Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Stress

Are You Owning Your Mistakes?

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Mistakes are inevitable, yet the fixation on perfection in our society is debilitating.

Whether it be lawmakers, bakers, payroll makers, or homemakers, the fear of making a mistake can flatten one’s life into a “safe zone” of mediocrity. Risks and loss are inevitable when one ventures into life or work with a sense of wonder and discovery. You are better off to have a mistake than to miss-a-take at what could be.

It is a mistake to view mistakes as merely mistakes.

Instead, mistakes can lead to retakes and become invaluable guideposts to life and growth of one’s personal growth and leadership. Mistakes open doors to learning or blaze new pathways that might otherwise go undiscovered.

  • “Mistakes” enabled Thomas Edison to discover 9,999 ways a light bulb couldn’t work. And in the process, he developed a reliable means of tracking research and increasing his knowledge of elements.
  • “Mistakes” created the Post-It® Note. “Mistakes” often open doors to new frontiers of thought, use, and development.

Just Say It!

“Yes, that’s my mistake.” These are the four magic words that when said sincerely are your path to a healthier and happier life without the stress and strain imposed by the pride of perfection and the need to be right. It will take practice and some hard swallowing, but you’ll be amazed at how much simpler life becomes.

Problem ownership is your best chance to open the door to mercy, grace, and forgiveness. The risk of owning up has a downside of consequences, but it also has the upside of building trust and rapport. In practical terms, when the mistake is out in the open versus covered-up, a solution or fix will happen sooner and with less cost.

Take Your Mistakes Like A Leader

When we make a mistake, our natural reaction is to be defensive. We retreat and distance ourselves from the mistake and then look to whom we can pass off the blame. Shedding responsibility for a mistake may momentarily soothe the psyche, but each pass of the buck creates a self-inflicted bite upon one’s soul.

Admittedly, most of us prefer to cover our mistakes under a blanket of embarrassment, shame, or self-pity. Stopping dead in our tracks at our mistakes to point fingers at people, circumstances, and systems invites a bitter and negative stronghold to enter our emotional and spiritual system. We’re stuck in a self-imposed unhealthy manner of living that taints every aspect of our lives. Now that’s a tragic and true mistake!

Compounding our initial mistake with another more sinister mistake knits a habit of ill-fitted denial into the fabric of our lives.

Do this too often and we live in a straitjacket of fear of failure and bitter close-minded defensiveness. In time, the fear of exposure arrests our maturity and so we become the very thing we fear most—a dull and ordinary blank slate of a person with no distinguishing quality. We live small (which is different from living humbly). Repeating these actions and circumstances reinforces a debilitating pattern and fuels a vicious cycle of defeat.

Lincoln memorial cent, with the S mintmark of ...Image via Wikipedia

A Penny For Your Thoughts

Life need not be this way. Instead, what if mistakes are friends in the form of hard lessons? They’re not roadblocks, per se, but guideposts revealing a better way to navigate life. Mistakes can help us know who we are and what we’re called to be about with our special gift of time on the planet.

Mistakes are an odd currency of redemption. Their true value comes with a cost in the form of a workout where we have to face ourselves. Throwing “good money after bad” is viscerally upsetting. We’ve been given an intellectual and spiritual capacity to rise higher and dig even deeper to strengthen our condition regardless of the proposed outcome. It only requires us to admit our mistake and gain the clarity and opportunity to set things right—stronger and better than before in some cases.

Wisdom is often the byproduct of mistakes, provided we invest in processing the lessons to be learned. Here’s where a mentor or coach can help us reflect and grow. If you’re seeking that mentor or coach, perhaps we can help you?

How Do I Simplify My Life?

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Have you reached the point where you’ve said, “Something has to change! I can’t go on living like this!”? You want to simplify your life, but then you mindlessly keep filling your schedule and piling up the work at home and on the job.

Life in the fast lane requires a vehicle designed to go fast. To do otherwise is simply gambling with one’s life. You may feel blessed with the desire to run in the fast lane. But you’ve also been blessed with the wisdom to know that level of activity can’t be sustained long-term without negative consequences.

No research studies here to reference, but my gut tells me many of us are looking to simplify life with the hopes that decluttering will offer stress relief, healthier living, and a more peaceful existence. We’re running so hard and so fast, that if we ease off the accelerator of our lives for a minute, we’re apt to discover we’re lost and without direction.

