Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Well-being

The Christmas Prayer

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Here’s the transcript of The Christmas Prayer:

Merry Christmas.

Christmas stands more profoundly relevant and uniting as ever.

Allow me to share a personal life-transforming Christmas story from some twenty or so years ago.

Our then young family was celebrating a holiday at the home of our friends Jen and John. In fact, there were several families, probably 30 people gathered indoors and scattered outdoors.

Various cooks were in the kitchen each prepping their contribution to the potluck feast. Used dishes, utensils, and pots and pans accumulated in the kitchen sink so I stationed myself there to scrub, clean, and rinse. Working with me was Jen, our host. With each newly cleaned item, I handed it to her to dry to be put back in use or put away. We were the Clean Team.

Jen and I often had deep conversations about faith, the meaning of life, the power of prayer, and so forth. While our hands were busy, our mouths were free to talk, and so we did. Our conversation centered around our lives before and after Christ — a Christmas Story of sorts.

Checking her watch, Jen said, “I’ve got a pet-sitting job to do. Come with me. The sink will be fine without us for 30 minutes. We HAVE TO KEEP this conversation going.”

Jumping into Jen’s black Suburban, we talked. Arriving at the welcoming pet’s house, Jen got the dog out and on a leash. Such a small pooch allowed for a leisurely walk and talk.

As we’re ambling along a concrete sidewalk, I came clean: “Jen, before I really knew who Jesus was, I was ‘a good guy.’ I never smoked, drank, or took any illegal drugs. I was never arrested. I treated people and animals with kindness. I was honest, hardworking, and educated. And I was generally happy.

“Let’s say I was 60% good guy and 40% bad guy. But, in that 40%, I could cuss up a storm. Things easily upset me, and I could get combative. I was impatient with slow drivers and always competing to win and ticked when I lost. I took things personally. And, frankly, I felt inadequate, fearful, and anxious.”

I continued sharing with Jen, “On February 14, 1986, Jesus dramatically went from my head to my heart and forever changed my life for the better. Far less cussing and far more patience. Now, let’s say I’m 90% good guy and 10% bad guy.

“But what I really did was take the 40% bad guy and condense it into the 10% of the space. I worked to edge out the bad. Instead, my frustrations, anger, and disappointment just got super concentrated and more explosive than ever.”

Jen listened and nodded for me to go on, “I gave that 10% of me a name: Evil Little Kevin.

“I’m good at concealing him, but he’s always there within me. And, when Evil Little Kevin comes out, he gets REAL ugly, REAL fast! I don’t like me when it happens. It’s exhausting holding him back.”

Jen’s eyes grew large at the thought. She then asked me a short question that forever changed my life. Who knows? Perhaps it will do the same for you.

She asked, “Kevin, have you ever thought of introducing Evil Little Kevin to Jesus?”

I stopped mid–dog walk, “No. It never dawned on me to do that.”

Jen’s next question dug even deeper into my spirit: “Is Evil Little Kevin the part of you which you keep from God?”

I stammered, “Yes.”

“Yes, it is!”

With a little dog scampering about our feet, Jen and I stood right there on that public sidewalk, joined hands, and prayed as I introduced Evil Little Kevin to Jesus.

As my carried and concealed darkness was cast out by the Light of the World, I immediately felt my spirit brighten. The Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords was on the case, which meant I could let Evil Little Kevin go. Jesus entered that part of my world.

What about you? I haven’t a clue what your “Evil Little Kevin” is up to in your life. But you do.

There isn’t a greater gift you can give yourself this Christmas than to introduce that withheld part of your life to Jesus. Join me by saying a simple prayer and insert your name instead of mine in Evil Little Kevin.

Let’s go!

“Jesus, meet Evil Little {Your Name} who needs to know you. Forgive me for not introducing you two sooner for I didn’t know it was possible. I cut myself free from Evil Little {Your Name}. To fill this void, I invite your joy to take its rightful place. By your sacrifice on the cross, please forever seal this Joy into my life. Amen!”

Evil Little Kevin isn’t a part of me anymore. However, he lurks nearby probing and prodding to regain standing in my life. When Evil Little Kevin worms his way back into my being, my responsibility is to reintroduce Evil Little Kevin to Jesus. It’s that basic.

On Christmas Day, we remember Jesus entering the world. Allow Him to enter into your life, for the first time or for the 489th time. Regardless, may you, too, experience the Peace and Joy of Christmas. In any season, that’s good news!

Merry Christmas!

Will You Be a Boom or Bust?

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The following text of this On-Purpose Business Minute is dedicated to Baby Boomers, but the video is applicable to anyone in, entering, or exiting the workforce.

