Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

confidence

How Solid Is Your Core?

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A solid core is the source of inner strength.

This isn’t to say that fears, doubts, and concerns don’t creep into our lives. The difference is when they do creep in, do they find an unguarded home to invade?

Pileated_Woodpecker
Pileated Woodpecker

You are better positioned to withstand the storms of life with a solid core of purpose, vision, missions, and values.

(Look for the bonus footage on today’s On-Purpose Minute about the cost of having a hollow core versus a solid core. After hurricanes pass over us, we see just which trees have maintained a solid core.)

Did you know that woodpeckers peck at trees to find the rotting trees? That’s where the bugs are. At the solid-core trees, the birds sound them with their beaks and then move on to easier hunting.

At our core, we are spiritual beings.

And at the core of your being is your inherent purpose, your reason for being. Purpose isn’t learned or earned. Purpose is; it exists. Purpose isn’t optional. Your purpose came with your birth package.

People can be woodpeckers who pick and poke at you.

A solid core gives no ground to their offenses. A hollow core makes you susceptible to critical natures and comments. Life gets better all around when you know who you are and you live it solidly from the inside out. That’s being on-purpose!

How Are You Building Your Confidence?

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Gaining confidence begins with a decision to become confident.

The lack of confidence can negatively influence every aspiration and aspect of your life and work. Personal leadership and personal confidence go hand in hand.

Avoid falling prey to the “Fake it until you make it” crowd who believe in building on lies at best and self-deception at worst. Being truthful about a matter where one isn’t experienced serves no one.

Confidence comes with experience and achievement, which can’t be faked.

Confidence, however, is speaking the truth about one’s experience and achievement and allowing the miracles of graciousness and kindness of others to accept you as you are rather than pretending to be someone you aren’t.

How are you gaining and building your confidence?

Please share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section. Thank you!

Are You Prepared To Truly Prosper?

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Let’s dig into the true meaning of the root of prosperous—the word “prosper.”

A dictionary is a wonderful record of history for the change in meaning of words 2618165_f520over time, especially as slang moves into everyday conversations. In the past decades we’ve seen in certain contexts that bad can mean good, and cool can mean hot, and sick is amazing.

Sadly, modern usage can twist and dilute the profound, deep meaning and roots of words. Prosper has suffered a measure of this cheapening of meaning, especially the mutual aspect or the healthy win–win part. 

To prosper evokes happiness as the founders of the USA intended and used the word. In writing about the inalienable rights of man, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, et al. saw happiness as a mutual raising of the human mind and spirit while also in service to uplifting the human condition.

In essence, to prosper is to be fully for oneself AND fully for others.

The Founders’ point of view was a win–win, rather than a narcissist’s zero-sum game of self-enriched winners at the expense of the “losers.”

What a wonderful ideal! In short, we’re each capable of being a hero instead of a heathen. Yes, it is a high bar, but what’s the alternative?

“You may have dollars in your pocket, but you will never prosper until you are at peace with yourself.”

The false notion that prosperity is purely financial sets us up for deep dissatisfaction. Prosperity is so much more than a bank account. It lives in our spirit and attitude and can trump our conditions.

Knowing your purpose empowers you to be more fully awakened and aware of who you are. This more intentional and healthier approach to life strengthens and emboldens you to live and lead in greater accord with the design of your life.

On-Purpose Logo tag w colorThe centerpiece of the tagline for On-Purpose® is the word Prosper. Within the On-Purpose Approach, each of us is invited to set our own standards for what it means to “Prosper.” This is why “Prosper” is preceded with “Be Yourself.”

To prosper means to succeed or thrive in a healthy way.

A “healthy way” translates into a measure of self-control, morality, and consciousness of the well-being of others. In other words, “to prosper” is a mutual objective rather than an individual enrichment.

My use of “Prosper” in the tagline may border on archaic but, please, let’s not let the rich inspiration and meaning of this important word get lost in time.

To prosper is good

  • for you
  • for me
  • for your neighbors
  • for your country
  • for the planet

Embrace the ideal of being a person who prospers.

As always, my hope and prayer is that you will be on-purpose and use the “tagline” to guide your personal leadership development and to guard your heart from the sin of self-importance while stretching into service.

