.

To me, the best method of shyness recovery is to consciously stretch your zone of comfort.

No book that I have ever read has explained the source of low self-esteem and a simple way to eliminate it.

Pass it along,

Mel

Shyness No More

I believe that shyness is a habit. Shyness is not in your DNA. Shyness is not in your genes. Scientists have not been able to isolate one shyness molecule. Being shy is instilled. A newborn in the nursery is not shy. The newborn will do what it needs or wants to do without shyness or hesitation. Soon when the newborn becomes a small child a parent will utter, “My child is shy.” The parent will utter these words in front of their child. How sad. All of us seek attention. Soon the child will realize it is getting more attention by being shy, then the child becomes shyer. How sad. When the child becomes an adult it seldom speaks. Speaking becomes emotionally painful. Anais Nin wrote, and then the day came when the risk of remaining tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote Conversations with God, penned these words: life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So in order to have more life a person must enlarge their comfort zone. One way for your zone to have a larger circumference is to be pushed. Mother eagle commanded her eaglet, “Come to the edge.” The eaglet said, “I am afraid.” Mother eagle admonishes, “Come to the edge.” The eaglet once again said, “I am afraid.” She pushed. The eaglet soared! Wouldn’t it be delightful to soar out of your shyness into a world that is waiting for your words? Ralph Waldo Emerson had another suggestion: do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain. William Shakespeare over 400 years ago gave us this thought: act the part and you become it. Shyness recovery is a decision. When you reach the age of self-reliance, you will decide.

Mel Kaufmann

(1921-2018)

19 Ways to Conquer Low Self Esteem

Above is an interesting article with a diversity of ideas and points of view on low self esteem sourced by Jordan Ring.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

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Pointer: I make reference to The Service Model™ in this On-Purpose Minute. Here is a link to review, purchase, and download a copy. Click Here for Your Copy.

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Look at the kid in the front row, fourth from the left! Yep, the one with the rolled-up pants (room to grow) and checkered jacket. That’s yours truly in Mrs. (Lois) Johnson’s Kindergarten in Bethel Park, PA! My guess is the photo was taken in 1960 and I’m five years old. I was one of the youngest kids in this class.

Mrs. Johnson Kindergarten

I was blessed with a very happy childhood. I don’t look really happy on the day of this photograph. Come to think of it, none of the boys look too thrilled to be this close to girls (yuck!) and under such tight control with our hands in our laps!

In reviewing my report card from those days, I read “Kevin is young and lacks confidence.” Fortunately, my parents decided to hold me back a year so I could grow in confidence. Yes, I repeated kindergarten! My parents’ wisdom set me on a more positive trajectory for life. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Odd that I still remember those words and that label “Kevin … lacks confidence.” It used to really bug me that I was a person who lacked confidence. As I’ve matured, I realize how wrong my understanding of that statement was. Mrs. Johnson was offering feedback to my parents so they could make informed decisions to remedy the matter rather than labeling me. I’m the one who mistakenly “owned” the label. Five- and six-year-old minds do things like that. Sadly, so do 25-, 35-, 45- … year-old minds, too!

Each of us lacks confidence at the start of anything new. Confidence can apply to a skill or aptitude but not to the very nature or soul of a person—that’s just too destructive.

Have you bought a lie that you lack confidence or some other such nonsense? Don’t!

Let’s rephrase the statement and shift your perspective. You just haven’t yet found the bedrock of your beliefs and faith upon which to grow in confidence! I promise you that this solid ground for the soul exists in you. Like innate leadership, you have a place where you are designed and destined to be confident. It is a birthright that you may need to claim (or reclaim). Keep looking!

Look into the eyes of that little boy on the first row then and today in the video. As a person, does he lack confidence today? I’ve been a speaker in arenas in front of thousands. I’ve been on TV and radio broadcasts throughout the USA and Canada. People without confidence don’t do that.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

There’s the question I’m placing before you. I’ve found the readers of this blog are a bright bunch of people. Please share your insights, comments, or quotes in the Comments section below. Let’s help one another become more confident as leaders of our lives.