Think of a Baby Boomer you know—he or she may be your parents or you.

Three big trends are converging to create an economic swirl of circumstances that will define their next twenty to thirty years.

  1. Baby Boomers are now hitting retirement age in record numbers.
  2. The world economy is unstable and so are many retirement and pension plans.
  3. Baby Boomers are retiring from jobs, but not from life, or the desire (need!) to keep earning.

Many Boomers will find themselves with

  • an empty nest
  • plenty of time on their hands
  • a desire to make a difference
  • a smaller retirement nest egg or pension than anticipated

Rather than heading for assisted living, they’ll be doing a “working retirement”—some by choice and others by necessity.

So what’s your plan for retirement?

Many of your friends may be saying, “I want to retire to Florida or Arizona to play golf, eat out, see movies, read books, relax, and visit my grandchildren.” Some of you may be thinking, “I’m interested in beginning my own business.” I hope so!

Perry James is a character appearing in both The On-Purpose Person and The On-Purpose Business Person. He’s a retired gentleman who provides mentoring and consulting services to a variety of small- and medium-sized business owners.

Perry is based on a dear friend and mentor of mine—Perry Nies, an MIT graduate with a Harvard Business School MBA, and retired business executive and owner. When I was in my early thirties Perry engineered me through some true business challenges. To this day we remain friends and are connected through church. At over 90 years of age Perry is an engaged and vital contributor who still consults and is involved in ministries. He’s also a role model for many Boomers of how to have an On-Purpose retirement.

 

The Baby Boom began in 1945. Today, the wave of Baby Boomers is being presented with a remarkable opportunity to dream and plan their “retirement.” Many will become “retired professionally” but seek to keep an active hand and mind in the affairs of business and life. I know for a fact that the Millennial and Gen X Generations need their wisdom, experience, and skills. I’m at the tail end of the Baby Boom and I value their counsel.

What if the most on-purpose years of your career are just around the corner … and you never make the turn because you hadn’t planned on it?

This blog post is simply my way of putting the challenge before the retiring Baby Boomers—keep Booming (and blooming).

  • Plan new businesses
  • Outline books you’ve always wanted to write
  • Offer your talent
  • Be a mentor
  • Stay connected
  • Think ahead
  • Develop your business plan now not later

Once they’re out of the flow of activity, most never return because they’ve fallen behind and the effort to get back up to speed is overwhelming.

Avoid getting caught short at retirement without a life and work plan. Without one, you’re likely to become a Baby Buster instead of a Baby Boomer.

To Do: Begin writing what your future could be. Download the Discovery Guide to help you get started.

Analysis of vintage cars representing economic outcomes.

Are You An Explorer?

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Age doesn’t matter when it comes to developing the attitude of being an explorer.

Adventure is most often associated with youth. Let’s not, however, confuse inexperience with adventure. To be an explorer of life is to see life as an adventure versus a chore or time served on the planet. I know adventurers who are 9 and those who are in their 90s. The choice is yours.


Cultivating a spirit of curiosity about the world is a noble endeavor, but don’t forget yourself.

The better you know who you are the richer that journey beyond you will be and become. The ultimate exploration is to know oneself because in the process of that journey you’ll face some very challenging ordeals (Hey, it’s an adventure!) that will clarify your thinking and provoke your beliefs. To understand your design, you’ll look into the mind and heart of the Designer. Wow!

“We must develop a compelling vision of later life: one that does not assume a trajectory of decline after fifty, but one that recognizes it as a time of change, growth, and new learning, a time when our courage gives us hope.”

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot
Author: The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure

 

“We are here to be excited from youth to old age, to have an insatiable curiosity about the world. Aldous Huxley once said that to carry the spirit of the child into old age is the secret of genius. And I buy that.

“We are also here to genuinely, humbly, and sincerely help others by practicing a friendly attitude. And every person is born for a purpose. Everyone has a God-given potential, in essence, built into them. And if we are to realize life to its fullest, we must realize that potential.”

Norman Vincent Peale
Protestant pastor, Author, The Power of Positive ThinkingCrazy_grandpa

This photo to the right is not Norman Vincent Peale. It is Mr. Six of Six Flags. I want to meet him! Dig the shoes! Watch him in action! (He’s actually an actor, not a real old guy but you get the point about the attitude.)

The aging process is inevitable.

How we age, however, is significantly within our control. Just because you might be part of an “aging population,” such as the Baby Boomers, it doesn’t mean that you are

  • over the hill
  • washed up
  • kaput
  • done for

Heck, you’re finally better equipped than ever.

