Summary: Being the Reliable One can quietly devolve into a selling-out condition called bitterness. Beware of thin-skinned, testy, tough-hearted people. They’re often former Reliable Ones who lost their way. The On-Purpose Approach shows Reliable Ones how to do their heart work and become tender-hearted and thick-skinned while being authentic to their high character traits of service and dependability. Download A 3-Step Guide for Being On-Purpose®: Success without Selling Out.
Being known as The Reliable One is a noble character quality and often a mark of success. That is, until it crosses into a mental pit called bitterness.
When you’re the one who always comes through, people don’t just appreciate you… they lean on you. They assume you can handle it. They turn to you more often, engage you more frequently, and ask you to get even more done. You relish the responsibility and recognition of your capability and contribution.
You’ve likely heard the expression, “If you want to get something done, ask a busy person.” Here’s a twist for the Reliable Ones: If you want to get something done right, ask the Reliable One.
A Problematic Pattern of the Reliable One
The Reliable One label is complimentary, uplifting, and affirming. But left unchecked a quiet and problematic pattern of selling out emerges.
You know the game. People turn to you to “just do one more thing.” And before long, you’re carrying what was never yours to carry. The danger isn’t that you’re weak. Your kryptonite is that you’re good-hearted, able, and strong.
Now you’re carrying the lion’s share of the load. Others have offloaded their work and responsibilities on you. They go home to their pleasures while you stay late, toiling. The more you step up, the more they step back.
This pattern regularly occurs:
- Between siblings
- Between business partners
- Between spouses
- Between co-workers
- Between consultants and clients
Despite all the external accolades, on the inside you increasingly feel the weight. You brain never shuts off. Responsibility follows you everywhere. Your to-do list grows faster than you can check it off. Rest feels like a guilty luxury. Saying “no” feels like letting someone down. As the flood of needs keeps rising, you frantically patch the dam to keep everything from breaking.
Why You’re Susceptible
You are the Reliable One because of your deep desire to serve and deliver results without fanfare. This combination of humble productivity and predictability opens the door to being gradually used, even abused, by others.
It sneaks up on you until one day you ask the sell-out question: “How did I get here?”
You finally recognize that what brought you success is also what’s bringing you down. You feel foolish for being so naïve, for letting others take advantage of you. You’re exhausted, out of order, and fed up with others dumping their work on you while they merrily carry on with their lives while reaping the rewards of your diligence and effort.
And then the resentment begins.
They took advantage of you.
They rode on your back.
They took credit for your work.
They got the promotion.
Welcome to bitterness.
Bad News. Good News.
The bad news: you’re officially bitter.
Your need to feed your “success identity” as the one who gets stuff done right drained your well-being. Unbridled reliability may have built your “successful” career, business, or relationship—but it came at the price of actually enjoying your accomplishments.
Or worse, you hate that you’ve become a doormat for deadbeats.
There it is—the hidden cost of being a successful person with the superpower of reliability.
The good news: you can regain your dignity and your spark for life.
Having recognized this symptom of selling out, it’s time to own it. Don’t wallow in the blame game of what they did to you.
You did this to you. Swallow the bitter pill and let it pass through your system for what it is—psychological waste.
The Hidden Secret to Reclaiming Joy
Intellectually, you know your strength has become a weakness. But efforts to change your habits, environments, or relationships haven’t lasted.
In other words, you can change careers, spouses, bosses, and co-workers—but as a Reliable One, you’ll fall into the same selling-out pattern.
Take heart. Recovery isn’t about becoming less reliable, service-minded, or kind-hearted. Nor is it about doubling down—becoming an even more Reliable One to expose others’ deficiencies.
No. Don’t go there.
To turn bitter into better, focus on who you are—and who you are becoming. Learn to be the Reliable One for yourself. Put your remarkable superpower to work on making your own life make sense.
Help for Your Heart
Your outer work is merely a reflection of your inner work. When something is off in your outer life, the source of the problem is within.
Dig into who you are, where you want to go, how you’ll get there, and what truly matters. In deep-strategy terms, that’s your purpose, vision, missions, and values.
By discerning what matters most—and being strong enough to protect it—you are living On-Purpose.
Here’s help for your heart.
Download A 3-Step Guide for Being On-Purpose®: Success without Selling Out.
It’s a proven, simple way forward to reclaim your authentic self while still being the Reliable One who is happy and whole.
Be On-Purpose!
Kevin