Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

Health

Do You Want More Balance in Your Life?

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Be sure to check out the free offer to download Kevin’s poem: A “Balanced” Life at the end of this post!

It seems that everyone wants more balance.

People want:

  • A higher checking account balance
  • A perfectly balanced body
  • A balanced diet

So doesn’t it make sense that one would ask, How do I find balance in my life? A balanced life flows logically and seems so attuned with the natural order. Life coaches, executive coaches, self-help gurus, counselors, and therapists galore teach the overwhelming benefits of having your life in balance. Being well intended doesn’t replace being well thought out about such a central concept of personal and leadership development.

Work–life balance is in high demand.

But do you have a true definition or image in your mind’s eye for what constitutes a proper work–life balance definition? Experience tells me that most people love the idea of work–life balance, and they’re seeking and investing in tips and techniques all too regularly but not getting the results they want. Let me save you some time!

Do not seek balance in your life. It will misdirect, confuse, and frustrate you. It doesn’t work, period. Instead, integrate your life with your purpose being the point of integration.

“So why, Kevin,” you may ask, “are you such a contrarian?” No, I didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’ve studied, observed, and thought about this concept of living a balanced life for decades.

Balance is a physical concept that cannot adequately grasp or reconcile with spiritual realities.

Balance falls far short, yet it remains the popular culture ideal of enlightened living. In fact, it is hogwash!

A life in balance is a myth.

It is one of those feel good, happy distractions that just doesn’t work. People who are busy balancing their lives often miss it because they’re so busy thinking they have to have their life together before they can go forward. Not true! Another myth!

Doing life is learning life. Sitting on the sidelines waiting for the perfect moment of balance and harmonious happiness is wishful thinking, at best, and wasteful thinking most of the time.

Others will claim to be so busy, overworked, and stressed that they believe more balance will finally bring them the peace, comfort, and security they’re working so hard to achieve. Wrong! Today’s On-Purpose Minute points out the folly of that line of thinking.

In another On-Purpose Minute titled “Do You Want A Balanced Life?” I invite you to really consider what you are seeking. Below, you’ll find a link to download my poem titled A “Balanced” Life.

My hope is that you’ll find that striving for balance is a frustrating folly not worth the effort.

I’ve played the “balance your life game” in the past. No more!

Today when someone says “I want more balance in my life,” I actually hear an absurd statement. You might as well say, “I’m hoping to walk to the edge of the earth one day and be able to look over it to see what’s there.” No Virginia, the world is not flat.

The concept of balance in your life is equally flawed thinking despite being so broadly accepted.

So allow me to release you from the relentless pursuit of a vaporous standard that’s impossible to grasp yet seems so easily within reach. Why live in the unhealthy definition of stress, which is what pursuing a life of balance creates?

Instead of wanting more balance in your life, seek to integrate your life around your purpose, then live into your purpose, i.e. being on-purpose. This isn’t semantics; this is a seismic truth that provides order, focus, and clarity—and, thankfully, a healthy dose of “being out of balance.” You’ll learn to live with the joyful intensity where being “off balance” doesn’t matter and being true to yourself and more on-purpose does matter.

Replace your tiring, old concept of balance in life.

Change your “ideal” and you’ll transform your life for the better as you integrate your life rather than balance it.

To download my poem A “Balanced” Life, go to our shopping cart to get your free copy.

Do You Have a Compelling Why?

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“The compelling why” is not the same as your “why” — your true reason for being.

The concept of a compelling why is really just an important mission that captures our heart and spurs us on with unfolding energy, vigor, and determination. But missions eventually end. At that point, does it mean our reason for being ends too? Of course not!

On-Purpose Peace FE cover
Find What You’ve Been Looking For. Click the Book Cover to Learn More.

Getting on the bandwagon for a good cause is worthy.

But what if there’s more to life than a compelling why?

In today’s On-Purpose Minute, consider the importance of knowing your simple why and the profound manner in which it can inform your life, keep you from costly distractions or dangerous detours, and help you make much better decisions across the board.

Your why can be thought of as the pilot flame. A meaningful cause or a “compelling why” brings added fuel and focus to a fire already burning within you.

Think of your simple why as your purpose in life.

Purpose answers the big question, Why do I exist? When you know the answer to this question, everything else in life has context and meaning. This is a powerful and healthier place to be in your life and decision-making.

At On-Purpose Partners, we help clients write their why in 2-word purpose statements. From decades of experience we know that when this core question is answered short and sweet, life and business improves—period.

A “compelling why” is often batted about by motivational speakers, sales trainers, and leaders to engage people in their cause or vision of the future.