Keith Lawrence is the co-author of Your Retirement Quest. Keith has been researching and advising those approaching and in retirement. Why wait to get started until you are retired or in assisted living to begin your Retirement Quest? Discover your Retirement Quest today regardless of what decade of life you are in.

Just about every day, I visit my Mom who is in her early 90s. This affords me the honor to meet her friends, many of whom are well into their 90s. One woman just turned 105 and looks like she is 75. I learn a lot from being with this Greatest Generation in this independent living facility. They’re an interested lot who read, discuss, debate, and embrace life. One observation I’ve had about this vital group—they aren’t the grumpy old people so often portrayed. They’re vibrant, interested, and interesting. As Peale recommends, they’ve carried a youthful curiosity into their advanced years.

Begin by discovering who you really are. Retirement age is not mandated by an employer or the government; it comes when we decide to stop discovering who we really are and what we are capable of achieving even to our death bed.

Those who never tire of learning, never retire.

Do You Want to Grow into Maturity?

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What does it mean to be a grownup, to mature, or to assume adult behavior?

Sadly, far too many adult women and men haven’t a clue what it means to act, live, and be an adult. The process of growing into maturity eludes them.

We men, in particular, seem slow to grow into the responsibilities of manhood. It has less to do with the physiology of aging and more to do with psychology and social norms. Matters like avoidance of responsibilities and lack of clarity around modern male roles complicate it and make it that much easier to put off being a man.maturity is

Perhaps the story of Peter Pan is too taken to heart and we’ve decided to “Never Grow Up.”

Women suffer from lack of maturity as well. My mother is in a retirement living situation where the women outnumber the men probably 3 to 1. When I speak with the female staff about many of the senior women, they tell tales of a new man arriving on the scene and it is like junior high girls bickering and posturing.

What a loss!

We can’t really be a very fully engaged on-purpose player when we’re living below our maturity level.

When our identity is tied to something other than our purpose, we’re subject to the whims of the world or the mercurial nature of other people’s opinions about us.

Maturity, like anything worthwhile, begins with a decision to grow up.

Yes, it takes practice, often a mentor or coach, and the desire to keep at it. And work and emotional management! Practice does pay off. The rewards of maturity are to live into the life designed for us and to make a greater contribution with our life.

Seek out a mentor, life coach, or counselor with whom you can create a structured relationship for personal leadership growth and development. This intentional approach and relationship provide the benefits of accountability, fresh perspective, and experience.

On-Purpose Partners can help with On-Purpose Peace through Do-It-Yourself (DIY) or Do-It-Right (DIR) with one of our coaches.

If you want to learn something new, then invest in becoming a more mature and capable person.

Take one step toward being more responsible for yourself. Then another step, then another. Soon you’ll discover that growing up isn’t such a big deal if you take care of the small deals along the way.

On-Purpose Tip: The process within The On-Purpose Person provides a methodology to better answer some of Life’s Great Questions about our identity and place in the world. If you don’t know who you are, then you’ll likely overcompensate by living life either too small or too large. The posing can become a preoccupation instead of being about your true occupation.

Stop wasting your years! Decide to grow up.

Why Am I Fearful?

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Does fear interfere with your life, business, or career?

What’s your fear? What are you fearful of? Where in your life do you say, “I am afraid of … ,” yet you know it is a hang-up—not a danger to your life or limb?

Would you like to be at a place where you can say, “I am not afraid” … and mean it? Read on!

Fear, like pain, is partially designed to be our friend, not our foe.

  • Fear keeps us from being in harm’s way.
  • Fear protects us from injury, peril, and even death.
  • Fear provides for self-preservation.

This is our good or helpful fear.

Bad or harmful fear debilitates our inherent motivation and destroys our confidence. The ripple effects beyond oneself can damage relationships, opportunities, jobs, finances, and more.

  • Fear can be an occupying foe taking up unjust strongholds in our spirit, mind, and body.
  • Fear can lead to anxiety that spawns a panic attack that triggers the fight or flight reaction.

This fear is unhealthy in every aspect.

Fear is not to be necessarily avoided; it is, however, to be understood.

Fear is a God-given guidepost to growth and healing. Facing fear, however, is not a solitary endeavor. Be wise and seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist skilled in working you through your fear in a progressive manner.

Why bother?

If you’re locked in unhealthy fears, your aspirations and dreams are muted.

When fear prevails it is hard to be on-purpose.

Are Your Excuses Getting Old?

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Listen to what you say about yourself!

