Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Recreation

How Do I Combat Fear?

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Look at this list of fears. How many of them grip you?

Be sure to read the FEAR acronym later in this post; it’s not the “False Evidence Appearing Real” one—but that’s good too. Read on and learn how to combat fear.

  • Fear of public speaking
  • Fear of starting a business
  • Fear of being seen for who I really am
  • Fear of intimacy or closeness
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of making cold calls
  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of abandonmentfear
  • Fear of relationships
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of spiders
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of big words
  • Fear of death
  • Fear of loneliness
  • Fear of flying
  • Fear of snakes
  • Fear of people
  • Fear of a secret being revealed
  • Fear of risk
  • Fear of looking stupid
  • Fear of looking smart

The point of this partial list of fears is that fear exists.

Fear itself can be very real and dangerous.

When it comes to some fear, it is often simply a (mis)perception of reality. Fear is a normal and healthy part of life. Yes, healthy! For every fear I have, there is someone who isn’t phased in the least by the same fear. What is the difference?

Overcoming fear is a process, not necessarily an event.

It may require ongoing, progressive exposures or opportunities to face it. Here’s my quick acronym for overcoming fear.

  • F = Face it. You have a choice: flee fear or face fear. If you flee from fear, you are guaranteed a loss. If you face your fear, then you have a chance to grow and learn—a winning outcome.
  • E = Enter in. Having faced your fear, now take the first step toward what frightens you. And then take one more step beyond where you are comfortable. More, if possible.
  • A = Assess progress. What did you learn about your phobia, yourself, your perspective, your preconceived notions, your attitude, your experience, and whatever else you can glean as a positive step in growth? Even a setback holds a lesson, but you need to go into it with the understanding that it is an experiment in learning and growth.
  • R = Recalibrate. Picture your fear on a scale from 1–10. As a result of Face–Enter–Assess, what measurable—if any—improvement, growth, or learning have you experienced? Now, go back and recalibrate your fear scale.

What are your specific benefits of playing it safe rather than facing your fears?

Fear will keep you from being on-purpose. Follow the FEAR Approach and keep making progress … on-purpose.

Step 1: Face It: A Simple How-to Guide to Combat Fear

FIT 4 LEADING

Click on the cover to learn more.

In FIT 4 Leading, the “F” in FIT stands for Fear. Fear is but one of the four greatest obstacles to success faced by leaders. Several years ago, I conducted a study of small business and solo owners. Over 22% of the respondents indicated that fear is their greatest obstacle to success. So you’re not alone in your fears, but this is one place where you don’t want comfort in numbers.

Fear is an educator when we’re willing to lean into it and allow it to teach us. One strategy I suggest to help you overcome your fear(s) is the use of a coach or mentor. They come to your fear with a different experience and set of senses.

A coach can help you:

  1. Break down what’s really going on within your fear and pinpoint a more precise “definition” of your fear.
  2. Help you to see and quantify where and what your fear is costing you.
  3. Devise strategies and a plan for facing your fear in small manageable steps.
  4. Provide accountability to see that you follow through on your plan.
  5. Process your experiences of facing your fears and lessons to be learned.

Fear is an enemy of the soul and success.

Like any enemy, it can be identified, named, and defeated. But make no mistake that you’re going into combat and you want to be armed and not alone. Fear, however bad it may seem, points the way to personal growth and development.

Fear Quotes

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

To lead is difficult when you’re a follower of fear.

T.A. Sachs

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Anonymous

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. 

Anonymous

If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all thinking, damages his personality and makes him a landlord to a ghost.

Lloyd Douglas

Why Is Life So Hard?

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In this On-Purpose Minute we’re exploring one of the greatest hidden impediments to living a better life: confused language, in general, and—specifically—the words of strategy and planning. Purpose, vision, and mission are used synonymously though they are not the same. Each has a unique quality, capacity, and meaning.

Each strategic term of Purpose, Vision, Mission, and Values answers a TOP Pal 2014 w copyrightspecific question and speaks to a distinct aspect of personal and organizational strategy.

Purpose: Why do I exist? (Being: Identity and worth)

Vision: Where am I going? (Seeing: Direction and dreams)

Mission: What do I do? (Doing: Planning and action)

Values: What is important? (Choosing: Decisions and importance)

On-Purpose, therefore, is when your heart, head, and hands are aligned and integrated with the highest values.

On-Purpose® is both a process and state of being strategically integrated while giving practical expression to who you truly are. You prosper others and yourself—it’s a win–win. As a result, you can’t help but make a difference.

