Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

learning

How Are You Building Your Confidence?

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Gaining confidence begins with a decision to become confident.

The lack of confidence can negatively influence every aspiration and aspect of your life and work. Personal leadership and personal confidence go hand in hand.

Avoid falling prey to the “Fake it until you make it” crowd who believe in building on lies at best and self-deception at worst. Being truthful about a matter where one isn’t experienced serves no one.

Confidence comes with experience and achievement, which can’t be faked.

Confidence, however, is speaking the truth about one’s experience and achievement and allowing the miracles of graciousness and kindness of others to accept you as you are rather than pretending to be someone you aren’t.

How are you gaining and building your confidence?

Please share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section. Thank you!

Are Your Leadership Skills Maturing or Just Growing Old?

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Are you maturing as a leader or just getting older?

The fear of being exposed for who we really are is likely the greatest fear gripping us and keeping us from realizing our leadership potential. This is especially true for those who bought into the lie of “fake it until you make it.”

Even a “successful” life built upon posing and lies lives in the shadow of discovery. Immaturity causes us to be afraid of what other people will think of us. This sophomoric pride keeps us from growing, improving, and Fearofexposuretesting ourselves at the next level.

On the other hand, none of us are perfect. In effect, we’re all goofballs at some level in some place at some time. So get over the pretenses of perfection and live into the real you. Being authentic is in the foundation of great leadership qualities.

So how good are your leadership skills and, importantly, your leadership attitudes?

Are you …

  • Learning (for a lifetime)?
  • Leading (your life so others want to follow you)?
  • Loving (unconditionally)?
  • Leaving (the world a better place)?

Many cite the absence of leaders today. Actually, we’re suffering from an absence of mature leaders stemming from the reality that we’re still trying to figure out what to do with ourselves when we grow up.

Certainly, there’s a benefit to having a childlike curiosity and faith. But let’s talk growing up here—stepping into adulthood with both feet firmly planted on the ground as a leader of one’s life who is growing in experience, wisdom, discernment, and judgment.

Our dearth of leaders may well reflect deeper challenges—the absence of mentors and the value of relationships over time. Accepting those rationales, however, are excuses. If you want to be a leader, you’ll find the mentors, experiences, and relationships that will grow you so you are learning, leading, loving, and leaving—the four attitudes of mature leaders.

At On-Purpose Partners we serve up heaping portions of maturity through our one-on-one On-Purpose Executive and Personal Coaching Programs. Is this your time to nakedly take your place in the front of the pack?

Are You Owning Your Mistakes?

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Mistakes are inevitable, yet the fixation on perfection in our society is debilitating.

Whether it be lawmakers, bakers, payroll makers, or homemakers, the fear of making a mistake can flatten one’s life into a “safe zone” of mediocrity. Risks and loss are inevitable when one ventures into life or work with a sense of wonder and discovery. You are better off to have a mistake than to miss-a-take at what could be.

It is a mistake to view mistakes as merely mistakes.

Instead, mistakes can lead to retakes and become invaluable guideposts to life and growth of one’s personal growth and leadership. Mistakes open doors to learning or blaze new pathways that might otherwise go undiscovered.

  • “Mistakes” enabled Thomas Edison to discover 9,999 ways a light bulb couldn’t work. And in the process, he developed a reliable means of tracking research and increasing his knowledge of elements.
  • “Mistakes” created the Post-It® Note. “Mistakes” often open doors to new frontiers of thought, use, and development.

Just Say It!

“Yes, that’s my mistake.” These are the four magic words that when said sincerely are your path to a healthier and happier life without the stress and strain imposed by the pride of perfection and the need to be right. It will take practice and some hard swallowing, but you’ll be amazed at how much simpler life becomes.

Problem ownership is your best chance to open the door to mercy, grace, and forgiveness. The risk of owning up has a downside of consequences, but it also has the upside of building trust and rapport. In practical terms, when the mistake is out in the open versus covered-up, a solution or fix will happen sooner and with less cost.

Take Your Mistakes Like A Leader

When we make a mistake, our natural reaction is to be defensive. We retreat and distance ourselves from the mistake and then look to whom we can pass off the blame. Shedding responsibility for a mistake may momentarily soothe the psyche, but each pass of the buck creates a self-inflicted bite upon one’s soul.

Admittedly, most of us prefer to cover our mistakes under a blanket of embarrassment, shame, or self-pity. Stopping dead in our tracks at our mistakes to point fingers at people, circumstances, and systems invites a bitter and negative stronghold to enter our emotional and spiritual system. We’re stuck in a self-imposed unhealthy manner of living that taints every aspect of our lives. Now that’s a tragic and true mistake!

Compounding our initial mistake with another more sinister mistake knits a habit of ill-fitted denial into the fabric of our lives.

Do this too often and we live in a straitjacket of fear of failure and bitter close-minded defensiveness. In time, the fear of exposure arrests our maturity and so we become the very thing we fear most—a dull and ordinary blank slate of a person with no distinguishing quality. We live small (which is different from living humbly). Repeating these actions and circumstances reinforces a debilitating pattern and fuels a vicious cycle of defeat.