Stop using your age, for example, as an excuse that prevents you from becoming and doing what is on-purpose or what is most important in your life. Age is a fact. It comes with certain physical realities—even some limitations—but why give it greater permission than it deserves to control the well-being of your life?

You get to choose your attitude about age.

BABY BOOMER & GEN X ALERT: Do not read unless you are prepared to face reality.

MILLENNIALS: Scroll down

Judith, my wife, and I offer health coaching services that help clients create a healthier, on-purpose lifestyle. Being overweight contributes to many diseases and conditions such as type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Too many of our pre-clients subscribe to the “getting old” excuse to “rationalize” unhealthy choices versus accepting responsibility and actually doing something about it.

We can’t turn back the hands of time, but we don’t need to speed up the biological clock either.

The onset of aging is inevitable, even desirable considering the alternative. Edward Bulwer-Lytton‘s quotation about aging captures the essence of the choices about growing older: “It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.”

Are You Maturing or Just Getting Old? is the title of a prior On-Purpose Minute. In it, viewers were confronted with a choice to mature or simply grow old. In a slightly different twist, I pose the question again: Are you resigned to your condition or will you accept responsibility?

Frankly, your “old age” excuses are getting old.

Avoid letting the measure of life be your years on the planet. It matters not whether we’re talking your health, career, attitude, finances, or whatever. You are in greater control than your age is. Don’t let hardening of your attitude be your downfall when you can harken new possibilities into being. Embrace the changing dynamics and adventures that come with time. Rather than running from them, run to them.

When chronology defines you, then the impersonal march of time becomes your master. Instead, reject the “I’m getting old” excuse and toss out the devil of your premature personal demise on his big fat red tail.

Stop willingly accepting age as an excuse for infirmities of many makings. It is one thing to age gracefully, quite another to employ it as a rationale for self-inflicted infirmities of the mind, body, and spirit. Age is a measure of a life in years, not a life sentence.

Let’s Retire Retirement

The age of retirement, even the concept of “the age of retirement,” is an artificial construct by the government or a company. Admittedly, for many it is a very important finish line in a long and productive career. And that’s all it is!

  • How might your thinking be different if the age of retirement were 80 years old instead of 65?
  • What if you had to be 70+ instead of 50+ to get an AARP or AMAC card?
  • Would you take better care of yourself?
  • Would you dream different dreams?
  • Would you invest your time differently?

Did you know that the two highest risks of mortality are birth and retirement? So, you got past the first one. Now what’s your thinking about the second highest risk factor? After traditional retirement there begins an 18-month time frame of high mortality for workers. There’s a profound link between health and the loss of feeling needed or useful.

What benefits are there to succumb to these artificial ages and deadlines?

You—the independent thinker and aspiring leader—have you bought into the cultural norm and fallen prey to the group think?

Resist the lies surrounding the age of retirement as being life-defining and health-declining. Yes, circumstances and conditions change, but your spirit and purpose are forever.

Millennial Alert, Too!

Age is not just an excuse of the senior citizens; it influences youth as well.

Excuses such as “I’m too young for anyone to take me seriously,” or “Hey, you’re only young once, so I might as well get drunk tonight,” are self-deceiving ploys often unwittingly designed to put off the inevitable maturation process of becoming a man or woman of fine character.

The “age of the heart” is timeless.

Baby boomer, Millennial, or Gen X: Choose to carry a youthful spirit, attitude, perspective, and activity in your heart regardless of the condition of your physical shell. Choose to mature into wisdom, leadership, grace, empathy, service, compassion, and well-being. That choice comes at any age. We’re blessed with the Great Generation because those who remain generally personify positive and productive choice. Think that’s a clue?

Purpose is a matter of the heart.

Explore your heart’s condition and you’ll more likely embrace the depth of your being and discover just how miraculously and wonderfully made you are and can be. You’ll also live a longer, healthier, and more meaningful life. There’s a reason why I autograph my books with “Be On-Purpose!” I want to remind you to be who you truly are and the best version of you possible.

Give yourself the gift of a joyful life by rejecting your old excuses and choose to be on-purpose.

Update: This On-Purpose Minute originally aired in March of 2011.

At that time I did start working out with Anne on the stadium steps at our local high school and got back into great shape. The point is that while age and aging is a reality—if we’re using age as an excuse—we must stop and take a hard look whether we’re painting with too broad of a brush. Stop using age, any age, as an excuse and be real about what’s really going on.

Update 2: Anne was home recently and invited me to go run the stadium steps. Game on! It had been some time, but I did 2 sets of stadium steps, felt my leg burns, and discovered what I already knew: I still have it … but not nearly as much of it! : ) I need to get back in better shape.