Quotes About Confidence

Readers of The On-Purpose Person and The On-Purpose Business Person know that I start each chapter with a quotation. For this post, I turned to my book of quotations about confidence specifically. These quotations will stimulate your thinking:

“I had no vision of the scope of what I would start. But I had confidence that as long as we did our work well and were good to our customers, there would be no limit to us.”

    Sam Walton, Founder of Walmart (1918–1992)

“To do anything in this world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in, and scramble through as well as we can.”

    Sydney Smith, Anglican Clergyman and writer (1771–1845)

“Fortunate is the person who has developed the self-control to steer a straight course toward his objective in life, without being swayed from his purpose by either commendation or condemnation.”

    Napoleon Hill, Author, Think and Grow Rich

“Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.”

    Channing Pollack, U.S. Magician and Hollywood Actor (1926–2006)

“Confidence is the feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.”

     Cicero, Roman philosopher, 1st Century B.C.

 

I leave you with one parting On-Purpose Proverb:

“Awareness of one’s lack of confidence indicates that your heart and your head are still talking. They just need to get the rest of the body moving so the next lesson can be learned more readily.”

Are You An Explorer?

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Age doesn’t matter when it comes to developing the attitude of being an explorer.

Adventure is most often associated with youth. Let’s not, however, confuse inexperience with adventure. To be an explorer of life is to see life as an adventure versus a chore or time served on the planet. I know adventurers who are 9 and those who are in their 90s. The choice is yours.


Cultivating a spirit of curiosity about the world is a noble endeavor, but don’t forget yourself.

The better you know who you are the richer that journey beyond you will be and become. The ultimate exploration is to know oneself because in the process of that journey you’ll face some very challenging ordeals (Hey, it’s an adventure!) that will clarify your thinking and provoke your beliefs. To understand your design, you’ll look into the mind and heart of the Designer. Wow!

“We must develop a compelling vision of later life: one that does not assume a trajectory of decline after fifty, but one that recognizes it as a time of change, growth, and new learning, a time when our courage gives us hope.”

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot
Author: The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure

 

“We are here to be excited from youth to old age, to have an insatiable curiosity about the world. Aldous Huxley once said that to carry the spirit of the child into old age is the secret of genius. And I buy that.

“We are also here to genuinely, humbly, and sincerely help others by practicing a friendly attitude. And every person is born for a purpose. Everyone has a God-given potential, in essence, built into them. And if we are to realize life to its fullest, we must realize that potential.”

Norman Vincent Peale
Protestant pastor, Author, The Power of Positive ThinkingCrazy_grandpa

This photo to the right is not Norman Vincent Peale. It is Mr. Six of Six Flags. I want to meet him! Dig the shoes! Watch him in action! (He’s actually an actor, not a real old guy but you get the point about the attitude.)

The aging process is inevitable.

How we age, however, is significantly within our control. Just because you might be part of an “aging population,” such as the Baby Boomers, it doesn’t mean that you are

  • over the hill
  • washed up
  • kaput
  • done for

Heck, you’re finally better equipped than ever.

Keith Lawrence is the co-author of Your Retirement Quest. Keith has been researching and advising those approaching and in retirement. Why wait to get started until you are retired or in assisted living to begin your Retirement Quest? Discover your Retirement Quest today regardless of what decade of life you are in.

Just about every day, I visit my Mom who is in her early 90s. This affords me the honor to meet her friends, many of whom are well into their 90s. One woman just turned 105 and looks like she is 75. I learn a lot from being with this Greatest Generation in this independent living facility. They’re an interested lot who read, discuss, debate, and embrace life. One observation I’ve had about this vital group—they aren’t the grumpy old people so often portrayed. They’re vibrant, interested, and interesting. As Peale recommends, they’ve carried a youthful curiosity into their advanced years.

