Perhaps I’m obsessing about this. I’m glad I have time to prepare
myself mentally before starting the Take Shape For Life program. Once
my food arrives, I think I’ll be in the right frame of mind. I feel a
lot like getting ready to play "the big game" as in sports. There’s a degree of performance anxiety mixed with wanting to get out there to prove to myself I can do this.
True confessions here. The first 35 years of my life I was an athlete. It was a part of my vision of myself. Since I hurt a knee and stopped competing on the tennis court, I’ve gradually added weight every year. Now at age 53, I find myself with all this extra weight. Somehow, I’ve adjusted my self vision to accommodate being a fat person. None of this, in my case, has to do with genetics, hormones, or whatever. It all has to do with choices… bad choices.
How have I let my weight creep up to 240 on a 5′ 9" stocky frame? That is bad eating. More importantly, why have I allowed myself to go there? How off-purpose is this for me? Real off-purpose. I’ve had to come to terms with what I’m doing ain’t working at all. To be able to lean into a system like Take Shape For Life, provides a real measure of hope for me. Why re-invent the wheel?
Regarding being on-purpose. I’ve been called the pioneer, prophet, apostle, and founder of the movement of people finding their purpose and then living it so they are on-purpose. Presently, an overweight image does make me real in my struggles, but it takes away from the message. I have enough flaws and failings to go around as it is. But my weight really is something I can do something about.
I’ve begun to have signs that my weight is working against me. The day after I ordered my food, I had what we think was a gallbladder attack. For about a month, I would occasionally get this pain just under my right rib cage area. It hurt… kinda like a kidney stone, but not quite that bad. The pain would come and go… mostly go. But that day, the pain was awful. My wife’s Bible study group said prayers of healing for me. I called a surgeon I know who sent me for a sonogram the next day. Overnight, whatever was bothering me seemed to pass, if you catch my drift. The sonogram showed no blockage or build-up of bile. The prayers worked. Lesson learned. Warning understood.
The more I think about the many benefits of dropping the weight the more excited I get. I can do this! I need to do this. Losing weight has been on my want list for far too many years. It is becoming a matter of being in integrity with myself. Do I have my doubts – you bet. Is TSFL right for me… it is the best chance I’ve ever given myself to be back to my true self.