We begin asking basic and solid life questions such as:

  • “What does it really mean to be me?”
  • “How do I find direction in my life?”
  • “Who am I really?”
  • “How do I simplify my life?”

The desire to simplify our lives and the act of actually doing it are easily postponed. When a car needs maintenance, a dashboard light flashes on and we take it to the repair shop or dealer. When we need maintenance, we experience headaches, stress, grumpiness, and worse. Hypertension, adrenal fatigue, weight gain, and other risky decisions keep us flying down the highway of life in ill-maintained bodies. What do we do? We pop a pill to kill the pain or turn off the indicator.

Are you at risk of running yourself into the ground at a frenzied, unhealthy pace?

“Clutter equals postponed decisions.” That’s what my friend Barbara Hemphill, author of the Taming The Paper Tiger series and professional organizer extraordinaire, says about all the stuff surrounding us. In essence, Barbara’s telling us that physical clutter is a reflection of a life of indecision.

In the On-Purpose Approach, clutter is speedily and readily managed with the Want List and Tournament process. Download the free preview to the Discovery Guide. Use this simple process to sort and set priorities. In just about 10 minutes, your brain will be better organized, your spirit more settled, and you’ll move forward more productively. Use this tool every day with your Two Do lists or anytime you’ve got a project and can’t figure out where to start.

Let me offer a different perspective for you.

What if the demands, stresses, and strains of our modern society are actually blessings that refine and sharpen us to be more of who we are and are called to be? That means you are, in fact, an on-purpose person in creation. Perhaps this current crisis is really a conspiracy of compassion designed to bring you to your knees … for prayer and prayer alone. If so, count it all joy that you have hit your low point and can only look upward.

BONUS Video: Watch Michael W. Smith’s song Open the Eyes of My Heart. This worship song has long been a favorite of mine. If you’re in a dark place today or simply need to be uplifted, let the words of this song sink deep into your spirit.

Ambition. At What Price?

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Click on text for more information about the On-Purpose Small Business Package

The desire to make a positive difference is the sweet, soulful heart of ambition. In contrast is blind ambition that tramples all in its path to accomplish an end, perhaps even a noble end at that, which is fraught with unhealthy costs. Much of this rests on your view of people.  

Which will mark your life, career, and legacy?

Herein lies the rub for many a business person. To what lengths are you willing to go to realize your ambitions?

Results, especially in the form of company sales and profits, are outward and tangible measures of success. Measurable signs, however, tell just a portion of the story. If you want to know the full story, ask the people along the way who helped to produce the results.

Here’s a painful example. For 12 months spanning 2008 to 2009, I worked nearly full time with a CEO client to author a book that codified his corporate culture, leadership development moves, and business strategy for internal use. Intending for the company to go public via IPO, the book also targeted Wall Street analysts and investors so they could readily grasp what truly made this company great.

The IPO market at that time dried up with the challenges in the economy. Instead, the company was purchased by a national competitor for $130 million. By the CEO’s own admission, the book helped them get more than $15 million in greater value for shareholders over the IPO price, plus they kept their name, and the CEO was offered the position of President over the merged companies.

“Wow!” you may be thinking, “That CEO had to be a happy man.” You would think so. Eight months after delivery of the manuscript, a client satisfaction clause I wrote into the contract was used to deny issuing me an “earned” six-figure stock bonus despite personal assurances from the CEO to the contrary. My concern for my client’s satisfaction and best interests was used against me. Ouch! That hurts on so many levels.

Just because one can take advantage of another person, does that mean one should? Best-selling books on the art of war and being a prince would say go for it. But I say there’s nothing noble in selfishness and greed. True nobility is knowing one has the upper hand and using it to raise up the other person instead of jamming them down further.

The deeper value is seeing people as being above things. Translation: relationships are greater than transactions. Results with responsibilities and citizenship can coexist and produce true greatness.

For a couple of decades I’ve worked with my CEO clients to get them to stop saying things like, “Our people are our greatest asset.” Assets are bought and sold as in slavery. Relating people to assets dehumanizes them and places them on par with the photocopier. By the way, the investment in the photocopier maintenance agreement often far exceeds the equivalent “maintenance agreement” for the people in training, development, and benefits. How sad is that!