Begin by discovering who you really are. Retirement age is not mandated by an employer or the government; it comes when we decide to stop discovering who we really are and what we are capable of achieving even to our death bed.

Those who never tire of learning, never retire.

Are You Happily Distracted?

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Warning: This On-Purpose Minute blog post has a sting. Proceed with caution.

Free From Fear February

Click For My Special Offer To Help You

 

We live in the entertainment economy. We’re so immersed in it that we’re like fish who don’t realize they’re swimming in water.

For example, the February 1 NFL Super Bowl XLIX drew an estimated 114.4 million viewers. Admittedly, I was one of them taking in the game, commercials, and halftime. Pro football is my sports distraction of choice along with suspense thrilling movies and TV shows.

I know these next two paragraphs will be controversial, but here goes anyway. When halftime performer Katy Perry rode out on a giant golden lion, Moses came to my mind. Remember Moses (Exodus 32) coming down the mountain with the 10 Commandments and seeing the people with a golden calf. Despite being delivered from Egypt, led through the Red Sea, and fed with manna from heaven, the people were easily distracted with images of gold.

Now compare tens of thousands in a packed stadium cheering and the millions of us at homes and parties who were glued to the TV in utter fascination as this tiny singer decked in flames entered the arena strapped atop the golden king of the jungle. And we wonder why the Jihadists call us the Great Satan. Seen through their eyes and without context, we look like worshipers of false gods “deserving” of punishment. The difference of course was that God didn’t smite the Israelites, but thanks to Moses’ intervention they received mercy and grace, not murder and mayhem.

I share my disturbing vision to shock you out of the depth of the “entertainment immersion” to invite you to breathe the fresh air of a life lived more thoughtfully and fully alive. Think of this message as CPR for the soul. 

Be sure to invest yourself in the matters of life that matter the most. Go more deeply into the discovery of knowing who you are, how you were designed, and the difference your life can make in the world of the “happily distracted” who are filled but unfulfilled.

Distractions abound in an ADHD-paced schedule and life. Distractions prevent us from getting to clarity and building lives of maturity, depth, and greater contribution. When distractions become our way of life, the way of our life is passing us by.

How many times have you said, “I just want to be happy”? Perhaps you’ve said it about your children, too. To be happy is certainly a worthy emotional state. 

A smiley by Pumbaa, drawn using a text editor.Image via Wikipedia

Dare I ask …

Is happiness the true gold standard for the ideal emotional state?

Can we always be happy?

Are we entitled to happiness? 

Yes, I believe in the book title from the Minirth Meier New Life Clinic, Happiness is a Choice. I’m happy to be happy!

Perhaps my age is showing with my questions (and answer). Hopefully, I’m not a cynic, but a keen observer of the human condition. The “pursuit of happiness” as we understand and apply it in the 21st Century may actually not be in our long-term best interest. Too often the pursuit of happiness is the unhealthy avoidance of reality. Denial and distraction are a dangerous one-two combination that take us down an unhealthy path of avoidance.

Happiness, for all its good as it is in use today, is a fleeting, temporary, or surface emotion. Happiness is circumstantial and has the effect of drug tolerance. What it takes to makes us happy tends to get ramped up over time. We need more and bigger to satisfy our happiness quotient. 

The more enduring emotions are love, joy, and peace because they are attitudes of choice, not circumstances. The matter becomes, not what can I do to be happy but can I be at peace regardless of my circumstances.

Viktor Frankl in his book Man’s Search For Meaning profoundly observed that those who survived in Nazi prison camps had a compelling reason and will to live. In essence, they made peace with their circumstances and captors. They lived until another day because they had a purpose, a reason for being.

Pursuing your purpose (instead of happiness) opens the back door to the prosperous and joyful life of being more at peace. Get off the “happy drug” of distractions. Stop paying the high price of avoiding being the true you.

On-Purpose Logo tag w color 500Frankly, we need you to be more of you. You’re the only one who can be you.  

 

 

 

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