On-Purpose®

Are You Making Half-Hearted Attempts?

March 29, 2016 By kwmccarthy

Seven years ago, the decision to quietly add Health Coaching to our services at On-Purpose Partners was made, and it has been eye-opening for our traditional On-Purpose^® coaching work with clients. The difference is the “BS Factor” is so much easier to detect with health coaching — either the client is gaining health or not. It is literally right out front and easily measured.

The scales don’t lie, but we do. Recently, one of our clients shared that he came to realize he would look in the mirror and see himself as thin. At 6′ 2″ and over 340 pounds — and NOT playing in the NFL — he was deceiving himself. Therefore, with high integrity, he could “lie” to others about his growing health problems because he didn’t “really” have one. Denial is dangerous to our health and well-being.

I was just as guilty gambling with my health! For too many years, I would look in the mirror and see all the “muscles” I had gained over the years. Who was I fooling? Today, I’m soooo thankful for my health that I can’t NOT share good health with others. Ah, the making of a zealot!

I still battle with a tendency to eat unhealthy because I, like so many of us, find that food = comfort, legal pleasure, and “control.” Sweets, especially carbs in the forms of ice cream, chocolate, candy, and bread are my old coping mechanisms. I can’t afford to be half-hearted about my health.

Half-hearted attempts reflect delayed decisions and unproductive rationales.

“I’ll get around to being healthy.”
“That hot fudge sundae won’t kill me.”
“If I don’t call that client today …”

God gave us a whole heart so why make half-hearted attempts with it? Your purpose is symbolized by your heart.

Here’s the essence of the problem: when we don’t know who we are, why we exist, where we are going with our lives, and what’s important, then we’re not right with ourselves.

This being out of personal integrity stirs unhealthy emotions. The vast majority of us “drug” ourselves to dull the pain. My drug of choice is sweets. For others it may be alcohol, shopping, gambling, exercise, drugs (legal and illegal), sexual activities, gaming, sports, and so forth. Running from ourselves only gets us lost further from where we started.

The result: we’re half-hearted, too busy, and spread too thin even as the spread is widening between who we are and who we’ve become.

Get in touch with your identity via your purpose, especially. Invest the time to also clarify your vision, mission, and values. You’ll be prepared to be more fully engaged in your life. When you better know who you are, you’ll discover half-hearted attempts are episodes in your life, but they no longer define your life. You are literally a better person!

When you more regularly have the benefit of whole-hearted living, then half-hearted attempts are seen for what they are — a waste. Either make a decision to go for it or not. Dithering is destructive to body, mind, and spirit. Choose your battles to win.

Show Up

I’m low on the shrewd scale. I too often take what people say at face value. It wasn’t until we had the health coaching business that I realized how much people say that they will do but don’t actually do it. Many are highly regarded colleagues, thought leaders, coaches, leaders, and professionals. It has been eye-opening for me to come to terms that it is about 50/50 between the dos and don’ts on commitments.

A friend taught us an expression years ago that Judith and I still use today. Here it is: “Mr. Say am here. Mr. Do ain’t showed up.” There it is in a nutshell! We’re overworked, stressed, getting fatter, and whatever other pennies we earn, we pay in pounds packed on the waist. When we don’t show up, the weight gain shows up.

Personally: Are you making half-hearted attempts to get healthy?

If a health coach forwarded this message to you then ask him or her for their help. Learn how easy it is to get healthy when you have a professional health coach guiding you. And then make the commitment whole-heartedly.
If you need a Health Coach, then email me and I’ll get you a free 30-minute consultation with one of our Certified Health Coaches.

At work: Are you frustrated with your half-hearted work?

Do you dream of starting a business where you can give meaningful and profitable expression to who you are?
Please email me to set up a time to visit so you can be more fully engaged in your life and work.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

To Realize the Best, Define What is the Best.

June 24, 2014 By kwmccarthy

Robert C. McCarthy, my father, died peacefully Sunday morning June 22, 2014. He was 89. He’s shown here with my mom and me.

This tribute written back in 2005 captures the spirit of the man and my sincere love and appreciation for him.

March 29, 2005—We sat at the 18th tee box at Isleworth Country Club. My dad and I watched the small parade of the best players in the world of professional golf compete in the Tavistock Cup. Tiger Woods and Annika Sorenstam were teeing it up, as were greats like Sergio Garcia, Ernie Els, Mark O’Meara, and Nick Faldo and others. To be the best in the world—what an amazing accomplishment!

My parents have been avid golfers most of my life. At 80 years of age, my father has had two knee replacements and is the caregiver for my mom. On June 24, 2002, she underwent a hip replacement expecting to improve her golf game and lifestyle. Unfortunately, she suffered a stroke during surgery. It meant her last golf stroke was made the day before. She plays vicariously by watching televised golf. My dad hardly plays anymore.