Along this same line, the term Human Resources certainly isn’t endearing and doesn’t advance the cause of people as human beings. Resources is just another name for commodities or assets that are traded, discarded, and otherwise moved about indiscriminately. The Human Resources Department is a blind co-conspirator in the loss of human identity and dignity. Instead, rename the department to something like, “People Development” or “Talent Management” but not “human resources.” It is degrading.

I hold no delusions of grandeur that either the perfect person or company graces the face of the planet. Self-serving serpents slither the planet preying on others. We are all capable of being this way, yet deep within our spirit we yearn to a higher self, call, and standard. We’re better to aspire and fail than to have no aspiration at all.

Gazing with admiration upon the shells of “successful” men and women may provide inspiration, but it tends to deliver little instruction. You know better. Get the true back story from the secretaries, bookkeepers, janitors, clerks, delivery persons, and cafeteria workers in corporate headquarters. Look at their personal life. Are their personal lives as captivating as their business headlines? You’ll soon discern whether the person capturing the headlines and your attention is gold-plated or 24 karat solid gold.

Do this: Whether you’re leading your life, a team, or a business, you need to decide: Ambition, at what price? Knowing your purpose and defining your values is a great start to building a life and a career where you can put your head to your pillow at night and sleep soundly.

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Here are some famous quotes about money for your consideration and amusement.

“Money makes the world go around.” $100 bill stack

From the song Money (Watch the performance!) in the Broadway play Cabaret sung by Liza Minnelli and Joel Grey.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.”

 1 Timothy 6

“A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.”

Jonathan Swift

“Get all you can [money], without hurting your soul, your body, or your neighbor. Save all you can, cutting off every needless expense. Give all you can.”

John Wesley

“With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well, too.”

Yiddish Proverb

Leaders: How Is Your View of People?

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In Chief Leadership Officer, you’ll be introduced to “The Complete Competence Model” which is the next generation of “The 3 Views of People” model shared in this On-Purpose Business Minute.

Click on the image to pre-order Chief Leadership Officer until June 30, 2016 and get bonus rewards.
Click on the image to pre-order Chief Leadership Officer until June 30, 2016 and get bonus rewards.

How Is Your View of People?

Your response reveals your preferred place for leading. It tends to reveal how you view others as being competent. Until we learn otherwise, many who lead teams will project their preferred perspective onto others. It is a subtle form of, Why can’t they be more like me? Setting yourself as the standard sets everyone else up to fail which undermines the business performance.

Each person is unique and can bring a measure of unique contribution to even the most routine of work.

For example, On-Purpose Partners ships books and products from the Winter Park, FL Post Office branch. At the counter is a postal clerk named James. He resembles the comedian Joe Piscopo. James is literally a stand-up clerk offering ongoing entertaining commentary and laughter all day long. He brings out the best in his peer counter clerks as the banter between them all keeps things moving along. By the way, when the other clerks have a problem it is James they turn to. He knows his post office stuff. Many a postmaster might try to make James conform to a more “professional” decorum. Instead, he makes the wait tolerable and the service more than acceptable.

There are 3 Views of People:

  1. Expert — aspires to technical proficiency and sees the world through tasks to be done
  2. Manager — organizes teams of people and sees the world through projects
  3. Leader — sets culture and sees the world through results

Purpose informs all three points of view. This is one of the many reasons why The On-Purpose Principle is the essential basis for unifying people.

Few of us fully reside in a single view. Rather we’re a blend of all. Knowing your dominant preference, however, provides insights to job satisfaction, performance, and even future advancement. 

This speaks to the nature of fit. As a business advisor for over 3 decades, I’ve come across all kinds of challenges in organizations. One of the best disguised is this problem of poor fit between a person’s view of people and their role and responsibilities on the job. It is an often overlooked dimension that can create disasters or delights.

Years ago when I worked at a company, I was part of the hiring process for a property manager. When I asked this woman what she thought was her weakness she bluntly stated, “I don’t like people.” I shared my concerns with the hiring manager who hired her anyway. She was a good property manager (technical), but wreaked havoc in the office relationships and with tenants (manager). She so fouled the workplace that no one wanted to work with or for her (leadership). Even vendors complained.

The Complete Competency Model isn’t just a makeover of the Peter Principle which states that people eventually rise to their highest level of incompetency. People view may be one of the underlying causes of poor job performance and fit.

When there’s good alignment or fit between the person and the work, people view melts away and can often be taken for granted. Like good health, when we have it we’re prone to forget about it. But once we’re sick or injured we so appreciate what we used to have.