Too many of us live our lives desperately seeking “to make a difference.” It is a noble aspiration, but a misguided approach. When the focus is the result and not the cause, then we’re almost sure to get distracted and detoured.

Instead, focus on becoming the personal leader of your life.

Know who you are—really.

  • Write your 2-word purpose statement.
  • Invest the time to clarify your vision and missions.
  • Specify your values—the boundaries and guidelines of your life that matter most to your overall health and well-being.

Need help? Explore The On-Purpose Shop for books, tools, coaching, and more.

Decay and destruction are easier than growth and construction. Being on-purpose is work … but consider the alternative. And that, dear reader, is why life is so hard.

Rock-paper-scissors chartRock–paper–scissors chart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When there isn’t agreement on the definitions of Purpose, Vision, Missions, and Values—but plans are made with them—then those plans are confused. Confused plans result in under-performance. Under-performance calls for a review and update of the plans. Rock–Paper–Scissors!

Can a good old game of Rock–Paper–Scissors help you to unlock the difficulties of your life?

Yes!

  • Rock breaks scissors.
  • Scissors cut paper.
  • Paper covers rock.

We know the rules and the game.

The problem isn’t the process, tools, or sincerity of the people. The problem is outside of the system. The terms of leadership and strategy are confused so the entire “game” is rigged against you to almost always fall short.

Have you ever asked yourself, Why am I so frustrated and overwhelmed? Do you think you’re crazy or something is wrong with you?

If you’re crazy, then you don’t know you’re crazy. If you think you’re crazy, then you’re sane enough to know you’re not going mad. All this, therefore, means you aren’t crazy—just stressed, worn, and detoured from the life of your dreams but not the life of your reality.

When the world within us is confused, directionless, and searching, to assume the world outside of us is going to magically provide what we’re looking for is stepping on the unhealthy path of voluntary victimhood.

To make sense of the world about you, make sense of your life.

Start with consistent definitions of purpose, vision, missions, and values. Then, answer the questions above. The On-Purpose Person provides the method and steps to lead your life on-purpose.

On-Purpose Profile: Hugh MacLeod of GapingVoid.com

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Rackspace-1010-05j-550x353b

permissions granted for use of the above cartoon by Hugh MacLeod

In spite of my classic business education and conservative ways, I have a deep appreciation for artists who tear into the essence of the human condition to challenge the traditionally held views of society.  All is not right since that one bite in the Garden of Eden.

A recent post I saw in Copyblogger.com by Hugh MacLeod inspired me to dig into his story.  His artwork brought a smile of irreverent recognition for the prevalent challenges with so many in the workforce.  Hugh's website, GapingVoid.com, includes a number of edgy "Cube Grenades" that he fiendishly lobs into the lives of his corporate captive audiences.  Take a scroll around his cartoon log. Be sure to subscribe to his daily cartoons for an emotionally explosive reminder of how your work can be a noble expression of your purpose… or not! 

If you're a fan of the hit TV show The Office, then for sure, Hugh's artwork will curl your lips upward.  A bit of parody mixed with a dose of purpose may be just the recipe for prodding you to be on-purpose.

Hugh provides us with a great example of a person with a love and talent for something that doesn't fit the mold of what's expected.  Instead of compromising who he is to become someone he isn't, he's growing who he is in order to be more of whom he can become.  Sure, he's working hard at it!  Sure, you're working hard too.  Hugh provides yet another profile of a person building a life where the inner work and outer work are aligned and integrated in a productive and profitable manner.

Thanks Hugh for your Cube Grenades that blow holes in the facade of living with contented, unexamined mediocrity.  You're encouraging us all to step into the boldness of being on-purpose:  Be Yourself> Prosper> Make A Difference.

On-Purpose Minutes


How’s Your Resolve For Your New Year’s Resolutions?

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Making New Year's Resolutions is just a bit more popular than breaking them.  How do you make your resolutions stick this year?  The answer isn't in a list, per se, but in the resolve and commitment you make.  This is actually very easy to measure. 

The On-Purpose Leader Experience is the ultimate opportunity to succeed in your goals.  Here you'll create written plans, develop support structure, and have a community of support on a members only website.  I look forward to interacting with you by phone and by web forums.

On January 5, The On-Purpose Leader Experience launches 2011 with an introductory, no charge preview.  You need to be registered to gain access to the private webcast and website.  

REGISTER AT THIS LINK FOR THE ON-PURPOSE LEADER EXPERIENCE.

 

On-Purpose Minutes
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The AT Adventure Begins!