If you want to make a difference with your life, the process is now before you about as simply stated as to be on-purpose.

May you truly prosper!

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“Peace as the foundation to a prosperous life.”OP Person and Peace covers

It is easy to say, but it may feel impossible to realize. Consider On-Purpose Peace, a small group study for Christians which can also be used individually or as a couple.

What Are You Worth?

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No, this On-Purpose Minute isn’t a financial net worth kind of question! Much is made about self-worth and self-esteem, but preceding these is inherent worth.

Have you ever considered yourself as having inherent worth for just being who you are?

Many people are asking, “How can I find more self-confidence?” The underlying question isn’t a matter of gaining more self-confidence. First it is a matter of having confidence in one’s basic humanity, reason for being, and, as the U.S. Declaration of Independence describes them, “certain unalienable rights.”

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Are you prone to place conditions or performance standards on yourself to establish your worth as a human being?

Conditional worth, esteem, or love always fall short because they are based on external or environmental factors, beyond our control. Whether such conditions are self-imposed, learned, or simply cultural they’re limiting and limited and ultimately don’t serve us well.

Even the self-improvement business can’t solve your challenge if you believe you don’t have value from the day you were born to today and into tomorrow.

What does it mean to truly accept your inborn value?

What are the implications for you if behind all of your impressions, experiences, education, achievements, and performances you’re still empty in the end simply because you grip to a notion that somehow you “don’t deserve it”? Share your thoughts in the comments sections below.

This On-Purpose® Minute invites you to explore your inherent worth and to accept your unconditional love. Scrape away the accumulation of lies, shoulds and oughts, put-downs, and abuse to reveal the depth of your being. Explore what you really believe about yourself and your worth in your heart of hearts.

Your inherent worth journey promises to be a valuable experience, albeit it may be a painful one, too. Appreciate how to do more than just build your confidence and to understand and accept the wellspring or source of your confidence, worth, and value just for being you.

There is a reason the tagline for the personal leadership offerings of On-Purpose® begins with “Be Yourself.” Implied in “Be Yourself” is coming to positive terms with who you are. This is more than just accepting yourself for who you are. It is to joyfullyOn-Purpose Logo tag w color embrace the extraordinary and spectacular supernatural reality that you even exist and that you have a reason for being. Your 2-word purpose is a simple key unlocking the remarkable truth of your existence.

Yes, you may need to step far back from where you find yourself today to prospect for your intrinsic value. Do it! Don’t settle for seeing yourself as fool’s gold when you have a 24-karat heart and life buried within begging to be discovered and explored.

Be prepared, however; the exploration of your inherent worth leads to a way where forgiveness and grace will be necessary to both give and receive. It will inspire improvement and intrinsic motivation to be and become. Inherent worth is best realized with a change of heart toward God, self, and others … in that order.

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Women: Recommended Reading

Janet Cronstedt and J. M. Emmert co-authored Going to the Well, a modern parable set against the Bible story of the Samaritan Woman at Jacob’s Well. Explore the many issues of self-worth and inherent value through this easy reading message that will ring true especially for women. Men, if you care about your wife or daughter, then read this to better know how to be a man for the women in your life.

Powerful insights and understanding found in Going to the Well can lead to healing and recovery from the many plagues of low self-esteem and worth. You can’t afford to keep living the way you are. Go to the well in order to become well, whole, and worthy.

From the Mind of Mel Kauffman (used with permission) in response to this On-Purpose Minute

Shyness

Great message Kevin,

One of the siblings of low self-esteem is shyness. I am attaching a writing called Shyness No More. There are so many hidden messages in this tiny paragraph.

So many parents mention that they have a child who is shy. Not true. No child is born shy or with low self-esteem. Shyness was added by inappropriate parenting. No two siblings are treated with the same parenting.

To me, the best method of shyness recovery is to consciously stretch your zone of comfort.

No book that I have ever read has explained the source of low self-esteem and a simple way to eliminate it.