Lincoln memorial cent, with the S mintmark of ...Image via Wikipedia

A Penny For Your Thoughts

Life need not be this way. Instead, what if mistakes are friends in the form of hard lessons? They’re not roadblocks, per se, but guideposts revealing a better way to navigate life. Mistakes can help us know who we are and what we’re called to be about with our special gift of time on the planet.

Mistakes are an odd currency of redemption. Their true value comes with a cost in the form of a workout where we have to face ourselves. Throwing “good money after bad” is viscerally upsetting. We’ve been given an intellectual and spiritual capacity to rise higher and dig even deeper to strengthen our condition regardless of the proposed outcome. It only requires us to admit our mistake and gain the clarity and opportunity to set things right—stronger and better than before in some cases.

Wisdom is often the byproduct of mistakes, provided we invest in processing the lessons to be learned. Here’s where a mentor or coach can help us reflect and grow. If you’re seeking that mentor or coach, perhaps we can help you?

How Are You Learning to Be in Business?

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Most people in business really don’t know what they are doing when it comes to the business of business.

It doesn’t mean they aren’t successful. It means they generally aren’t as successful as they could be. In a moment of candor, most of us will tell you that we’re plowing into virgin territory regularly. And what we’re doing for continuing education is generally a hodgepodge from a variety of sources.

A great solution is to join a peer learning group. More on those later in this post.

If you own a business and you don’t understand the foundations of business, then you’re likely functioning at 50% or less of your potential. Where else can you get an ROI (return on investment) like that for such little effort and energy expended?

Learn to be a Business Person

Most management and business training tend to be job specific or skills related. Overlooked are the fundamental concepts of business, the free enterprise system, and basics of what is called “general management” and business leadership. It is expensive to learn the basics of business.

Most businesses are built by—as Michael Gerber, author of The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do About It, calls them—technicians who have an entrepreneurial seizure. They haven’t got a clue about being in business. Look no further than the professions of engineering, medicine, and law, for example, for really smart people who often don’t have a clue how to do business but are in business or own one. At least the professions have enough honesty to call them practices instead of businesses. : )

For years I’ve asked the question, “How did you learn how to do business?” The typical response is “School of Hard Knocks.” In other words, trial and error is the teacher—a cruel one at that. Check out the results of this small study I conducted with attendees of a previous webinar. (click on it to see a full-size version)

How Did You Learn to Do Business A small percentage of people have undergraduate business degrees or an MBA.

Candidly, as a man with both an undergraduate business degree (BS from Lehigh University) and an MBA (University of Virginia Darden Graduate School of Business Administration), I’ll confess my college degrees prepared me with concepts, tools, language, and business context. They didn’t, however, turn me into a businessman. Degrees accelerate learning but they don’t make the person quite like being on the job does. We can’t avoid the School of Hard Knocks, but we can be prepared to learn the lessons faster, smarter, and less hard.

Becoming a Better Business Person

What are some of the ways to improve as a business person?

  1. Business consultants are an effective means for business improvement. Match a consultant’s strengths to your weaknesses and your business will prosper. Use consultants to set-up, fix, and refine systems where you lack the expertise or time to learn. This is especially helpful for those one-time set-ups such as an accounting system, putting up a website, or succession planning.
  2. Executive and business coaching are ways to improve as a business person on the job. Having someone come alongside and “teach you to fish” is important.
  3. Peer business owners outside and inside your industry. Generally, these are casual meetings where you learn from one another. Golf is often played!
  4. Associations often provide industry-specific training and resources. Tap into your association and see what they have to offer. Another great source is your Chamber of Commerce or local business development center. They often provide very reasonably priced training with local experts.
  5. Read books on business and leadership: Shameless plOP Book covers stretchedug coming … Read The On-Purpose Business Person and The On-Purpose Person. Together they lay the groundwork for leading a business and leading your life.
  6. Peer Learning to the rescue: One of the most overlooked programs for business training is non-competitive, facilitated, peer learning groups. In Napoleon Hill’s classic book Think and Grow Rich, he introduces the business idea of mastermind groups. These are generally self-managed versus having third-party facilitators who prepare the agenda and lead the group. Peer learning groups are also called business roundtables or CEO groups. The power of having peer learning grows your learning exponentially because the groups typically involve business training, reading business books, special learning programs, or technologies. In other words, they combine all the ways we learn plus the many benefits I’ve outlined in this On-Purpose Business Minute.