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June 26, 2010

Charles, 19, and Anne McCarthy, 17, our son and daughter head from Amicalola Falls State Park, just north of Atlanta, GA., to go on a 30-day hike on the Appalachian Trail (AT).  Judith has been sick so I took them up and walked the first three miles with them to Frosty Mountain.  This video picks up the start of their adventure on the Approach to the AT.  The back story is below the video.

Please
enjoy this 5-minute video and then I invite you to use the comments section below to share what adventure you would do if you were brave.

Back Story: Charles has been hiking the AT since he was ten when he went to Camp Deep
Woods for Boys, a truly life-changing experience for him thanks to
Kells Hogan, the Camp Director.  At the Christ
School Outdoor Program, Charles continued his love of outdoor
adventure and training.  Anne, on the other hand, is a novice hiker but a
game competitor. 

This all started this winter when Charles posted a request on Facebook inviting people to join him on the AT.  His itinerary was planned to attract others to join him for the entire hike or to join him part way.   The only person who responded was Anne!  Kudos to her for stepping up.  Kudos to both for thinking it was a cool idea to hike the AT with their sibling.

Some think Judith and I are crazy to allow our older teens to hike the AT alone.  We think we're crazy not to support them in this adventure.  There is tremendous support and services along the way.  This is wilderness, but not raw and unmapped wilderness.  Both kids' abilities to reason and make good decisions are strong.  Here's an amazing opportunity for them to work together as a brother and sister
while testing personal character and endurance against what nature can
throw their way.  Leadership is about facing fears and challenges both
physical and mental.  Frankly, we couldn't be more proud of them both.

We also figure that this hike will either bond them for life or one of them will the kill the other.  Clearly, we're betting on the former outcome and feel the odds are heavily in our favor.  I guess the theory is this:  What our failures as parents didn't produce in them they are likely to beat each other into a better relationship on this trip!  Tell me now who is crazy!

Thank
you fellow National Speakers Association member Jana Stanfield
whose song, If I Were Brave provides the music score.  She's
gracious about granting permission for use.

For the record, I did
jog from Frosty Mtn. back to the car in just under an hour.  I had a few
stops to chat with other hikers, drink water, and walk some of the
uphill sections.  Then I hit the road and drove home to Winter Park.  What a great day!

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The On-Purpose Leader Experience: Session 1 Replay

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OPLeaderimage "What am I going to do when I grow up?" 

It is funny
when we say it, yet the price of not really knowing who we are as
grown-ups is needlessly expensive to every aspect of our lives.

I
get it!  You're stretched to the max and burdened under more
commitments than you have time.  Life is wrapped so tight, that you're
not sure where to begin with making your life make sense.

Now, you
can test drive The On-Purpose Leader Experience which is based on
The On-Purpose Person.  Listen and watch the replay of the introductory webcast by CLICKING HERE.   You will be taken to
the replay page.   Be sure to click on "SLIDES" in the upper left hand
corner so you can watch and listen.

The program includes five
remaining webcasts, replays, and web site support.  Enrollment for
this series ends: Tuesday, June 1, midnight. 

Experience what it means to be on-purpose and to be in a community of on-purpose persons in creation.

Be On-Purpose!

Kevin

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Your Work View

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Today is Labor Day in the USA.  Ironically, it is a day when many of us have the day off from work and the kids are out of school.  According to Wikipedia, Labor Day began as "a street parade to exhibit to the public ‘the strength and esprit de
corps of the trade and labor organizations,’ followed by a festival for
the workers and their families."

Let’s take the occasion, however, to look at the very nature of our labor and its meaning.  The concept of work is vitally misunderstood in many corners of the economy and culture.

For those of us who view work as an expression of one’s calling and difference making, work conjures positive feelings and robust expression of who we are.  For many others the concept of work elicits harsh bondage and dependence on the whim of their boss.  Still, there are some who would wash away all work and settle for a life of recreation and parties.  So what view of work works?

[Read more…] about Your Work View

Rainbow Magic & On-Purpose Pals

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June 24th I invested the afternoon catching up with my friend Glenn Hettinger from Ponte Vedra, FL.  I’ve known Glenn for twenty-five years and we’ve always had an honest and engaging friendship bouncing ideas, family matters, and business ideas off of one another.

Daytona Beach has proven to be a great mid-point for us to rendezvous about once a year.  While we were walking the beach a rainbow appeared so Glenn snapped this picture of me holding it.  I thought it was a fun shot.

Who in your life are you missing?
Who speaks candidly into your spirit?
Who marks the years with you?

Call, write, or email whoever came to your mind as I was asking these questions.  They haven’t heard from you in a while and now is the perfect time to set up a time to invest some time together.