We hobbled slowly around the golf course, picking our spots, and waiting for the five teams to come to us. Eventually, we perched ourselves in the stands at the 18th tee, a mere ten yards away from the click of the drive on this dogleg right bending around a pristine lake rimmed with ancient cypress trees. When the last foursome of golf gods had pounded their drives out of sight we began our labored walk up the 18th fairway to the shuttle bus pick-up area.

Our walk on the 18th fairway is etched in my mind. As he had most of the day, Dad placed his right hand on my left shoulder to steady himself against the fairway slope breaking toward the lake. The last foursome of golfing greats and their throng of on-lookers had walked the same turf minutes earlier. Now left in their afterglow, it was quietly ours. A yellow-shirted marshal seemed to sense the special moment and joined our labored stroll and chatted. In parting he said to my dad, “You take care of that boy of yours.”

Before Dad uttered a word, I honored him, “My dad has been taking good care of me my entire life. It is my turn.” Dad knows firsthand the humility, grace, and joy of being a caregiver. In caring for Mom, he has learned to receive. And so it is my honor to serve them both.

It was a day invested wisely. It had little to do with the game of golf and everything about the game of life. I still feel his hand pressing his weight upon my shoulder leaning and trusting upon me for support. Set amid the posh wealth of Isleworth Country Club, the beauty of the Central Florida weather, and the glamour of the golf stars were a father and a son just being together for a day. Our twosome was a non-event in the world of golf, but not in my life.

For me, the best player on today’s course never held a golf club in his hand this day. Instead, he leaned on the shoulder of a grateful son. Life is not defined by what the world might hold as dear, but by realizing the best is with those whom we hold dear.

The On-Purpose® Pal

September 15, 2012 By kwmccarthy

Meet The On-Purpose^® Pal! He’s here to help you better differentiate purpose, vision, mission, and values.

Regardless of whether you are writing a purpose, vision, or mission statement(s) for your life or your business, having a clear understanding of each of these essential words and related concepts is likely the difference between being just good or truly great.

Life begins at your purpose. It is the heart of your heart. When your heart, head, and hands are aligned (in that order) within your values, then you are on-purpose. There is an order and relationship here that provides structural integrity.

Confusion around the very meaning of these words creates a muddled strategy. Unclear thinking undermines confidence and performance.

Yet few people or organizations really give the meaning of these core words of strategy a passing thought. What a costly mistake!

In organizations, imagine the bewilderment when each word carries different meaning to each person. Is it any wonder why a team can’t get on the same page?

By the way, on the personal side, you are not a purpose-driven person. You are a called person. Called by your purpose which is inherent to who you are. Think of purpose as your spiritual DNA. It just is! Therefore, your purpose is not dependent upon externals for value or validation. Are you getting a sense for the internal strength found in knowing your 2-word purpose statement?

Your natural desire to make a difference is really your purpose wanting to come into expression. This longing of the heart works to inform your mind and move you into action so your purpose comes to fruition. Your values guide your course for right and wrong while you are being and doing life (or work).

Attaching each strategic word/concept to a tangible body part makes the words take on a visceral and very real power. Regardless of whether your heart longs, breaks or sings, what’s happening is a meaningful matter. That’s because purpose lives at the heart of the heart. It is at the core of your identity.

If your head hurts, chances are you’re confused and conflicted and don’t have a clear vision for where you are headed. When you don’t know what to do, your mission is messed up. When your stomach turns, then your values are being compromised. Your body is talking if you’re listening. Pay attention!

“What should I do with my life?” Here is a mission or hands and feet question seeking an actionable answer. It is actually a surface question, however. Dig a bit deeper and the odds are high you may have a vision and/or purpose matter that precedes the mission question.

Values are essential governors of right and wrong. Violate your values and you gag and your stomach turns. This gut reaction is your body telling you you’ve made a bad decision.

Purpose, vision, mission, and values are meant to provide inner strength from above. Yet the incorrect use of these words rots the root of our growth and results in the challenges of modern life. Align your heart, head, and hands (and feet) within your highest values and you are On-Purpose! Get these concepts clearly articulated and you have given yourself a huge strategic advantage in life, business, or other endeavors.

Want to learn more? Click each cover to buy the book.

Do You Want The On-Purpose Person For Free?

April 24, 2012 By kwmccarthy

Download The On-Purpose Person for free in Kindle: go to http://www.oppkindle.com. Starting today through April 28, you can get the unabridged book for nothing. Don't have a Kindle device? No problem, use the link above to download free Kindle reader software for your Mac, PC, phone, or iPad!

Once you have your own free Kindle edition, please share the message of being on-purpose with others on your Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or other social media and email lists. Thanks for helping the planet to be on-purpose!