Here are some recommended resources for peer learning groups:

  • CEO: Colleagues of Executive Online: John Smith, the founder of CEO, pioneered the concepts of business roundtables for Christians in 1989. In April of 1990, I joined one of John’s CEO groups. He’s been a mentor and friend ever since. John now offers virtual groups leveraging video conferencing. I’m a co-chair of a group with John.
  • Vistage International: I know several people who participate in, speak to, or chair Vistage groups. Generally, Vistage members are running businesses with a minimum of ten or more employees. Dave Zerfoss in Charlotte, NC, is a personal friend and top-notch chair. Connect with him directly if this interests you.
  • C12: I know Buck Jacobs, the founder of C12, as well as many members and chairs. C12 is designed for the Christian business person. In Orlando, connect with Kevin Respress.
  • Peerspectives Roundtables: Peerspectives is both a group as well as a specific technique developed by the Edward Lowe Foundation. The Peerspectives technique provides a structured approach to problem-solving and sharing. A friend of mine, Steve Quello, uses this approach in Florida.
  • Christian Roundtable Groups are sponsored by Truth@Work and are designed for solo owner or SOHO operators.
  • The Advisory Board has been around for decades. I don’t have personal experience or relationships there but given its long-standing presence, I have to believe they offer excellent value and opportunity to grow.

So there’s my short list of recommendations for bolstering your business skills, concepts, and relationships. If you are serious about growing your business to the next level, then run, don’t walk to find yourself a peer learning group.

What is the Future of Learning?

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Today's On-Purpose Minute is different for me. I'm sharing this message plus adding my comments below. It is longer than normal, but I thought it an investment worth taking for yourself and those whom you mentor or would like to mentor you.

EVERYONE is a short film by my colleague Nic Askew. He continues his series of intellectually stimulating and visually engaging film topics. I so appreciate his work on getting to the soul of important matters. My comments follow, along with more information on Nic and Mimi Ito Fisher.

In this short video below Mimi Ito of Connected Learning presents a compelling vision of the future of education with technology as well as a gentle indictment of the current educational system and structure. She's pointing the way to my 1998 prediction of the Age of Purpose and Meaning—the age beyond the Information Age—a time where relationships will be the currency of greatest open value.


Purpose will be your strategic advantage in the future, but not a strategic weapon to lord over others. Truly, every person is equal in that we each have a purpose in life. The quality and contribution of that expression of purpose adds value on various dimensions and value to society.

In a world awash with opportunity, the power of knowing who you are will make all the difference in your capacity and ability to make a difference.On-Purpose Logo tag w color 500 For decades now, I've been encouraging my readers to "Explore Your Possibilities." Today, the capacity to do that is richly available via the Internet, peer learning, and mentorship. 

Judith and I are a part of a learning and serving collaboration as Health Coaches under the guidance and support of Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen. Yes, we offer health coaching services to clients and help them gain health. But as coaches, it can be one of the richest of places to learn, mature, and gain free mentorship. Truly, we're learning and earning while caring for and being ourselves, prospering ourselves and others, and guiding others to do the same. It is an amazing experience and a large part of why I'm involved. Admittedly, health coaching isn't for everyone, but for those who have compassion for people carrying burdens, have a genuine interest in health, and are willing to learn and work, it is life-giving and meaningful work.

It is, after all, hard to be on-purpose if one is unhealthy. Our health reveals our life. We wear our worries on our faces. We carry our cares in our heart. We suckle ourselves with touch and nourishment. Our gut reveals our violations of that we hold dear. Clarity or cloudiness of mind is tied to our vision.

So why settle for a sense of purpose when you can know your purpose? Goldplate or 24 karat gold—you choose. You'll learn by trial and error and you'll learn from mentors, but why not learn from mentors more often. The professors in The School of Hard Knocks are harsh.

What To Do About Your Future

  1. Circulate in your areas of interest for mentors. I remember coaching Little League baseball and try-outs. The engaged kids always stood out to the managers making the picks. Your carriage and your sincere attitude matter. Put yourself where your heart is.
  2. Explore Your Possibilities by going deeply into things. Be curious. Search the web for information, and also search for people to follow.
  3. Read different points of view. Be respectful and gracious on blogs, forums, and places where you post. Hiding rudely behind an online avatar may feel safe, smug, and secure, but rudeness is a matter of the heart. You're not hurting anyone but yourself by being an ass, if it is covered.
  4. Ask questions about things you're curious about. Get to know people. Learn to develop a structured conversation where you're going deeper than the typical cocktail party idle chatter. Check out my daughter Anne's iLifeChat website. She is young and the concept is young, but it is so sound.
  5. Be healthy. Less than optimal health is a compromised mind, body, spirit, and soul. Reclaiming health takes time, but it can be done. Yes, losing weight will get your body healthier, but expect the mind and spirit to follow. Good health also saves money for you and your health care plan.
  6. Facebook friends and likes are not real friends and real likes. Real friends and real likes are available, face-to-face, over the phone, holding hands, hugging, and soul bearing buddies. I know you. You don't have enough of those kinds of people in your life. Trolling the surface of life on social media may offer comforting distraction from the real desire, but it's a placebo for on-purpose pals.

Learning of the future begins by learning about you. Your purpose, vision, mission, and values will enrich and inform your life. Perhaps this video and my comments have done the same for you.

Be On-Purpose!
Kevin

 

About Nic and Mimi

EVERYONE from Nic Askew on Vimeo — You'll find more of Nic's videos there.

 

Mimi Ito's weblog: http://www.itofisher.com/mito/

 

Connected Learning and Mimi Ito