Getting swept up in the moment or the movement regardless of whether it is a charitable cause, a sports team, or a political candidate is exciting and worthwhile. Most of us are drawn to a compelling why and jump on board because it is a good fit or it aligns with our purpose.

Examples of a “compelling why”—really a meaningful mission—are below:

  • A single mom working two jobs to provide a college education for her children
  • Mothers who from their loss of a loved one start MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) to educate and advocate against drunk driving and drivers
  • Volunteers who work to stop human trafficking, hunger, oppression, or other social needs

Worthy causes touch each person’s soul differently. Have you ever considered why one cause is meaningful and engaging to you … while others are not, yet someone else is on fire and passionate about the same cause? Personal experience and preference certainly play into the attraction, but there’s more below the surface.

Your why lives below the surface.

This is the On-Purpose Principle at work where the purpose of the person and the purpose of the organization have high alignment. Therefore, you’re more inclined to be engaged or compelled to participate with the preciousness of your time, talent, and resources.

Would you like help in discovering your 2-word Personal Purpose Statement?

Go to ONPURPOSE.me. On-Purpose.me logoThis online app will guide you through a process of selecting a purpose statement, plus you’ll receive a 10-email course that’s practical to being on-purpose.

Is Fear Avoidable?

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My research with over 850 small business owners reveals that 32% of the respondents say fear is their greatest obstacle to success.

So what is it with fear?

Can we avoid fear? How do we overcome fear? Is fear really, as the old acronym goes, False Evidence Appearing Real?

In this On-Purpose Business Minute, let’s address the question Is Fear Avoidable? After watching the video, read The 7 Most Common Fears Business Owners Face and what to do to conquer them.

The 7 Most Common Fears Business Owners Face

  1. Fear of rejection
  2. Fear of success
  3. Fear of failure
  4. Fear of exposure for who I really am
  5. Fear of looking stupid or incompetent
  6. Fear of what they will think of me
  7. Fear of making money and exploitation

Overcome your fears using the “For PETE’s Sake” Approach described in The On-Purpose Business Minute:

  • Perception
  • Emotion
  • TrainingFIT 4 LEADING
  • Experience

Many fears are unnatural but very real to us.

Generally, for every fear you have, someone probably makes a living from it. So what is it they have that you don’t? Oh, For PETE’s Sake, they don’t have a thing on you. They simply have an abundance of improved Perception, Emotion, Training, and Experience. Your fear is their joy! How remarkable is that?

Dig into this topic more by reading FIT 4 Leading. This is the least known of my books and part of the On-Purpose Leadership Series. At only $10 plus shipping this small but powerful book provides you with strategies to be a better leader of your life for the rest of your life. Use the link to the book to find a free, introductory webcast at our shopping cart or visit the website.

 

How Many Friends Do You Have?

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(This Classic On-Purpose Minute first aired in 2009. Where I say 2010, insert 2018. Start creating friendships today so your tomorrows can be richer.)

Are you hiding behind your avatar pretending to do life?

Who really knows you?

Despite the proliferation of social media, digital connections, and the means of communicating via FaceTime, Skype, text, phone, email, and a letter, do you truly have friendships?

Facebook friends are not the same as true friends. Hiding behind our Facebook profile has become an art form but not necessarily a form of friendship. These one-way communication postures allow us to talk but not be challenged.

I’ve often said that one of our greatest fears is the fear of being known for who we really are and what we’re really thinking.

These “unmentionable secrets” create strongholds of deception that undermine our confidence or cause us not to act. Confession is a sacramental exercise for good reason. It frees the soul to be right with God, self, and others.

When no one really knows us, we can be so lost and alone in the midst of our tribe. Adding more “friends” becomes an unfulfilling addiction in our search for identity, connection, and meaning.

Perhaps you aren’t even aware there is a different way.

  • Has the number of your connections become your measure of the meaning of your life?
  • Do popularity and followers define your worth and character?
  • Have the online hours spent building your network left you busily distracted, desperately lonely, and lacking? Is something still missing?

Consider this, however: a true friend knows what doesn’t get posted on social media or knows it before it gets posted.

Try an experiment this week: Make fewer new connections and have more conversations with a handful of people whom you love or truly would like to know better. Instead of focusing on your burgeoning network, try investing in going deeper with the relationships you do have.

Begin by writing down the names of 2 to 4 people whom you identify as worthy of becoming a better friend.

  • Call them and tell them what you’re up to in terms of deepening the friendship.
  • Get together with them.
  • Grab a cup of coffee; invest yourself in what’s happening in their life.
  • Learn to listen and ask the deeper, more penetrating questions.

