Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Travel

How Do I Combat Fear?

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Look at this list of fears. How many of them grip you?

Be sure to read the FEAR acronym later in this post; it’s not the “False Evidence Appearing Real” one—but that’s good too. Read on and learn how to combat fear.

  • Fear of public speaking
  • Fear of starting a business
  • Fear of being seen for who I really am
  • Fear of intimacy or closeness
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of making cold calls
  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of abandonmentfear
  • Fear of relationships
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of spiders
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of big words
  • Fear of death
  • Fear of loneliness
  • Fear of flying
  • Fear of snakes
  • Fear of people
  • Fear of a secret being revealed
  • Fear of risk
  • Fear of looking stupid
  • Fear of looking smart

The point of this partial list of fears is that fear exists.

Fear itself can be very real and dangerous.

When it comes to some fear, it is often simply a (mis)perception of reality. Fear is a normal and healthy part of life. Yes, healthy! For every fear I have, there is someone who isn’t phased in the least by the same fear. What is the difference?

Overcoming fear is a process, not necessarily an event.

It may require ongoing, progressive exposures or opportunities to face it. Here’s my quick acronym for overcoming fear.

  • F = Face it. You have a choice: flee fear or face fear. If you flee from fear, you are guaranteed a loss. If you face your fear, then you have a chance to grow and learn—a winning outcome.
  • E = Enter in. Having faced your fear, now take the first step toward what frightens you. And then take one more step beyond where you are comfortable. More, if possible.
  • A = Assess progress. What did you learn about your phobia, yourself, your perspective, your preconceived notions, your attitude, your experience, and whatever else you can glean as a positive step in growth? Even a setback holds a lesson, but you need to go into it with the understanding that it is an experiment in learning and growth.
  • R = Recalibrate. Picture your fear on a scale from 1–10. As a result of Face–Enter–Assess, what measurable—if any—improvement, growth, or learning have you experienced? Now, go back and recalibrate your fear scale.

What are your specific benefits of playing it safe rather than facing your fears?

Fear will keep you from being on-purpose. Follow the FEAR Approach and keep making progress … on-purpose.

Step 1: Face It: A Simple How-to Guide to Combat Fear

FIT 4 LEADING

Click on the cover to learn more.

In FIT 4 Leading, the “F” in FIT stands for Fear. Fear is but one of the four greatest obstacles to success faced by leaders. Several years ago, I conducted a study of small business and solo owners. Over 22% of the respondents indicated that fear is their greatest obstacle to success. So you’re not alone in your fears, but this is one place where you don’t want comfort in numbers.

Fear is an educator when we’re willing to lean into it and allow it to teach us. One strategy I suggest to help you overcome your fear(s) is the use of a coach or mentor. They come to your fear with a different experience and set of senses.

A coach can help you:

  1. Break down what’s really going on within your fear and pinpoint a more precise “definition” of your fear.
  2. Help you to see and quantify where and what your fear is costing you.
  3. Devise strategies and a plan for facing your fear in small manageable steps.
  4. Provide accountability to see that you follow through on your plan.
  5. Process your experiences of facing your fears and lessons to be learned.

Fear is an enemy of the soul and success.

Like any enemy, it can be identified, named, and defeated. But make no mistake that you’re going into combat and you want to be armed and not alone. Fear, however bad it may seem, points the way to personal growth and development.

Fear Quotes

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

To lead is difficult when you’re a follower of fear.

T.A. Sachs

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Anonymous

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. 

Anonymous

If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all thinking, damages his personality and makes him a landlord to a ghost.

Lloyd Douglas

Customer Service Laughs

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We all have our travel war stories.  I just had to add my most recent experiences to the "I wonder what they are thinking" file.

Wireless Wonders
OK, so I check into the Phoenician Resort in Scottsdale, AZ for a convention. My wife and I just traveled way too many hours thanks to a thunderstorm over the Atlanta airport that had us missing our connecting flight and the next flight because it was already overbooked.  I go to power up my laptop to handle a few items while my wife is taking a bath before we crash for the night.

I'm greeted by a screen that informs me internet connections are $12.95 per 24 hour period or $3.95 per hour.   Let's face it – when Hampton Inn can give you free wireless access, why is a five star resort gouging its patrons by making wireless internet service a profit center?   Frankly, I was ticked off about it.  Here I was stuck for four days at this beautiful resort and I couldn't shake the feeling I was being raked over the coals.  At least they didn't have a meter on the water for the shower and bath tub.

Thinking there might be some sort of group rate or discount available, I called the front desk and asked if there was a group rate for wireless service.  "No," the woman told me.   Admittedly, I vented my frustration when I said, "Gee, Hampton Inn gives you free wireless; you would think the Phoenician would have this service for free."  Her response was priceless:  "Sir, we're a five star resort not a Hampton Inn."

The message I got was if you can't afford the car, then don't complain about the price of gasoline.  So come on Phoenician, get into the 21st Century of basic services for guests. 

Great place to stay otherwise!

Delayed Thinking
So we're heading home from the trip to Phoenix.  Delta Airlines calls my cell phone around noon Eastern time to say our connecting flight from Cincinnati to Orlando is delayed from 8:15 PM to 10:00 PM.  I'm impressed. 

We arrive at Cincinnati to find the 10:00 flight time is still the mark.  About fifteen minutes before boarding we're informed that the flight departure is now delayed to 11:30!  So with a 1 hour and 49 minute flight that puts us home at 1:30 am.  Thankfully, we've adjusted somewhat to the three-hour time difference in Phoenix. 

What few of us in the airport realized was the food court and all shops closed at 9:00 on this Sunday evening.  That meant you had about 200 souls and two vending machines tucked behind the food court half a concourse away.  Now Delta had only about ten hours to make other arrangements for the plane, but they bet they could get this one on the ground fixed.  About 10:30 someone from Delta threw a flat of water and some biscuit cookies and peanuts on the counter and announced, "Come and get it."

Judith and I were fine sitting there.  It was the families with all the little kids heading to Disney World for whom I felt true compassion. 

Fortunately, when we got on the plane, the flight attendant, Peter, had a plan.   A free movie and headsets for everyone. He did a great job of apologizing to the passengers.   The movie was 17 Again.  You aren't going to believe this, but the plane landed just before the movie ended.  So if anyone knows how the movie ended… email me!

It gets funnier…

Bathroom Humor
We land in Orlando just past 1:30 AM.  Judith and I head to the baggage claim to get our bags.   The Orlando airport is empty except for passengers from our flight and another from Atlanta.   They place all of us at carousel 30.   About this time, nature is calling me so I head to the bathroom for an on-purpose pee.  I see it has one of those bright orange cones in front and a cleaning cart.   I walk in and a woman is cleaning the men's room.   She scolds me for coming in and tells me to leave.  I comply. 

I walk half a concourse to another men's room.   It is closed with a barricade.   I walk back up to baggage claim 30 hoping the attendant is finished.   She's standing in front of the entrance blocking people from going in.  Get this… a male attendant is standing in front of the women's bathroom entrance blocking women from going in. Do you think they could have switched?  

So here you have about 400 people all waiting for the bags with the only two bathrooms within 500 yards being blocked by staff of the opposite sex from the bathroom they are cleaning.   Could they have switched bathrooms?  No!  Could they have accommodated the only two flights left to come into the airport at now 2 AM?  No!  My Spanish is not good otherwise I might have argued the point.  What were they thinking?

I just had to laugh… fortunately not hard enough to wet my pants.

Be On-Purpose!

Kevin