After watching this On-Purpose Business Minute, assess your people view with your job fit. What you discover about yourself could be very enlightening and rewarding to your long-term health, job satisfaction, and earning capacity. Coming to terms with this, however, may be another matter all together.

Having worked with business leaders and CEOs over my career, I’ve seen firsthand the price that is paid by a person and an organization when there is a clash of people view and the requirements of a job. Because my work is most often in the C-Suite, I’m especially alarmed when I find a “leader” who is really put off or bothered by people. They may be respected experts in their field, but they have little to no aptitude for leading and managing. That’s fine, but why have them lead? (When I raise this matter, it often gets tenderly complicated for me, the business advisor, when the misfit is the managing director, owner, or CEO of the enterprise. In some cases, however, this brings a sense of relief for the person because they better understand who they are and we can develop a plan of improvement or a workaround.)

On the other hand, the best leaders love and care for people, are effective at managing, and have mastered tasks sufficiently to have paid their dues and risen through the ranks to have the respect of their reports. Ultimately, it is their people skills that create the separation from good to great leadership.

True leaders are culture creators by design, not by default. Typically, they’re not the go-to expert in various fields, disciplines, or technologies. Their currency comes in denominations of their presence, decisions, manner, and tone. They get people working together. Leaders press the flesh and are visible. This isn’t out of ceremonial duty, but from a genuine love and respect for the people who follow their lead. Leaders are often reflective and thoughtful, and they know how to set healthy boundaries to avoid burnout and bitterness for others and themselves.

CLO cover 1
Chief Leadership Officer will rock your leadership perspective for good! Click the cover to learn more.

Do yourself a favor and take today’s message to heart. Where are you? Where would you like to be? If you need help creating your culture so it is on-purpose, then email us to consider some On-Purpose Executive or Personal Coaching. 

May I Share Four Gifts With You?

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What is Peace? 

Please read the text below this On-Purpose Minute and Christmas Greeting. 

Here are your 4 Gifts:

Gift 1: The Gift of Finding True Peace

Gift 2: The On-Purpose Person Kindle Edition* for free (link below)

Gift 3: The On-Purpose Business Person Kindle Edition* for free (link below)

Gift 4: The Gift of Sharing These Gifts—Pass along this message!

    *BONUS: Link to download free Kindle Reader App for most any computer, tablet, or phone

Gift 1: The Gift of Finding True Peace

What is peace? And, who doesn't long for peace? But do we really understand what we're searching for? Peace is not an absence of conflict, work, distress, or stress. Peace is a state of being in spite of conflict, work, distress, and stress. 

In Hebrew the word Shalom (שָׁלוֹם) means peace or oneness, wholeness, or completeness. This oneness 800px-Shalomisn't to be found just within us. In fact, core peace is only found in a oneness with God. When we're apart from God, we're divided, alone, discontented, and unsettled. Peace apart from God is impossible.

Your 2-word purpose statement is your unique, loving connection to God. When you know your 2-word purpose statement you have the essential connector to God that is distinct to you. This added identity gives a depth and strength so we're more apt to be at peace even as all Hell is breaking loose around us.

Being On-Purpose is that state of being one with God—truly the peace that passes all understanding. Inner peace begins with being right with God.

My Christmas wish to you is that you embrace the Prince of Peace—the person of Jesus. Keeping God as a concept is easy. Jesus, however, is difficult because He is about a personal relationship. He brings us to a place of decision to accept or reject and that causes conflict, work, distress, and stress. So how can one who causes so much turmoil to the soul be the way to peace? The seeming irrationality of it all is confounding on its face. Think for a minute, however, and you'll see that it is the only logical way for us to come freely to a place and person of peace. Of course Jesus was hated and loved. His presence calls for a response.

My Gifts Toward Peace For You:

May I help you get on the journey to peace? From December 25—27 only, use the links below to download free Kindle editions of The On-Purpose Person (Gift 2) and The On-Purpose Business Person (Gift 3).

Gift 4 is the gift of sharing this offer of peace with family, friends, and associates. Please copy and pass along this link: https://kevinwmccarthy.com/my_weblog/2012/12/what-is-peace/


BONUS GIFT: Don't have a Kindle device? No problem! There are Kindle Reader Apps for PCs, Macs, iPhones, Androids, iPads, and more. Use this link: Kindle Reader Apps For Most Any Device



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