Instead of staying on the surface of life and activities, discover what they learned, how they felt, what concerns them, what gives them joy, and so forth. Laugh, cry, reflect, and just do life together.

Challenge yourself to add at least one true confidant to your life over the coming weeks and months.

Your reward may be a lifelong friend.

When we have friends, we can be apart from people, but not alone. Keyboards can masterfully sustain and keep true friends connected through time and distances. Having friends to talk things through, to be in the flow of one another’s lives with context and concern—now that can make all the difference!

This classic On-Purpose® Minute invites you to take a hard look around and see who is truly there standing with you. As importantly, are you at risk of being off-purpose and there’s no one there beside you to call you to task because you’re caught in the swirl of social media?

Read a summary of the Duke University research here.

What Is the Meaning of Life?

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Did you make the choice today that your life is going to be meaningful? If so, please tell me about it in the comments area below. What do you anticipate the implications of your decision will be over the rest of your life?

 

“What is the meaning of life?”

Now there’s a tiny topic hardly worth pondering! The graphic and T-shirt design below by artist Aled Lewis (used with his permission)29_the_meaning_of_life_big may provide as good a sense of “clarity” on the topic as one can find.

Kidding aside, the value of asking, “What is the meaning of life?” may be less in the answer to one of life’s big questions, but more in the very act of the inquiry.

Asking this question is a positive sign that changes in life, ideally growth and maturity, are budding.

There’s an awareness that can lead to a new life with the potential to lead to a life of purpose and meaning. Engagement in a greater reality has begun.

Change is a part of life, but a change for life needs to be self-initiated—owned if you will. Those around may demand or encourage us by saying “Change your life,” but at the end of the day, it is our responsibility and challenge.

How you go about embracing growth is up to you.

For me, my big shift change happened when I attended a Bible study of the book of Romans back in the spring of 1985. Like many, I had been searching for meaning in life. As a true student of self-help literature, I was well read in the classic and contemporary self-help writers. At some point, however, it all started to sound like the same stuff simply rehashed from a different point of view.

I was not a Christian, but I was curious and willing to give that “old and irrelevant book” and the institution of the Church a chance. The Bible, I discovered, had a ring of authenticity about it that none of my self-help books had. There were no lightning strikes or trumpets sounding.

It was mostly an intellectual pursuit to better understand

  • Who am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • What should I do with my life?
  • Is life meaningful?

The Bible was different because here was core wisdom instead of just knowledge.

What is the meaning of life?

It doesn’t matter what I say. You have to find your answer for yourself. What I will tell you, however, is this: life is meaningful!

Start with this basic assumption and go forward.

Are You a Fathead?

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Dumb decisions come from dumb people or fatheads, right? Wrong!

We’re all subject to making poor choices.

Would you knowingly inflict brain damage on another person or yourself? Would you willingly diminish your brain capacity? Of course not! Hmmm, then again …

  • What if a particular series of your choices repeated over time is making you especially susceptible to being a fathead?
  • What if those choices were within your control and could help prevent you from the compound effect of one bad decision after another?
  • Would you be interested in learning how to improve your decision-making and to stop the waist?

At the risk of offending, this On-Purpose Minute challenges you to look down on yourself for the answer to the question, “Am I a fathead?”

Your waist size is a dead giveaway.

You’ll know immediately if you suffer from this condition while watching this video. 70% of the U.S. population is overweight or obese according to the Center for Disease Control.

This is the confession of a recovering “fathead.” In 2008, I lost 50 pounds and have kept it off since. Honestly, it has been a struggle. I discovered I was an emotional eater when I was really happy or really sad. Doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room, does it?

I found my right mind by working with Lori, my Health Coach. She gently spoke truth in love into my life and health. She provided me with a meal replacement plan plus regular food while helping me to become more mindful of what and how much I was consuming on a day-to-day basis.

You, too, can work with a Health Coach who can guide and support you in your decision to reboot your brain, bottom, and life. It is very affordable. I’m not talking about a personal trainer who will attempt to grind the pounds off you. Don’t do that! Exercise is great for toning and conditioning but lousy for weight loss. Nutrition is 600% more effective than exercise. The problem is you probably don’t really know how to create a safe, effective, portion-controlled menu for yourself.

If you have Health Coach, then really lean into what he or she has to say. Borrow Can't Out-Exercise a Bad Dietfrom their training, experience, and certification to regain your vitality, vim, and vigor.

Do you want to talk with a Health Coach? If so, I’ll make the arrangements for you. I have an affiliation with health coaches across the USA who will gladly clear your thinking. Email me for a recommendation. Each Health Coach will help your life, health, and style of living be more on-purpose.