Soul searching begins with sole searching.

April 18, 2012 By kwmccarthy

“Who am I?” is one of the most profound questions you will ever seek to answer. Much of our identity is erroneously formed by others’ opinions of us and shaped by experiences that reinforce and refine our sense of self.

Yet, the true answer to the question is found from above and within. It takes quiet time and solitude. Oddly, being contemplative is harder than it looks—I’m so programmed to equate action with productivity that rest feels like I’m playing hooky from life.

Being alone is not the same as solitude. When I’m alone I can fill the emptiness with television, email, web surfing, reading, or any number of business related activities ill-intended to avoid confronting the real me.

Soul searching is a time of resting in God’s presence, listening for His voice, and seeking His will. Jesus taught that the Kingdom of God is within and we are to seek it first. Yet, most of us pursue fame and fortune “out there in the real world.” Eventually, even precious Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz discovered, “There’s no place like home.”

And when my sole searching leads me to my soul, indeed I have found the kingdom of God. I’m home where God intends me instead of where the world might like me to be.

The present problems you face may be the face you present.

March 28, 2012 By kwmccarthy

The CEO of a company in Houston, TX engaged me to do an On-Purpose program at her headquarters. Fifteen executives gathered around the conference room table.

The COO was a woman named Barb. Early in the program she caught my eye. She had this look! My interpretation of “the look” was a mix of anger and confusion. What had I done to deserve this wrath? It was disturbing my concentration.

As a presenter I tend to home in on certain people as barometers of the group to see if I’m connecting. Barb had grabbed my attention. Could I win her over in the early minutes of a program that was scheduled to go all morning?

After 30 minutes of “the look” from her… I couldn’t take it any longer. I gingerly confronted Barb. I asked, “Have I said something that offended you?”

“No, I’m loving this on-purpose stuff!”

“Oh!” I was perplexed. “The way you were looking at me I thought you were upset with me.”

She laughed and her beauty truly showed. “This” and she pointed to her face while giving me the look “is my thinking face.”

A gasp erupted in the room from 14 other people and me. In that moment, we had all gleaned the same insight. The only problem was Barb had been working there for three years with these people. They all thought she was upset with them, too, but for years.

Barb now explains to people she meets that she has a “thinking face.” You can only imagine what a difference this has made in Barb’s life.

The present problems you face may be the face you present. Do you or someone you know have a “thinking face” that may be keeping you from being on-purpose?

“A ‘Balanced’ Life” a Poem on Life by Kevin W. McCarthy

July 25, 2011 By kwmccarthy

A "Balanced" Life

A balanced life is what I sought,

Only to have a life that was not.

My battle for balance was constantly fought,

Yet, time and again I found myself caught.

I planned, I managed, I strove to obtain.

With burnout, frustration, and a worn out brain.

Time I did “manage” with feelings distraught,

Where the harder I tried, the less I got.

A balanced life captured my thought.

Advice and coaching I often sought.

So coaches and counselors I did retain

To inspire, encourage, and help me retrain.

I listened and learned and did as I ought,

Yet my sense of my self continued to rot.

Day after day I did not obtain,

A life in balance – I could not sustain.

Daily my Father saw my deep pain,

Finally, he asked of my earnest campaign.

I told of the experts and advice I had bought.

He listened long. Then, I asked what he thought.

“A balanced life you will not obtain.

It’s an illusion sure to drive you insane.”

About the balanced life I so anxiously sought.

In essence he said, “All is for naught.”

Could my experts’ advice be words all in vain!

Dad’s contrary words were too simple and plain.

Defensive and righteous, I took a pot shot,

“If not balance, what else have you got?”

He answered, “A balanced life is what you’ve sought.

Instead, try this one simple thought:

Live your life integrated. It will go as it ought.”

A different perspective my Father had brought.

Intrigued and delighted his words fell as rain,

To my parched soul truly going insane.

How do I integrate? How do I maintain?

Were questions resounding deep in my brain.

“In the beginning, when you were begotten

A purpose was given, you’ve long since forgotten.

Search your heart and all its terrain.

Your purpose lies dormant, yet steadfast and fain.

“Ignoring your purpose causes work with strain.

Why worry about balance if it isn’t germane!

Align to your purpose, live as you ought.

Listen, my love, to the words that I’ve taught.”

His words were startling, and hard to contain

For Balance, my idol, he had just slain.

No more was my stomach tied tight in a knot.

For a balanced life I no longer sought.

In the heart of my heart I had learned a lot

Of ordering life on Dad’s integrating thought.

Gone were failings and feelings distraught

Where the harder I tried, the less I got.

I’m sparked by my purpose so simple and plain.

Integration, not balance, now keeps me so sane.

The gift of hope in my heart does remain.

For being on-purpose I can surely sustain.

On-Purpose®

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