Pass it along,

Mel

Shyness No More

I believe that shyness is a habit. Shyness is not in your DNA. Shyness is not in your genes. Scientists have not been able to isolate one shyness molecule. Being shy is instilled. A newborn in the nursery is not shy. The newborn will do what it needs or wants to do without shyness or hesitation. Soon when the newborn becomes a small child a parent will utter, “My child is shy.” The parent will utter these words in front of their child. How sad. All of us seek attention. Soon the child will realize it is getting more attention by being shy, then the child becomes shyer. How sad. When the child becomes an adult it seldom speaks. Speaking becomes emotionally painful. Anais Nin wrote, and then the day came when the risk of remaining tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote Conversations with God, penned these words: life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So in order to have more life a person must enlarge their comfort zone. One way for your zone to have a larger circumference is to be pushed. Mother eagle commanded her eaglet, “Come to the edge.” The eaglet said, “I am afraid.” Mother eagle admonishes, “Come to the edge.” The eaglet once again said, “I am afraid.” She pushed. The eaglet soared! Wouldn’t it be delightful to soar out of your shyness into a world that is waiting for your words? Ralph Waldo Emerson had another suggestion: do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain. William Shakespeare over 400 years ago gave us this thought: act the part and you become it. Shyness recovery is a decision. When you reach the age of self-reliance, you will decide.

Mel Kaufmann

(1921-2018)

19 Ways to Conquer Low Self Esteem

Above is an interesting article with a diversity of ideas and points of view on low self esteem sourced by Jordan Ring.

Have You Bought A Lie?

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Have You Bought a Lie? If so, it’s time to put it in the trash.

In the video portion of this On-Purpose Minute, I describe the “IABC” four types of lies we hold on to for all the wrong reasons.

  • Image
  • Attitude
  • Belief
  • Concept

Words are creative. Words come to life.

Many of us have had lying or hurtful words spoken into our lives in our innocence and/or in our adulthood. What we do next is up to us. Here are some tips to being whole.

Welcome truth, thirst for it, accept its pain, and embrace its liberation. In helping people to be on-purpose, I frequently come against seemingly irrational and obtuse behaviors from otherwise very accomplished and respected persons even in the face of contrary evidence. It’s their “old stuff” and patterns haunting their present and diminishing their future.

Why?

Words, more precisely lying or hurtful words, spoken into ourtruth lives by those closest to us or in whose care we depend strike hard on the soul. Lies falsely tarnish our self-image, attitude, behavior, or concept.

We pay dearly … for life unless we intervene. Holding on to the wounding is like tearing off a scab day after day and wondering why it doesn’t heal. The first offense is not of our making. The second offense, however, is all on us.

Forgiveness is the key.

Judith and I have an expression about forgiveness. “Forgive now and pray for sincerity to come later.” Forgiving someone who has hurt or offended you can be extraordinarily difficult, even painful, but it is the ONLY pathway I’ve found to MY recovery. It may or may not lead to reconciliation and recovery, but at least the injury stops hurting so much and with time, 99% recovery is possible.

Weighty Matters

Perhaps you think these self-deceptions or denial of damage are harmless? Hardly! They can literally have life and death consequences.

For example, within the health coaching team of On-Purpose Partners, we find the following kinds of Images, Attitudes, Beliefs, and Concepts can prevent clients from being qualified candidates for success in our program.

  • Image: I can’t imagine myself at a healthy weight anymore.
  • Attitude: I know what to do; I just don’t do it.
  • Beliefs: My family has always been big.
  • Concepts: I just don’t get enough exercise.

These mythologies of weight loss are factually inaccurate and crippling to us being in a healthier place. Even clients with the deepest desire to get healthy will scuttle their success unless and until they are aware of their personal mythology and clinging to old wounds that affect their well-being today. Coaching clients to health is more about their life experiences and views than it is our program. The program works, but will the client work the program?

You’ve seen the price of pain! Most of us are emotional abusers of some “drug of choice,” such as food, alcohol, smoking, drugs, shopping, or a host of other addictions. Think there isn’t pain? Ashley Madison had 36 million paid members who knowingly were seeking discreet affairs outside of marriage. Consider the trauma of a divorce, pain to the children, and the lawyers’ bills.

Lies are the words that keep on taking.

Lies we buy make it that much harder to sell our ideas, opportunities, and opinions. Lies steal from our livelihood and sap our worth. Lies corrode our productivity and undermine our careers.