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Some great weight loss/health quotes:
A waist is a terrible thing to mind. – Tom Wilson
The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. –  Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave
Never eat more than you can lift. – Miss Piggy

Are You Prepared To Truly Prosper?

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Let’s dig into the true meaning of the root of prosperous—the word “prosper.”

A dictionary is a wonderful record of history for the change in meaning of words 2618165_f520over time, especially as slang moves into everyday conversations. In the past decades we’ve seen in certain contexts that bad can mean good, and cool can mean hot, and sick is amazing.

Sadly, modern usage can twist and dilute the profound, deep meaning and roots of words. Prosper has suffered a measure of this cheapening of meaning, especially the mutual aspect or the healthy win–win part. 

To prosper evokes happiness as the founders of the USA intended and used the word. In writing about the inalienable rights of man, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, et al. saw happiness as a mutual raising of the human mind and spirit while also in service to uplifting the human condition.

In essence, to prosper is to be fully for oneself AND fully for others.

The Founders’ point of view was a win–win, rather than a narcissist’s zero-sum game of self-enriched winners at the expense of the “losers.”

What a wonderful ideal! In short, we’re each capable of being a hero instead of a heathen. Yes, it is a high bar, but what’s the alternative?

“You may have dollars in your pocket, but you will never prosper until you are at peace with yourself.”

The false notion that prosperity is purely financial sets us up for deep dissatisfaction. Prosperity is so much more than a bank account. It lives in our spirit and attitude and can trump our conditions.

Knowing your purpose empowers you to be more fully awakened and aware of who you are. This more intentional and healthier approach to life strengthens and emboldens you to live and lead in greater accord with the design of your life.

On-Purpose Logo tag w colorThe centerpiece of the tagline for On-Purpose® is the word Prosper. Within the On-Purpose Approach, each of us is invited to set our own standards for what it means to “Prosper.” This is why “Prosper” is preceded with “Be Yourself.”

To prosper means to succeed or thrive in a healthy way.

A “healthy way” translates into a measure of self-control, morality, and consciousness of the well-being of others. In other words, “to prosper” is a mutual objective rather than an individual enrichment.

My use of “Prosper” in the tagline may border on archaic but, please, let’s not let the rich inspiration and meaning of this important word get lost in time.

To prosper is good

  • for you
  • for me
  • for your neighbors
  • for your country
  • for the planet

Embrace the ideal of being a person who prospers.

As always, my hope and prayer is that you will be on-purpose and use the “tagline” to guide your personal leadership development and to guard your heart from the sin of self-importance while stretching into service.

If you want to make a difference with your life, the process is now before you about as simply stated as to be on-purpose.

May you truly prosper!

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“Peace as the foundation to a prosperous life.”OP Person and Peace covers

It is easy to say, but it may feel impossible to realize. Consider On-Purpose Peace, a small group study for Christians which can also be used individually or as a couple.

Are You Prepared To Lose To Gain?

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In today’s On-Purpose® Minute, let’s explore the gains to be found in loss! You might be surprised just how effective loss can be to our long-term benefit.

How do you deal with loss? What is loss?

Are you prepared to have loss in order to gain?

Locallygrown-produceCould it be that loss and—more importantly—learning how to deal with loss are simply as organic to life as the vegetable section at your local Whole Foods store?

In The On-Purpose Person, I reference fighters, floaters, fleers, and flitters as “styles” for dealing with stress and life. There, you’re encouraged to be a navigator, one who leads and manages through change rather than reacting to and being a victim of it. It takes an inherent calm and peace.

As a formerly ranked tennis player, when I have been in “the zone” on the court, I play without the stress and strain of forcing my play. Things just seem to click better. The secret to getting and staying in the zone to some degree is detaching from the usual expected outcome—to win the match.

The ability to play better comes from navigating the experience positively. It is hard to keep this “above the fray” mindset, but when one does, the body and mind are able to perform seemingly without effort.

In business, on the tennis court, or on the golf course, I’ve seen far too many talented people tighten up for fear of loss. This “choking” isn’t a personal failure; it is a growing experience if we allow it to be instructive versus destructive.

Oddly, loss is important to our health, well-being, and finances because it helps us to mature and grow.

Sailors on a ship may not be aware of the big picture or have the experience to place what is happening to the ship in a proper context. A ship’s captain, however, brings the capacity to navigate the shoals and shores safely even in a storm.

If you are learning—and we’re all life-long learners—then anticipate there are situations when you are a sailor and other times when you are a captain.

Learn from your losses, and your life passage will be calmer and more productive as you gain from each loss.