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Kevin W. McCarthy

The Professor of On-Purpose

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grief

Are You Prepared To Lose To Gain?

September 11, 2018 By kwmccarthy

In today’s On-Purpose® Minute, let’s explore the gains to be found in loss! You might be surprised just how effective loss can be to our long-term benefit.

How do you deal with loss? What is loss?

Are you prepared to have loss in order to gain?

Locallygrown-produceCould it be that loss and—more importantly—learning how to deal with loss are simply as organic to life as the vegetable section at your local Whole Foods store?

In The On-Purpose Person, I reference fighters, floaters, fleers, and flitters as “styles” for dealing with stress and life. There, you’re encouraged to be a navigator, one who leads and manages through change rather than reacting to and being a victim of it. It takes an inherent calm and peace.

As a formerly ranked tennis player, when I have been in “the zone” on the court, I play without the stress and strain of forcing my play. Things just seem to click better. The secret to getting and staying in the zone to some degree is detaching from the usual expected outcome—to win the match.

The ability to play better comes from navigating the experience positively. It is hard to keep this “above the fray” mindset, but when one does, the body and mind are able to perform seemingly without effort.

In business, on the tennis court, or on the golf course, I’ve seen far too many talented people tighten up for fear of loss. This “choking” isn’t a personal failure; it is a growing experience if we allow it to be instructive versus destructive.

Oddly, loss is important to our health, well-being, and finances because it helps us to mature and grow.

Sailors on a ship may not be aware of the big picture or have the experience to place what is happening to the ship in a proper context. A ship’s captain, however, brings the capacity to navigate the shoals and shores safely even in a storm.

If you are learning—and we’re all life-long learners—then anticipate there are situations when you are a sailor and other times when you are a captain.

Learn from your losses, and your life passage will be calmer and more productive as you gain from each loss.

How Do You Manage Disappointment?

December 19, 2017 By kwmccarthy

Disappointment is inevitable but it need not be debilitating.

How you manage it, however, is a choice with profound implications to your well-being, relationships, and opportunities. The easy route is to react negatively and stay there, but what good is that? You have a better choice.

I got to thinking about the word: disappointment.

It led me to this chain of words: disappointment > disappoint > point > appoint > appointment. The common word is “point” as in a mark or dot or direction. When we’re disappointed, the mark has been missed. It does, however, provide an opportunity for redirection.

What if disappointment is really intended to direct us to a greater appointment?

So when we stay in a negative place, aren’t we the ones who increase the price of the initial disappointment and risk missing where we’ve been appointed to shine?

(To see another use of “the point” you can watch this 9-minute video about the punctuation of your life. Is your life a question mark, period, or exclamation point? It is an excerpt from a keynote speaking engagement I did a few years ago.)

The holiday season sets high expectations, which can lead to great disappointment.

How do you turn that around?

As one year rolls into the next, take some time to refocus on-purpose.

  • Use the Discovery Guide Free Preview or Workbook
  • Invest time with On-Purpose Peace
  • Read Mel Kaufmann’s Christmas Collection (a free collection of inspiring thoughts)

I would love to hear your words of advice for getting unstuck when you find yourself disappointed with something important.

What works for you in managing disappointment? Share your thoughts in the comment box below. What you have to say may be the very words that help transform another person’s perspective. Now don’t disappoint me!  : )

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