Are you ready to uproot lies with greater truths? It begins by being open to living in truth. With truth comes greater freedom and abundance.

Do you have a coach or a health coach? Then share this On-Purpose Minute with them. Consider giving them permission to help you identify any lies or festering wounds. Ask them to help you work through forgiveness of the offending party, even if it is you.

Counselors and clergy are great sources of recovery. Clergy are especially versed in the area of forgiveness.

Do you need a coach? Certainly we offer life coaching to unburden your image001spirit and health coaching to relieve your joints and back from the physical burdens weighing on you. Contact Judith McCarthy for a free health coaching consultation so you, too, can get to your healthier place.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

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Pointer: I make reference to The Service Model™ in this On-Purpose Minute. Here is a link to review, purchase, and download a copy. Click Here for Your Copy.

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Look at the kid in the front row, fourth from the left! Yep, the one with the rolled-up pants (room to grow) and checkered jacket. That’s yours truly in Mrs. (Lois) Johnson’s Kindergarten in Bethel Park, PA! My guess is the photo was taken in 1960 and I’m five years old. I was one of the youngest kids in this class.

Mrs. Johnson Kindergarten

I was blessed with a very happy childhood. I don’t look really happy on the day of this photograph. Come to think of it, none of the boys look too thrilled to be this close to girls (yuck!) and under such tight control with our hands in our laps!

In reviewing my report card from those days, I read “Kevin is young and lacks confidence.” Fortunately, my parents decided to hold me back a year so I could grow in confidence. Yes, I repeated kindergarten! My parents’ wisdom set me on a more positive trajectory for life. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Odd that I still remember those words and that label “Kevin … lacks confidence.” It used to really bug me that I was a person who lacked confidence. As I’ve matured, I realize how wrong my understanding of that statement was. Mrs. Johnson was offering feedback to my parents so they could make informed decisions to remedy the matter rather than labeling me. I’m the one who mistakenly “owned” the label. Five- and six-year-old minds do things like that. Sadly, so do 25-, 35-, 45- … year-old minds, too!

Each of us lacks confidence at the start of anything new. Confidence can apply to a skill or aptitude but not to the very nature or soul of a person—that’s just too destructive.

Have you bought a lie that you lack confidence or some other such nonsense? Don’t!

Let’s rephrase the statement and shift your perspective. You just haven’t yet found the bedrock of your beliefs and faith upon which to grow in confidence! I promise you that this solid ground for the soul exists in you. Like innate leadership, you have a place where you are designed and destined to be confident. It is a birthright that you may need to claim (or reclaim). Keep looking!

Look into the eyes of that little boy on the first row then and today in the video. As a person, does he lack confidence today? I’ve been a speaker in arenas in front of thousands. I’ve been on TV and radio broadcasts throughout the USA and Canada. People without confidence don’t do that.

How Do You Build Your Confidence?

There’s the question I’m placing before you. I’ve found the readers of this blog are a bright bunch of people. Please share your insights, comments, or quotes in the Comments section below. Let’s help one another become more confident as leaders of our lives.

Quotes About Confidence

Readers of The On-Purpose Person and The On-Purpose Business Person know that I start each chapter with a quotation. For this post, I turned to my book of quotations about confidence specifically. These quotations will stimulate your thinking:

“I had no vision of the scope of what I would start. But I had confidence that as long as we did our work well and were good to our customers, there would be no limit to us.”

    Sam Walton, Founder of Walmart (1918–1992)

“To do anything in this world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in, and scramble through as well as we can.”

    Sydney Smith, Anglican Clergyman and writer (1771–1845)

“Fortunate is the person who has developed the self-control to steer a straight course toward his objective in life, without being swayed from his purpose by either commendation or condemnation.”

    Napoleon Hill, Author, Think and Grow Rich

“Calm self-confidence is as far from conceit as the desire to earn a decent living is remote from greed.”

    Channing Pollack, U.S. Magician and Hollywood Actor (1926–2006)

“Confidence is the feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.”

     Cicero, Roman philosopher, 1st Century B.C.

 

I leave you with one parting On-Purpose Proverb:

“Awareness of one’s lack of confidence indicates that your heart and your head are still talking. They just need to get the rest of the body moving so the next lesson can be learned more readily.”